“I don’t Want My Daughter’s Boyfriend at Our Weekly Dinners”
After six months of dating, my daughter wants to include her boyfriend in our weekly dinner visits (at our home), at least some of them, which means he’d be taking off work. We do not want to do this. We said that we would be open to occasional lunches on the weekend as we don’t want to start having him in our home weekly.
My daughter said Saturdays and Sunday lunches don’t work because that’s their time together, although that’s exclusively when they go to his family’s for visits. Weeknights don’t work for us and we are not willing to include him in our weekly family time with our daughter (we’ve enjoyed every week for six years). What are your thoughts? — Weekend Dinners are for Family Time
My thoughts are that everyone in this scenario sounds a little ridiculous, especially you. Your disdain for your daughter’s boyfriend is clear, and it’s obvious you don’t want to help foster a relationship with this man it sounds like you think isn’t good enough for your daughter. And, who knows, maybe he isn’t a match for your daughter, but she’s with him now, and if you don’t want to hurt your relationship with her and you don’t want to risk losing the time you have with her, you better start including her boyfriend in your family dinners, “at least some of them,” which hardly seems like that much of a sacrifice.
Three weekends out of the month have a family dinner at your home on a Saturday when he’s working and can’t make it, and then on the fourth weekend, make it a Sunday dinner and invite him, knowing he has the day off. Tell your daughter those once-a-month Sunday dinners are so her boyfriend can be included, which should hopefully appease her by showing some effort on your part to be nice to her guy.
It’s a fair compromise, and if you can’t bend a little to accommodate a monthly visit from your daughter’s boyfriend, then you are going to be in for a very rude awakening if your daughter actually marries him or someone else you find equally unfit to be her husband and starts building a life and family that you may find yourself excluded from.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].
Although its technically your say who you have over, they’ve been dating for 6 months. That’s a real commitment and she should be bringing him around by then. And unless there’s something really wrong, you should be willing to get to know him.
For real. If my daughter was dating someone I felt was a “loser”, I would want him around in the hopes the family could rub off on him 😂. Seeing someone like that side by side w brothers, dad, etc she may come to the conclusion all on her own… OR he may be inspired to step up. Win/win.
What on earth do his working hours have to do with him coming for dinner? Ohhh, its because you wanted us all to look down in him the way you do.
I’m so confused by this letter. You start by saying your daughter has a history of “jumping into relationships” but then go on to say that she has been dating him for months. Then you compare their jobs and number of hours worked per week (clearly you think he doesn’t work as hard) and their financial planning (he had to borrow money to cover his bills during vacation) so he obviously doesn’t plan. Clearly you dont think he’s good enough for your daughter, and like Wendy said, he might not be but that is up to HER to decide.
Geez, just include him. You might find out that he is kind, respectful, honorable, and caring—all of which are more important traits in a partner than the number of hours worked per week. And if you are right and he’s not good for her, she’ll figure it out eventually and you’ll get your private daughter time back without having compromised the relationship you have with her now. Plus you will eventually have to include someone else in your “private family time” when your daughter finds the one—or lose your daughter entirely.