Shortcuts: “He Kept His Kids a Secret From Me”

It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.

I recently met this guy and after a few months he told me he has two more kids besides the one I knew about. We are both 25. I really felt crushed and very hurt about it because he was not honest with me from the beginning. Yes, our relationship is new and I love him, but I feel like I have lost hope in him. I feel frustrated and don’t how to handle the situation. Please help. — Lost Hope

If a guy can keep his two kids secret from you for months, what other deception is he capable of? This isn’t “love.” Maybe this is lust, but it is not love. Love is built on trust, of which you can’t possibly have much. Cut your losses now and MOA.

Today is my boyfriend’s friend’s birthday party, and even though I know the friend and we’ve all hung out, my boyfriend was invited to the party and I wasn’t. Should I be upset? Also, when it was my birthday get-together, I invited the guy whose birthday is today. I also messaged him today and said happy birthday, and he still didn’t mention that he has a party later. Should I be upset and feel left out? — Feeling Left Out

There are two potential reasons for your being left out: Your boyfriend’s friend is purposely keeping his get-together small because, you know, we’re in a middle of a pandemic where large gatherings are discouraged, and you, being sort of a second-tier friend (girlfriend of a friend), didn’t make the cut. Or, he doesn’t really like you. Either way, sure you can be upset. Or, you can decide it isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things and it’s probably best that you avoid large gatherings anyway because, as I mentioned, there’s a pandemic.

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly five months now. At the beginning our relationship was going really well. The difficulty, however, arose when we got to the stage when we wanted to start sleeping together. I’m well endowed and she finds sex with me very painful. We’ve tried on several occasions now, but each time she has to ask me to stop. I reassure her that it is okay and that we can take our time, but it’s still quite upsetting for both of us. She tends to become quite tearful after each attempt. I can’t enjoy sex either because I’m so worried about hurting her. I suppose the issue has become both a physical and a psychological one. Any advice or recommendations would be most appreciated. — Too Big for Her Pleasure

Women’s bodies are made to expand enough to birth babies; I doubt you’re so big that you can’t comfortably be accommodated. More likely, you need extended foreplay, lots of water-based lube, and positions that allow for your girlfriend to better control depth and movement. All of these things are highly Google-able, so good luck!

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.


    1. I find the differences between that sub and the big boob problems sub to be fairly indicative of our gender divide lol.

      (the inverse ‘small’ groups are more like the downer friend that nobody wanted to invite to the party)

      1. I mean, it’s a group of young men talking about their penises so read at your own risk but young men also have anxieties about their bodies and intimacy. And I could see how it would be a source of stress or shame to not be able to easily have sex with your partner like other people.

      2. Absolutely. The difference I saw is that big boobed women talk about their physical pain, trying to find clothes/bras that fit and people shaming them just for having a body that tends to make itself known no matter what you wear. The men are like ‘what’s the go with this slightly odd thing about my massive dong and btw even though there are a million posts about it how can I fuck the laydeeez with this anaconda I’m packing’

        LOL I’m being slightly facetious but it just struck me as funny.

  1. LW2- My husband is invited to stuff directly all the time and I am not because his guy friends are lazy, and they assume me and my husband know that I am also welcome. It could also be that he invited your bf and just assumed your BF would tell you you were invited.

  2. anonymousse says:

    Maybe he’s keeping the party small and you are a newer acquaintance. This doesn’t have to be personal. Feel upset if you want to. Tell you bf how you feel. Then, enjoy your night of freedom and I’m sure you’ll forget about it soon enough.

  3. anonymousse says:

    She might have trauma or an undiagnosed issue. Or yeah, maybe she needs more foreplay and lube. Has she had problems with other dicks? There’s a world of possibilities.

  4. floats_in_the_ocean says:

    LW 3 and Dear Wendy.
    We can have sex in more ways than PIV. I would urge the LW to concentrate on the other ways our bodies are built to pleasure each other which don’t include PIV. All of which are also extremely googable.

    1. LW3 – is this an issue only with PIV sex with you? Does she have pain down there other times? Previous partners? If the answer is yes, she would want to go to a doctor because there ARE medical conditions that won’t be solved by just lube and foreplay.

  5. Years ago, this happened to a friend. Not after a few months, but after FIVE years. They had a LDR and it was always unclear as to why this single man who traveled about 250 days a year couldn’t move to LA. Turns out his kids were the answer to that conundrum. She was devastated having given up most of her fertile/childbearing years to a liar. Right after they broke he went (back?) to his ex, and they had another kid. IMHO little lies lead to big lies. A lie as big as this, whoo boy…MOA even if you love him, because this is bad.

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