“My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want to ‘Set Off His Dad’ By Moving”

My boyfriend, “Bruce,” and I have been together for three years now and living together for about a year. We live in a town that is about 45 minutes away from both our jobs. I want to move out so we can be closer to where we work, but Bruce doesn’t want to because we rent from his dad and he doesn’t want to set him off. We have no lease with his dad, and we’ve been paying rent in a home that is unfinished (as in, a good 1/3 of the house doesn’t have any flooring installed, no baseboards are down, etc). There are cheaper options closer to our jobs and we would be saving thousands of miles on our vehicle that we are leasing if we moved. What should I do about this? — Ready to Move

 
Find a place that you can afford by yourself and present it as an option to Bruce for a place you both move into together. If he continues to reject the idea of moving – and he probably will – sign the lease by yourself, pack up your shit, and move on your own (the beauty of having no lease where you live now is that you can leave whenever you want with no penalty). The money you save in gas can go toward leasing a car for yourself instead of sharing one with Daddy Boy Bruce, and the time you save in commuting to and from work can be spent enjoying a home with full flooring (because it’s the little things…).
 

In month two of what we hoped would be a long engagement, my now-wife and I found out we were expecting and we had to quickly marry for insurance purposes. We’ve begun therapy and are working through the stress of the life change, but one question remains: Where are we going to live?

I have a small apartment that will work for now, but long-term my goal has been to build. Before I met my wife, I bought a piece of undeveloped waterfront land where I have always wanted to live. My wife doesn’t think we can afford to build even though I have showed her we can. Instead, she wants to buy a much cheaper older house and renovate it. She has all but said that’s her plan no matter what.

I don’t want to sell the land and lose money, I don’t want to live anywhere else, and even if we bought a small house to renovate, I still have a small mortgage on the land to cover each month. So sadly, it looks like someone is going to end up unhappy and perhaps we also live separately or split up over this. Thoughts? — Of House and Home

 
What’s the rush to answer this question? Your apartment works for now, and you said your goal to build a place is “long-term” anyway. Focus on your marriage and new parenthood right now, not on building a house, which is a huge investment of time and money. If you feel you’re outgrowing your small apartment, rent a bigger one. If you’re worried about paying mortgage on land you aren’t using, sell it since, or look into renting the land somehow (maybe for camping? farming? I don’t really know…). Home ownership can be a real nightmare, even when the home is already built and both spouses are happy to be there. I can’t imagine the stress and strain of building a place from scratch when money is tight, a marriage is new, and two people are still adjusting to sudden and unplanned parenthood. Slow your roll.

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].

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