“My Mom Doesn’t Think I’m Ready for Marriage”
I don’t know, I think a 30-year-old woman who describes her nearly one-year relationship as “over-the-top” and thinks she needs her mother’s permission to get engaged might not be serious or ready for marriage either. You should ask your mom what advantages she thinks waiting will give you, and I would also urge you to read 17 Things Every Couple MUST Discuss Before Getting Married. An over-the-top relationship is a common trope in rom-coms and romance novels, but over here in reality, a relationship that is going to actually last has to be firmly rooted. If you haven’t navigated some challenges together, and your relationship thus far as been a succession of overwhelming feelings and the expression of those feelings, then giving yourselves a little more time for your feet to touch the ground can only benefit the lasting potential of your relationship. I suspect this is the basis of your mother’s argument to you. And I suspect you might know in your heart if she’s right.
We’ve been together for about seven months now and I’ve noticed that he doesn’t seem to like PDA really. He’ll kiss me and stuff if I initiate it, but he won’t initiate it. Something else that’s got me a little worried is that in these months we’ve been together we’ve gone on trips and taken lots of pictures together, but he hasn’t posted anything about me on any of his social media even though he posts stuff all the time. He’s tagged me in pictures of his before but doesn’t post any pictures at all of the two of us together. I’ve met most of his friends and family, minus his parents, and the people he introduces me to all know I’m his girlfriend, so I’m not really too worried about his keeping me a secret…but then again, you never know, right?
Since I’m a lot younger than he is, I feel insecure a lot of the time and I worry about not being able to offer him things like stability and stuff that other women his age could give him. With his not really being a PDA guy and not posting stuff about me, I’m not quite sure if he’s actual into building a relationship with me or if he thinks that I’m just a young girl he can fool around with for the time being. I’ve talked to him a couple times about us and he always says he really likes me, but how can I believe it if he doesn’t show it? – Young Wild and Worried
If you’ve been dating a guy for seven months and don’t know if he likes you because he’s done nothing to show you that he does, that’s a serious problem. If you feel insecure a lot of the time and worried that you can’t offer your boyfriend things that other women could, that’s a serious problem. If you’re afraid you’re too young for him and that he’s just into fooling around with you and not building a relationship with you, and you’ve expressed those concerns and he’s done nothing to show you that he truly is interested in building a relationship with you, what he’s telling you is that you’re right: You are too young for him and he really is just interested in banging a hot 21-year-old and that’s it. The reason he isn’t making your relationship “social media official,” so to speak, is because this is as far as you two go. There’s no step forward. There’s no future. There’s no “building this relationship.” You’re his good-time girl for now. And the reason a 21-year-old girl may appeal to an older man — besides the obvious, of course — is that she still believes Mr. Perfect exists. He doesn’t. Not in a bar, not anywhere.
***************
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].
