Quickies: “My Boyfriend Isn’t Ready to Be My Kid’s Dad”

I am a single mother of a 2-year-old boy and my boyfriend of five months just said he can’t handle his crying and tantrums and isn’t ready for a kid yet. But four days before that he told me he really wants us to become a wholesome family and is taking steps toward that, like buying a home. So, I’m confused and don’t know what to do.

I really love this guy, but I’m wondering if I brought my son into our relationship too quickly and didn’t give my boyfriend time to adjust or time to grow our relationship together. — Did I Move Too Quickly?

He said he’s not ready for a kid yet and can’t handle your son. Even if he’s “confused,” you should not be thinking about sharing your life and moving in with someone who isn’t 100% on board with being a father figure. Put on the brakes and keep your son out of this relationship for now.

My brother has been married to an abusive wife for the past 10 years. She recently kicked him out, saying that he isn’t good enough for her. He has been devastated, but all the family is relieved, hoping he will open his eyes and realize how badly she treats him (lots of verbal abuse and pushing him into debt with her financial needs).

Well, recently an old high school friend of hers contacted me and told me how glad she was that my brother had a chance to get rid of her because she’s bad news. She then told me a lot of stories that only confirm what we have known all along about her behavior. The thing is, I do trust this friend, but I am also aware that her husband used to date my sister-in-law, so there’s a chance she might have exaggerated some things.

Should I tell my brother about all she said or should I keep quiet? I feel that my brother deserves to know, but I don’t want to cause any more trouble. — Concerned Sister

I’d keep out of it and let him sort out this mess himself. The information you have isn’t fact and isn’t reliable enough to stir up drama in a situation that is already pretty complicated and that isn’t really your business. Just be there for emotional support for your brother if and when he needs you, but don’t meddle in his affairs, especially when you can’t even trust that the information you have is true.

I hope you will answer this. I am feeling super guilty because I slept with my boyfriend’s best friend last week after we both got drunk. I dunno if I should tell my boyfriend about this. His friend and I both decided not to tell him anything but now the guilt is driving me insane. And I don’t want him to find out because he will be devastated. What should I do? — Guilty in Phoenix

Don’t tell him. The guilt is your punishment for cheating on your boyfriend with your his best friend.

One Comment

  1. LW1: This isn’t the guy for you, at least not right now. Both you and your son deserve to have someone in your lives who accept you both as currently is and freely. Slow this relationship way down.

    LW2: Stay out of it.

    LW3: I don’t disagree with Wendy in principle. Telling to relieve yourself of the guilt is only for you. However, I’d add that you should probably just break up. Obviously something is wrong in your relationship with your boyfriend (and his relationship with his best friend!). Dragging it out helps no one. Plus, it’s almost inevitable this comes out sooner or later, and it’s going to be a huge mess when it does.

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