“My Husband Yells At Our Neighbors”

I have been with my husband for twenty years. He’s turned into one of those cranky “Get off my lawn, dammit” type men. I always try to be friendly with my neighbors, but he yells at everyone and picks fights. He yells at the neighbor kids for being too loud outside and it embarrasses me. He acts like he’s part of the HOA when he’s not. He got into a screaming match with another man for some stupid reason.

I notice the neighbors kind of get colder with me because of my husband, even though I try to go out of my way to help them. If I tell him that I think he’s gone too far, he gets nasty with me and tells me I have no standards of conduct. Sometimes I find myself feeling agoraphobic and not wanting to venture outside because of it. I don’t know what to do. — Curmudgeon’s Wife

Your husband sounds abusive. Has he always been this way? Has his behavior changed or has his temper escalated recently? Any new behavior traits could be the symptom of a medical issue and you should encourage your husband to see a doctor. If his behavior has always been this way and it’s you who has grown less tolerant, which often happens to women as they enter middle-age, please use this as fuel to get out of a bad situation. Your mental health is clearly suffering and you risk isolation and further harm to your mental health when you avoid going outside because of how embarrassed you are by your husband. You deserve a life of dignity and social connections – to feel comfortable and at ease in your neighborhood and your home.

If it’s accessible to you, therapy would be an appropriate supplement to the steps ahead in reclaiming your life and peace. If you have a support system – good friends and family – now is the time to lean on them. Surround yourself with people who empower you and remind you of your value to counteract the messages you get from your husband. Your strength now is in remembering who you are, knowing what kind of life you want, and believing you have the ability to create it, because you do.

I have been dating a woman who has a 26-year-old daughter who has been engaged for three years. I have recently figured out that I am not invited to her wedding. I was not told by anyone, but I figured it out on my own. The bride-to-be and I have always been cordial, so I feel very let down by her and, worse, I feel let down by her mother. I don’t believe that her mother even put me on her guest list when she submitted it to her daughter. I am so hurt that I am considering ending our relationship. If I was not welcome at the wedding, then I should have at the very least been told. I am angry and hurt. Am I being out of line? — Left off the Guest List

 
Why don’t you ASK your girlfriend if you’re invited to the wedding, either directly or as her plus one. If you aren’t, or if she refuses to answer you, THEN you can discuss what the reasons were and/or decide whether this is indicative of a larger issue in your relationship and whether it’s time to MOA. You aren’t being out of line for wanting to end a relationship where you feel unwanted, but it’s a pretty big leap to go from assuming you are unwelcome at a wedding to believing you are unwanted in a relationship, and you need to fill in some missing pieces first before you fly off the handle.

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].

3 Comments

  1. LW 2: You tell us the daughter has been engaged for 3 years, but you don’t say how long you’ve been dating the mother. Are we talking weeks or years? This certainly makes a difference! And, to reiterate Wendy, ask questions instead of assuming. Asking gives them the opportunity to say YES! 💕

  2. LW 2: You tell us the daughter has been engaged for 3 years, but you don’t say how long you’ve been dating the mother. Are we talking weeks or years? This certainly makes a difference! And, to reiterate Wendy, ask questions instead of assuming. Asking gives them the opportunity to say YES! 💕

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