Emotionally, I’m a wreck because I miss him when we aren’t together. He asks me to give him time to leave her because he has a lot of assets and needs to prepare before the separation. I never planned for any of this and nether did he. We just got along so well and now have both fallen. What should I do now? Do I wait? He doesn’t want me dating anyone else and swears that, if he leaves her and then he and I don’t work out, he’ll hurt himself.
I care about him and I know I’m not ready to walk away, but I’m hurt and tired of sharing him. I just know he’s someone I can see myself with, but this living in a limbo for four months is becoming stressful and painful. — The Other Woman
He isn’t going to leave his wife for you. You two are not going to get an apartment, and have everything be perfect. He’s already told you if it isn’t perfect — if it doesn’t work out — he’ll hurt himself. You think things are stressful and painful now? Just wait until you have the burden of his life hanging over you. And there are so many ways and reasons this relationship wouldn’t “work out.”
You think his wife is going to go quietly into the sunset never to be heard from again? Oh, hell no. They have kids together. There will be court dates, fighting over those assets he says he needs to “prepare,” and trying to figure out how to co-parent in a way that best supports his kids.
And let’s talk about those kids. You think they’re going to think kindly of the woman who broke up their home? You think it’s going to be a cake walk dealing with them and that they won’t affect your relationship? As I said already, if you think this limbo period is stressful and painful, just wait until you’re dealing with a scorned ex-wife and two girls who blame you for wrecking their parents’ marriage.
I don’t think you’re a bad person — I don’t know you. But I do think that you’re in over your head, that you haven’t thought about how your actions are affecting other people, and that you do not have a clear idea what your future looks like with this man. It’s not an easy future, I can tell you that. And if you can’t even handle the four months of banging another woman’s husband because it’s just so painful and stressful for you, then you’re not going to be able to handle what comes next in this scenario if you stay with him. MOA. Save yourself the grief and get off this train wreck now, before even more people are hurt.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.