DW Community Catch-up Thread
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@kmtthat I am now somewhat updated on your situation and this guy (and how things ended with him) seems… odd(?). I think it’s really selfish when someone tells you they’re not that interested and then they continue to reach out. I’ve had this happen to me from an ex who felt guilty about how things ended and it only made things worse for me, even if it helped relieve his guilt. I know you have mutual friends, but I’d stop responding to him. If he’s not someone you see frequently, you’ll probably be better positioned to actually be his friend (should you both care to actually remain friends) the next time you’re out with mutual friends if you do make a clean break at least for a little while.
@MissDre – I don’t even know the whole back story on this guy, but that really sucks! Wow. It has historically been easier for me to accept that someone just isn’t into me than to accept things like meeting someone great when timing is working against you. FWIW, though, I do think it seems like he’d care about your opinion?
I really have no idea what’s going through his head or whether or not he would consider me in his decision.
I decided to follow up with another text, cuz I don’t want him to think I don’t care. And I don’t want to spend the next 5 days pretending I don’t care when really I feel like I’ve had the wind knocked out of me.
So I said, for the record I would be really sad if you decide to leave. I hope you don’t think I’m indifferent or that I don’t care. I care very much. But obviously it’s entirely your decision and I’ll be supportive whatever you choose.
And he just came back with a joke saying “Yikes, thought you were cold hearted there for a second. Lol”
@Ale probably not.
I think the only way I would consider it is if it was for a set period of time. Like, “I’m going for 1 year to save X amount of money and get the experience, and then I will move back.” And we would have to have visits planned.
But, in all likelihood, that won’t happen. I’m guessing he would take the job not knowing how long he wants to stay there. In which case… no I wouldn’t put myself through the bullshit of an international LDR with no end date.
@MissDre oh wow, that’s a surprise! I mean it totally sucks to just have to sit and wait….I guess if he doesn’t decide to take it I would still float the conversation of “where do you see yourself in 5 years” or at least find out if moving internationally would be a goal of his. It would suck for him not to take it then 3 months later take a job in Europe or something.
And yeah per my situation –dude is just weird. None of it is done out of selfishness or malice, I know I could call him for anything and he’d be there for me. He’s never ended things with someone so I think he just doesn’t know how to act. I still think he ended things from a place of inexperience/fear so it’s just kind of crappy. But going to stick with no contact and yeah if we end up being friends eventually, cool. But not right now.
I know a few ppl recently who’ve been offered really high paying jobs in the Middle East, seems like it’s getting more common. They haven’t ended up taking them but…
I don’t like that “cold hearted” comment, kinda rubs me the wrong way, not sure why.
I would anticipate the worst, because Im pessimist like that. And not only about the Middle East job, but also about the 4 hour drive and his schedule…
I am SO MAD that he didn’t call me before his flight left for the middle east. I specifically asked him to and he didn’t. He didn’t even text to say something like “sorry I couldn’t call, I will talk to you when I get there” …
How do I express how pissed off I am in a mature way? Or should I not even bother? Maybe I should just be like fuck this, go ahead and take your new job, don’t call me when you get back.
I don’t know if he is conflicted about this job offer or what but he has NOT been himself the last 2 days. I am used to always waking up to a good morning text from him, and then a phone call from him during his first stop of the day, and a few texts throughout the day. On Tuesday, I didn’t hear from him all day. Then finally in the evening he texts and says he got a job offer in the Middle East. So I replied and asked if it was something he was considering and he just says “departing now, gotta go, ttyl” and then nothing the rest of the day.
Yesterday, I barely heard from him except for his text to say he’s flying to the middle east to discuss the job offer, that he knows it will affect us but he hasn’t made any decisions yet. I asked him to call me before he leaves and nothing. Not even a text.
I’m pissed off. Do I say something or just walk the fuck away right now?
