DW Community Catch-up Thread
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YES! To what Nookie and Kate are saying. It’s a great feeling. At the ripe age of 36, one of my closest girlfriends finally knows what they’re describing feels/looks like. That’s what I wish for everyone who wants a partner in crime.
@Veritek That’s really lame. Sorry your date was a dud. I’d definitely start pulling back and focusing energy elsewhere. You’ll find someone both awesome *and* excited about you!
In the meantime, man dating sucks sometimes.
Bleh, that is so lame, Veritek. I agree with everyone else. Those beagles only get to meet someone who is really excited to meet them. It’s only fair!
Aw dang Vertiek, I’m sorry, that sucks. It sounds like it was just an awkward sitch all around, though it is good that he texted you today! It sounds like he is either a) not sure of what he wants or b) not sure of what you want or, most likely c) both. Just give it time & things will shake out as they may. You sound like you’re doing a good job of being realistic and letting him take the lead though.
I have an update too! I need input from you guys because I’m not sure quite what to think.
Hippie Artist Guy came over last night; I had set out snacks on the coffee table and had bought the beer he likes. It was…really nice, but I’m still not quite sure what he wants. I feel like the episode of SATC when Carrie was trying to figure out if Aiden wanted to be her boyfriend or just her friend.
Examples:
1) He walked all around my kitchen and living room bemusedly looking at things; he was very curious. There was a lot of witty banter (he poked fun at me for having two fold-out stools – I’m 4’10”), and he seemed…bemused and charmed, I guess. Date?
2) His vernacular is confusing me! Often times he will say “Dude, this and this happened!” or “Man, I’m telling you” and I want to be like I’M NOT A DUDE OR A MAN! Friend?
3) He often would stand very close to me when I was getting him a drink or something. Date?
4) He STILL HAS NOT KISSED ME. Friend?Basically, after he saw the lay of the land and did yoga stretches in my living room (cute), we sat on the couch with my dog and drank and watched old episodes of Law & Order and talked. He laughed a lot; he seems to think I’m…bemusedly funny. He says I’m funny a lot, actually.
It was kind of like he was observing me in my natural habitat and seeing if it’s something he wanted to be a part of, lol.
As it got later (and after he had 3 beers and 2 glasses of rum) he put a pillow up against me and curled up against it. He has a great head of hair, and it took all the courage in me to run my fingers through it…which I did, and he kind of purred and made very contended sounds. I figure if he didn’t like me he would’ve thought that was weird, right? I dd that about 3 times and he seemed to really like it.
It got late and he lives about half an hour away and seemed to have no desire to leave, so I offered to let him stay – either in my guest room or on the couch. I have a guest bed which I talked up but he just curled up on the couch and went to sleep after I gave him blankets and pillows.
I told him I’d have to kick him out at like 8:10am so I could go to work, and he’s like “F*ck, that’s early” but he stayed.
And so in the morning I had to creep downstairs to let my dog out so I wouldn’t wake him, and even despite my best efforts she went over to jump on the couch and say hi (she’s 5lbs, so, not too bad) and he seemed amused by that. Then I went up and got dressed, went back downstairs, woke him up, and he left and I left for work. He hugged me and said it was really good to see me again.
I had been on the fence but I am starting to like him quite a bit. He’s just…a grown-up. I mean, he’s 38, he doesn’t spend all our time together with his nose in his phone. He drinks rum on the rocks. He doesn’t care what people think of him. He doesn’t suffer from the seemingly crippling insecurity of the 20-something dude.
And yet I don’t know what he wants and I am way too terrified to ask.
I texted him this morning and told him I had fun last night, and picked out some specific things I like about him and complimented him on them.
And now…I’ll wait to hear from him like I always do. 🙂
@TheladyE, that’s odd. You were sitting close, you gave plenty of indication that physical contact was ok by you, you made an affectionate gesture, touching him, there was every opportunity to make out, including beers, and he didn’t make any kind of move in that direction. But he seems to enjoy your company and was happy to stay over at your house.
This is where I’d bust out that script, like, “hey, so, we’ve been seeing each other pretty regularly, and I’m having fun and enjoying spending time with you. At this point in my life, I’m looking for X type of thing (i.e., looking to date and eventually find something more serious). How about you? And if he says that’s what he’s looking for to, you could ask does he see this going in that direction.
I’d be pretty confused and somewhat annoyed at this point, if it’s been 7 or 8 dates and no kiss. Next time you could try a goodnight kiss and see what happens, but jeez, I’d like to see the guy take some initiative, especially with you seeming to send the right signals.
Veritek: time to pull back. This guy should plan a great date asap and should kiss you on that date great. If it doesnt happen within one week, MOA. And don’t be too fast to return his texts. Wait an hour or so. Even (or especially) if it’s a text asking you out again.
LadyE: You should pull back too and let this guy take the lead. He had five drinks and crashed overnight at your place and didn’t try to even kiss you? That’s weird.
Also! Don’t ask someone what they want when you aren’t sure if you’re dating or hanging as friends. It should be a more show than tell kind of thing. If a guy is into you and wants to be more than friends, he will show you. Especially if you are inviting him over, getting him liquored up, and running your fingers through his hair on your couch. If he’s not showing you some indication of his feelings at that point, I wouldn’t get hopes up too high that there’s anything more than a friendship thing happening.
WWS. I think I moved in with my ex on before we were in the double digits of dates. Not that I’m reccomending that, but jeez! Either these guys are completely clueless or they aren’t into you. And even if they were, would you want everything to move at a snails pace like this?
Geez, what is WITH these guys? Wendy’s totally right. For lack of a better phrase, it sounds a bit like He’s Just not that Into You.
Amen, Wendy. The summer I started dating my husband, I had already had plans pretty much every weekend, so at first our dates were far between and usually during the week. But I made sure to show him in other ways I was into him every chance I could – and I made the first move to kiss him so he wouldn’t think I was friend-zoning him. These guys should be making you feel special without you ladies having to ask for validation. Fuck that. If you’re not getting that by date 4 or 5 MOA. There are so many great guys out there and spending time on the ones who string us along, send “mixed messages” and otherwise cause us unnecessary anxiety are just not worth the time and effort.
And I have given these types of guys the power to cause me all kinds of anxiety in the past and when I started dating A and I realized how EASY it could be, I wanted to punch myself in the face for being such an idiot in the past. I say this to say, even if he’s great on paper, doesn’t outright treat you like shit, and is “your type” it doesn’t mean you should waste another second on him if you don’t feel confident, self-assured and like you don’t have to over analyze everything he does and says.
Seriously, WWS
I think I’ve told this on here before, but I knew my husband through work, he asked me to the movies, and all through the movie and subsequent drinks I couldn’t tell if it was a date or just friendly. But he removed the doubt by giving me an AMAZING kiss when he dropped me off. And we may have made out a couple of hours. Ahem.I would never ask a guy if we were friends or dating, like Wendy said, he should SHOW you what his intentions are.
Seriously, Veritek and LadyE, do what Wendy said, pull away a little. DO NOT INITIATE CONTACT OR PLANS. And see if the guys step up. If not, their loss.
