36 and Forever Single
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I got your email! I’m out with the kids at the moment but when I can get some time to myself at some point today, we’re going to work on this!
“Looking at my inbox though, one guy asked me if I go to Gold’s Gym, and nothing else”
I wonder if he just thought he recognized you from there.
Off the bat though, you say “just” too much – in your profile and in your communication here. It comes off as almost apologetic or like you’re downplaying your value. “This is just a start…” “I’m just this” “I just do that…” It’s a little thing, but it sends a message. I’d cut “just” out of your writing whenever it is not needed. Consider this advice for your writing, too!
I stopped saying “just” completely in my work emails, but I do still say it in my regular writing and conversation all the time. Good advice, Wendy.
I’d cut out the part on how you spend your Friday nights. It sort of screams “this woman never dates” to me.
@Ron, I didn’t fill that part out on OKC (you can skip parts), because what’s a good answer to that one anyway? I’m usually exhausted and get in bed right after eating a bowl of soup? I usually have a hot date? I’m typically doing shots at the bar near work and hooking up with this guy Andrew I work with?
Using “just” appears to be another habit that I’ll need to break both personally and in writing. I do see how that diminishes my value, perhaps that’s because I haven’t seen myself as having very much of that.
How do I recognize whatever value I have when I’ve been conditioned for so long that I don’t have much/any?
Women tend to use “just” a lot as a modifier. “I just thought…” “Just wanted to check in,” etc. It diminishes the value of what you’re saying and thinking and doing, makes it sound less important. “I think we should,” “I’m following up,” are more assertive alternatives. I could say in a profile that “I just want a guy who’s kind,” or I could say, “I’d like to find a guy who would enjoy doing x, y, or z with me.”
Look, your value is the same as anyone else’s. You’re a human being worthy of love like everyone else. For a dating profile, you need to create a concise, interesting picture of who you are in order to attract your audience. Which will probably be a different audience than mine or Miss Dre’s or Fyodor’s.
Hi Ron, thanks for your reply. But what should I put in that spot? While I don’t want to put it out there that I’ve been incapable of getting dates I don’t want to leave it blank either. It’s a double-edged sword.
Kate, I’m trying to do exactly that with this profile. I’d like to think this one is better than the ones I had on the apps I was using. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea but I hope that I’m someone’s. It’s really hard.
Just leave it blank. It was blank in my profile I just looked at, but didn’t show up as blank. That header wasn’t even there, but I remember that being a profile section. You didn’t have to complete every section.
If you HAVE to answer it, maybe say something along the lines of, “it depends. I might be working on my quest for the holy grail of tacos, or I might be catching up on ____ (insert show here) or wine-ing down with some co-workers.” Some bullshit like that. You could throw your favorite video game in the middle of that. Don’t LIE, but think of a few different things you actually have done on a Friday or would do.
