“My New Boyfriend is Having a Baby with Someone Else”
I’m starting to fall for him, but there’s something that has been bothering me more and more. About a month before we met, he slept with a friend of his, and she became pregnant (the condom broke and she took Plan B – supposedly). He is fairly certain the baby is his. She decided to keep the baby, which was disappointing for him at first, but he is now excited and making the best of it. They had been friends since high school and hooked up a couple times, never really dating.
To his credit, he has been very open with me about it and disclosed the pregnancy on our second date. He has been very understanding, supportive, and communicative. When he first told me, I didn’t want to shut down the idea of continuing to get to know each other, and I eventually decided being with him is worth it. I still feel that way. He has no romantic feelings for her, and the feeling appears to be mutual.
She is about six months pregnant now and seeing someone else, and she knows about me. Mike would like for us to meet, and he wants me to be a part of everything. She is completely amenable as well. He is progressing well in his career, is responsible, and is committed to being a great father (which I’m sure he will be).
We have discussed the future, want the same things, and are on the same page, but I’m torn. I don’t want to put the cart before the horse, but I’ve always envisioned being the first and only woman to give birth to my husband’s children (in the way, way future). Mike understands and respects this completely. Granted, we are still getting to know each other and developing the relationship, but I am at a point in my life where I’m ready to settle down with the right person in the next few years, and so far, I could see it being with him.
I want to continue the way we are going and see what happens between us, but the unknown is very scary to me. Can this actually work? The idea of him being there when she gives birth, not having as much availability for me (selfish, I know, but reality), a significant amount of income going to meet the baby’s needs, etc. is daunting. He is a great guy, and if it weren’t for this situation, I would be in 7th heaven. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you! — Scared of the Unknown
Most people, when they fantasize about the person they’ll potentially spend their lives with, don’t imagine a person who is expecting a baby with someone else. But you know what? Most people also don’t imagine in their fantasies people who have been twice divorced and have kids with multiple parents, or partners with enormous student loans, or spouses who get cancer, or people who struggle with mental illness or can’t hold a job or are deployed every other year. But we don’t live our lives in fantasies, we live them in reality where people have stuff they deal with — stuff like exes, and illness, and aging parents, and surprise babies with people they aren’t even dating.
If you don’t stick with Mike and see where things go with him, you’ll always wonder what might have been. And just because you won’t have to deal with the reality of his situation doesn’t mean the reality of the next person you date will be any less challenging. Or maybe it will. You don’t know. There’s no way to know. And the unknown is scary. It’s scary if you’re dating a man who’s expecting a baby with someone else, and it’s scary if you’re married and expecting a baby with your spouse and hoping for a healthy child. The unknown is scary, especially when the stakes — like love and health and family — are so high.
The good news is that the unknown does eventually become the known. Most things don’t remain a mystery forever. If you stay with Mike, eventually what is unknown to you will become apparent. In a matter of months, you will know what his life is like — and consequently, what your relationship is like — when a baby is involved.
You’ll know how much attention Mike will be able to give you and how much he’ll interact with the baby’s mother and how you’ll feel about sharing him and his time. Within six months of the baby’s birth — which is about nine months from now — you’ll have a much clearer idea how single parenthood will affect Mike’s relationship with you and you’ll know whether your feelings for him are strong enough to invest more time.
Sure, you’ll probably be more invested in Mike in nine month’s time, and breaking up with him, should you decide to end the relationship, will be harder than if you left him now. But you’ll have answers then that you don’t have now, and that will make a big difference. And on a more optimistic note, you may find that things are better than you anticipate. Maybe the baby will bring joy to your life you never bothered to imagine in your fantasy world because this isn’t the traditional picture of happiness you’ve seen before. A traditional path isn’t the only way to happiness.
I say give love a chance. See where this path leads you. Maybe it won’t lead you where you want to be. But maybe it will. Or maybe you’ll discover that Mike, regardless of his situation, isn’t the man for you. Maybe that’s something you’ll only learn if you invest a few more months getting to know him. And maybe you’ll find he’s exactly the man for you even though his reality is more complicated than what you pictured for yourself.
If we all went around rejecting anything that didn’t match up to our fantasies or what we imagined for ourselves, none of us would ever move forward in life. We’d all be single, homeless, and unemployed. Reality doesn’t look like fantasy. It’s not supposed to. But there is joy and love and happiness to be had in the complicated and messy layers of real life.
There’s richness to embrace and lessons to learn, even in heartbreak. Sometimes, especially in heartbreak. Don’t not live because you’re afraid of getting hurt. Don’t stand still because you fear the unknown ahead. Keep moving forward. Push through fear. And embrace the life unfolding in front of you. It may just bring you the kind of happiness you always imagined, even if it isn’t packaged the way you thought it would be.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].
Is he going to be present for the birth of his child? I’d have thought the mother would have prefered her current SO to be with her, instead.
If he is to be a good father, some divided loyalty between his accidental family and you and your possible future family with him is unavoidable. This is really little different than marrying a divorced man with children. Paying child support is the absolute minimum involvement and interacting with his child regularly is a moral responsibility and hopefully something your bf wants to do.
You knew about this at the start of the relationship. I’m not sure it’s fair to your bf and his future child to be three months along in the relationship and not know if this is a deal breaker for you. If it is, MOA before your bf becomes more attached to you. It is very unfair to throw out the dealbreaker card months from now over something that happened before he met you, that he can’t possibly change, and that you knew about from the second date.
YOu also seem to be thinking in terms of marriage quite soon in the relationship, with your sense of your age as the rationale you give for this.That is over-pressurizing the whole situation.
Eh I don’t know that she’s saying it’s a dealbreaker as much as just a potential valid reason for not making it for the long haul. If it was a dealbreaker they wouldn’t have gotten this far. It seems she just doesn’t know how it will work in practice as opposed to in theory.
It would be very hard for me to date someone with kids. 1 – because I don’t even know if I want kids and 2 – because if I did have kids I would want them to be with my husband/current SO. I have zero interest in raising someone else’s kid where I couldn’t be the mom. I would constantly feel like I was stepping on toes and frankly it is just not a situation I would put myself in. I don’t know that it’s a dealbreaker though – more just something I would like to avoid.
I’m gathering that the LW is the same way. She’s just not sure if she’ll be able to handle it all.
It would be hard for me to date someone with kids as well. I am not a kid person. However, the percentage of single men with no kids in my age group is very low, so I may have to deal with this at some point. I don’t know how I’d handle it, either. So far, I’ve managed to avoid it. I like Wendy’s advice. Give it a shot.
Yeah, I didn’t get that she was saying it was a dealbreaker either. And even if it was, we all have dealbreakers that we think to ourselves, I’ll never ever date someone with X. And then the most amazing person ever who happens to have X comes along and we decide that this person is worth breaking the dealbreaker for.
She’s not saying she doesn’t want to date a guy with kids. Just that she wants to still feel like an important part of his life once the baby comes. And she won’t know how she feels until it happens.
” He is fairly certain the baby is his.” Mike needs to have a DNA test done when this baby arrives. And I don’t know, maybe I’m just bitter, but how do these women manage to start up a new relationship when they are pregnant? I have a hard enough time finding dates without a baby bump!
I thought the same thing, he definitely needs to have a paternity test. I too don’t understand how you can be six months pregnant and start a new relationship. I’m not being judgemental, I honestly don’t know how you’d have the physical and mental strength to do it. I’ve been pregnant and though the outcome is wonderful, it is draining! Between the morning sickness, moodiness from the hormones, logistics having sex, etc. it was hard enough having a relationship with my husband/father of my child let alone someone new.
OMG YES Amybelle! I’m feeling a little down on myself now..although i do have a food baby bump. Its time to abort it I guess. Wish me luck!
WWS! That was really nice Wendy!
Throughout my life, I’ve had a different idea of what my “perfect” would look like. When I was little, I was going to get married and have three or four children. Then, it was college, married and two children. Next? College, career, meet someone, marry then have two kids. Now? Some day hopefully meet someone. Kids are no longer a fact. Maybe I’ll adopt? Maybe I’ll meet someone with kids? I just know I’m ready to adapt and I’ll make it work with whoever makes me happy.
The thing is, as much as we plan and think we have things figured out, we don’t. Life happens. Your idea of perfect changes because as long as you’re happy, isn’t that what matters? Who cares if your happiness comes in a rectangle box instead of square? If you found someone great LW, I would honestly want to see where it takes me. I think you should too.
I totally agree. As long as your continue to be open about your feelings, and continue to be open to listening to how the other concerned parties are feeling, this could turn out really well.
You boyfriend sounds like a stand-up guy, who’s not only doing the right thing in a difficult situation, but making sure every one turns out happy about it. I don’t think this is like divorce in the sense that there’s no long history of painful breakups for either party to get over; there’s not resentment that will be projected on to you. Yes, this kid will change your boyfriend’s life drastically, and you don’t know yet if this is something you can live with, and I think it’s worth sticking around to make sure.
WWS, and also, make sure they have a DNA test after the baby is born, just to be on the safe side.
My cousin was in a similar situation to you a few years ago. She is now happily married, has a beautiful stepson, and a beautiful daughter. Her stepson will grow up knowing he has 4 loving parents, and already calls her “Mama Hayley.” Relationships are always going to be complicated, and never quite how you pictured them. I say give it a shot. It might not be quite the life you imagined, but it sounds like it could be so, so worth it.
It’s not the girlfriend’s place to tell the boyfriend to have a DNA test done on his child. It just so isn’t. If he’s got doubts, he’ll bring it up himself, and maybe she should support him in that, but to tell a father looking forward to the birth of his child that he should get a DNA test done is just rude and guarantees any good faith on the part of the mother will be severely diminished to top it off. I’m sure the boyfriend had enough conversations with his pregnant friend to come to trust that she knew her own sexual history, and that she was right in saying he’s the father. Otherwise, she’d be trying a little harder to keep him around, not moving on to seeing someone else herself too.
Do no bring up DNA testing. It’s not your place, and it’s just about the tackiest and meanest thing you can say to a happily expecting father. Don’t bring that stuff up. It’s just seriously not your place to do that.
I don’t think it’s a girlfriend’s place – especially since they have only been together a few months – to make her boyfriend get a DNA test. She could have a conversation about it with him . . . a “hey, have you ever conidered getting a DNA test?” kind of thing. But the LW can’t and shouldn’t force him. It’s between him and the the pregnant lady, IMHO.
Well, I think Brigitte is just saying that the DNA test idea should NOT come from the LW. I agree that it’d be totally out-of-place for her to suggest to her new boyfriend that the mother of his baby get a DNA test, if he’s not even expressing doubts himself.
I just assumed since she wrote that he was “fairly certain” that they had talked about it already. Unless the pregnant friend didn’t have sex ( protected or otherwise ) with anyone else, for abour 3-4 weeks on either side of her EDC (estimated date of conception) she can’t be 100% sure he is the father. Obviously the new girlfriend can’t force him to get a DNA test, but I don’t see how it is so rude. If I was pregnant from a casual hook up I would not be offended in the least to have paternity testing done. Especially since both the condom broke and Plan B failed; it doesn’t sound like these two are contraception superstars.
I don’t think its rude *at all* for him to ask this of the expectant mother – in fact, he really should.
But for a girlfriend of just a few months, I’m sorry, I don’t think its her place to even comment or suggest that it happen. Whatever discussions the pregnant woman and her boyfriend had, they’ve been had and settled before the LW came into the picture. The LW and the new boyfriend may be very excited about eachother, but they barely know each other. Its not her place, at this point in the game, to meddle in what the boyfriend and pregnant friend have already decided on.
If she’s not comfortable with the situation, that’s okay, but it is what it is, it happened before she came into the picture, and so she either needs to accept it or move on.
Yes, confirming that I’m 100% on the side of him getting testing done. What I think is rude and tacky is for the girlfriend to just say “Mike, you’re gonna DNA test your baby right?” How is it not rude to tell an expecting father that you think he’s not the father of the baby he’s recognized and is happy about welcoming to his family?! How is that not rude? It’s not rude for HIM to ask, it’s rude for HER to ask that her boyfriend of a few months have his child DNA tested.
If it comes up in conversation, by all means, say you think it’s a good idea, but you don’t just tell a father you think he’s not his baby’s daddy. Come on.
I agree. Should he take a DNA test, given the circumstances? Probably, yes.
Is it he’s girlfriend of just a few month’s place to demand that he do so? Um, no, for such a short relationship I don’t think so.
There’s a difference between demanding and suggesting. I don’t see the harm in suggesting it.
I think it all depends on the relationship the LW and the boyfriend have. If they were serious, already talking (seriously) about their future, or if he himself was expressing doubts, then I think it might be approporiate for her to bring it up.
But as the LW has described the relationship, it seems to me that while they are very excited about each other, its still a very young relationship. And so no, IMO I don’t think given the state of their relationship its her place to interject, or suggest, DNA testing be done. The situation is what it is, she wasn’t any other pretenses after the second date what was going on, so its up to her to either embrace it or move on, not question it or meddle.
At least that’s how I see it.
I think Wendy has the best answer. But honestly when I saw the headline, I was feeling differently. I agree that he does need a DNA test- I saw Ne-Yo’s Behind the Music and his ex-girlfriend totally played him even after his friends kept nudging him to find out the truth. But I agree with Brigitte- he has to want to do it himself, if you push him it might put a greater strain on his relationship.
I really liked Wendy’s response to this! Plus, I mean, if this is the reality of the situation, then I think everyone involved is actually behaving in a best-case-scenario manner (“Mike” is an excited father-to-be, the mother is cool with the LW, etc.) There are still many complicating factors–obviously–but the LW has time to figure out if this is something she can handle.
I would like to add, though– LW, you’re not being “selfish” if you find that your needs aren’t being met. A new relationship can be wobbly enough WITHOUT a baby in the mix. And it will definitely be harder for you & Mike to get to know each other/reach milestones while the rest of his life is changing to such a degree.
Aww, that was a sweet reply! Especially this: “I say give love a chance.” <— Wendy's turning syrupy!
I agree with Wendy. Sure, we all dream that when we meet The One we will be the first woman ever to have his babies. The reality in today’s world is that there are a lot of nontraditional families out there and a lot of people have kids but are not married. If you met a great single dad whose child was fully born, would that be more acceptable to you? Or is it a dealbreaker for you if a dude has kids already? That’s what you have to decide for yourself. Yes, it’s true that he won’t have all of his time to devote to you and his child will always be top priority. As long as he still makes an effort in his relationship with you, cut the guy some slack and be happy you met someone you click with.
Wendy’s right. I probably would have moved on after finding out about the baby (I had a similar experience, but it involved an ex and I was lied to about it), but I’m probably not as understanding or mature as the LW. The LW will just have to take things as they come and see what it’s like after the baby actually arrives.
As for the DNA test, I realize that it’s a touchy subject, but if this guy honestly does say he’s just “fairly certain” that the baby is his, it seems sort of odd not to do a test, IMO, considering he’s not “with” the friend and would not be raising the child if it wasn’t his. I mean, if I took Plan B, I’d be all over the pregnancy tests directly after, so I imagine the “certainty” comes from something similar, which seems pretty clear unless she’d had other condoms break/unprotected sex during that time.
I think Wendy’s advice is spot on. I just wanted to add my experience, my boyfriend has a son ‘B’, who was 3 when I met him and like in your case my boyfriend and his mother were never in a relationship. At first I was a little hesitant about it, especially as I was quite young, but I gave it a try. We are now 5 years down the line and I could not imagine my life without either of them. My boyfriend is a fantastic man and his son is growing into such an amazing person. We all get on really well, so I’ve gained a great relationship, a new friendship with B’s mum and as someone else mentioned B (and his half-brother) both have so many people in their lives that love them. All I’m trying to say is that it can work out for the best!
WWS.
Also, I don’t think you’re being selfish at all. You’re being smart and mature for thinking this through before you get in any deeper. It sounds like you want the best for Mike and his child – you’re just not sure if what’s best for them is what’s best for you. You seem to have your head on straight, so to speak. Whatever decision you make, I really think you’ll be fine 🙂
Just want to say I love Wendy’s advice. So beautifully written and true.
I love Wendy’s response. I’m just going through a phase of terrible heartbreak after some intense confusion, and I am right now re-learning the lesson that sometimes life is just messy. I thought my path would look a certain way, and now it probably won’t. Losing somebody you love is painful, but I certainly don’t wish that I had never dared loving him… And he’d say the same, I’m sure. So I think this is all about listening to both your heart and your gut. Do you really want to be with him, but fear that this non-traditional situation will later cause some problems? Or do you already sense your gut warning you? Do the doubts come from the way you think about this, or the way it makes you feel? Btw, from my own experience, I can interpret these things better if I don’t think “What do my feelings tell me?” but “What does my instinct tell me?” I’ve found that my instinct is way ahead of my feelings, not to mention my thoughts.
On my way in to work, something else occurred to me. What does teh BF mena when he says he wants the LW to be “a part of everything”? Picking out baby clothes? Decorating the baby’s room? Going to the hospital for the birth? This seems like a lot to ask of someone who is not even related to the baby in any way. I think he’s indulging in a little fantasizing himself.
*the BF mean* O spell check, where art thou?
Wendy, an addition to your list of quotes that go up in people’s offices: “…there is joy and love and happiness to be had in the complicated and messy layers of real life. There’s richness to embrace and lessons to learn, even in heartbreak. Sometimes, especially in heartbreak. Don’t not live because you’re afraid of getting hurt. Don’t stand still because you fear the unknown ahead. Keep moving forward. Push through fear. And embrace the life unfolding in front of you. It may just bring you the kind of happiness you always imagined, even if it isn’t packaged the way you thought it would be.”
Especially the first sentence, love it!
Wendy is dead on. I say stay with him and give the sitch a chance. The worst thing that happens is that you figure out that a relationship with a new dad isn’t working for you. And if that’s going to happen, no amount of worrying beforehand is going to prevent it. So try not to pre-worry. Don’t blow your worry before its time to worry. You’ll get worry everywhere.
The best thing is that you get to be a huge part of a moment your boyfriend will remember for the rest of his life. You’ll be an integral part of his celebration, and you’ll also be a wonderful respite from all the literal sh*t (sidenote, is it like, nature that keeps parents from realizing how gross baby poo is? I love my nephew but it grosses me out so bad when everybody celebrates him taking a dump.) that he’s going to have to adjust to.
BUT keep checking in with yourself after the fact. Ask yourself, is he blowing me off? Is he ignoring my needs? Is he losing touch with who I am? If that stuff starts to happen, let yourself rethink the relationship. I have a feeling it wont though, judging by how healthy he’s being about the whole thing now. I think once it happens you’ll be relived at how fun it can be. Except for the baby poo. *Shudder*
WWS. loved it.
i find it interesting, LW, that you say you always ” envisioned being the first and only woman to give birth to my husband’s children (in the way, way future).” To me, that sounds like a man saying that he always invisioned that he would be the only man his wife has sex with, or a guy saying that he hoped that his wife would be the mother of only his kids, ect… i mean, it sounds a little messed up, in my opinion, and i think that when men make those comments it is messed up. so think about that, and remember that families come in all shapes and sizes and are created by a so many different ways in our modern age.
Eh, I think there’s a difference between wanting to be with a guy that doesn’t have children already and wanting a girl who is a virgin.
Because kids are going to really impact a relationship. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but come on, dating a single father makes for a very different relationship than a man with no kids. Priorities will be different (as they should be), availability will be different, the stepmom will have to navigate potentially fraught and difficult relationships with the kids. Its a big deal, and not everybody’s up for it.
But wanting a virgin. Whether or not a woman has already has sex will make NO difference to what a relationship will be like (well, maybe it says something about mismatched values, but still). There won’t be, for lack of a better term, baggage or additional burdens. Except of course a man’s bruised ego for not being the first.
well, i also think that there is a difference in saying that you dont want to date a man with kids because of the increased problems, and saying what the LW said, “I’ve always envisioned being the first and only woman to give birth to my husband’s children (in the way, way future).” the wording was what set me off on thinking that it is messed up.
its like she isnt saying that the problem is that the child will bring problems to the relationship, it is simply the fact that she wont be the first to give birth to this guy’s kids that is the problem. i dont like that.
Wendy, this is probably my favorite response of yours ever. Absolutely perfect advice, and so well said! You seem really on your game lately.
WWS!
I don’t comment often but just felt that I really wanted to say that this is a beautifully written response Wendy and it resonated with me.
I think Wendy is right here. LW, as you will find out, the older people get, the messier thier lives get. Honestly It is easy to find a guy in his early 20s with no baggage. However, the older you get, the less likely you will be to find someone without a history.
Excellent advice, Wendy – I second what theattack said above.
One thing I didn’t see in the letter is whether the LW had discussed what kind of role she herself would be expected to have in the child’s upbringing. Pending that she and Mike stay together for the long haul, is she going to co-parent with him and the child’s mother, especially as the child gets older? Would she indeed be a full stepmother, or would her relationship to the child be more like that of an aunt? If the LW and Mike have kids of their own one day, how will their relationships and parenting roles with this child be affected? Are Mike, the child’s mother and her new BF all on the same page about these details?
Not that they have to figure it all out now (and not trying to give the LW more things to be nervous/worried about), but these are just some things to be aware of that will likely become pretty significant as the child grows up. A non-traditional family model requires some pretty flexible problem-solving skills and may call for unconventional solutions.
Best of luck to the LW – would love to see an update on this one (and hope it’s a good update)!
Well, I personally thought something was off if both a condom and Plan B were used and this person still got pregnant. Even if the condom broke, both of those methods together really should work. I think the pregnancy is suspect and someone is stretching the truth. Could be the girl. Or could be the guy. The LW was the relationship with the guy so of couse she would believe him. I probably would too.
It is exactly that naive idea – “that because she is in a relationship with the guy so of course she would believe him” – that I take issue with. Why would you believe someone just because you’re dating them? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. That makes them no more likely to be honest – if anything it makes them more likely to lie because they have something to lose. Instead of just blinding believing the boyfriend – if it really matters to the LW whether the pregnancy was intended or accidental – why wouldn’t she do some fact checking? Why would she just bitchily sit back and assume the girl is lying instead of giving her a chance to defend herself? Hell maybe the two of them both know that a condom wasn’t worn and plan b was never on the table. But the boyfriend wouldn’t say that to the LW now would he?
I totally agree with IWTTS. I’d personally respect him more if he was like, yeah, I was dumb and didn’t really use one/pulled out and expected HER to take plan B… but yeah things happened. And now she’s pregnant, but we’re friends so I’m gonna step up for now, and ask for a paternity test later. The point about him having more to lose is very valid.
And IDK, if she’s able to get a new guy while pregnant, I’m kinda in awe of what I can only assume is her awesome personality.
Maybe she met someone before she knew she was pregnant, and just like the LW and her BF, the new guy had enough feelings to give it a shot?
IDK, I would think most guys would not want to get involved with a woman who’s pregnant with somebody elses kid, but if it can happen in reverse with the LW, I guess it can happen for a pregnant gal.
I see where you are coming from, but your response seems a bit harsh since she also admitted her thoughts about that weren’t helpful or productive and she isn’t acting on those thoughts in any way.
I don’t want to be harsh LW, but I have to agree with iwtts. You seem to be a bit resentful towards this woman, and I’m not sure why (well, aside from the fact she very well could be carrying your BF’s child).
I mean, unless you’ve left out some major details, the woman doesn’t sound like someone who’s trying to trap your BF. I mean, is she pursuing him? Getting pouty about you? Demanding his unending support (which she does actually kinda deserve – if its his kid). It sure doesn’t sound like it. She’s dating somebody else, she doesn’t seem to be needling in between the relationship you and he are building, she’s excited to meet you. If those details are incorrect, please clarify.
It does sound improbable that they were having safe sex and plan B failed, but even so, it doesn’t mean she was purposely trying to get pregnant with his child. People get dumb when they’re turned on, maybe there was no condom (and that would make it his fault too!). Maybe she is lying about taking plan B because she is embarassed that she didn’t, or waited too long, and doesn’t want a lecture or pitying looks about something that’s too late to change.
Anyways, yeah, you seem a wee bit displeased with this woman, and based on what you’ve shared with us, I don’t think you have grounds to be.
Yep. There’s no way I’d buy that “the condom broke” AND Plan B failed.
Yep, but I also don’t think that being unsafe or forgoing plan b automatically means “It was on purpose.”
Plenty of people get lazy and make dumb decisions, thinking it won’t happen to them, only Suprise! It can and it did.
But aside from that, everyone seems to be handling this situation maturely.
I just get annoyed when people always accidental pregnancies on birth control failure when it’s more likely they were just careless. Why can’t people just admit when they’re careless? It’s a personal pet peeve of mine.
This is the same situation I am in. I am pregnant with someone’s child, who has refused to acknowledge it. I started dating someone about 2 months after I slept with the person, and then realized I was pregnant about a month into the new relationship. The boyfriend was not supportive at all, which was really hard, as we had been close friends before we started dating. I think it shows a great amount of character for your boyfriend to want to be involved and to be so honest with you about it all.
I have a friend who was in the same situation. She was dating the guy very briefly when his ex told him she was pregnant.
10 years later they are married and in addition to his daughter that they raise, they have two other children!
Go for it, sometimes things aren’t what you planned they are better!
This is my suggestion. Get to know each other in real ways. The “honeymoon” stage is not real. How does he treat the women in his family? Is he nice to the soon to be mom? What kind of father will he be? You will have to wait to know all these answers so going slow makes the most sense. This “mistake” is now going to be a human being who should be loved by all of you. I wish you, the dad to be, the mom to be, and most of all the baby, joy.