DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Yes to what Kare said about a sudden, big job offer altering normal behavior. I apparently was acting really weird before I moved to my current city, or so I’m told, and I think it’s because everything happened so fast between the point I applied and when I actually had to be in town. I’d personally calm down and wait to talk to him.
Totally possible, and why I recommended not sending a ballistic text. Also totally possible: he’s in another relationship, the whole Middle East job offer thing is a made-up story because he needs to disappear for a bit.
But you’re going to learn a lot more if you stay calm, discuss, and observe, than if you freak out.
If you don’t hear from him until he gets back, when you do finally hear from him, I’d say: “Hey, I’m really confused and disappointed and hurt. You came on so hot and heavy from the beginning, giving me every indication that you not only wanted a committed relationship, but you wanted one with me. You even asked me to be exclusive. In my mind, that level of closeness warrants at least a conversation that you may be up for a job on the other side of the world. Maybe you didn’t know you were up for the job until you were offered to you, but if you did, I wish you would have shared that with me as it maybe would have changed how I moved forward with you. And as soon as you did know about this job, I would have appreciated an actual phone call. But you didn’t call when you found out about it or even in the days you were away. That sends a clear message to me that conflicts with the message you’d been giving me up to now, and so I don’t know what to think or feel, except confusion and disappointment and hurt.”
@MissDre Have you been to his home? Met anyone in his life? Do you think it’s possible he is hiding a marriage/ secret life from you? Does that ring plausible given what you do or don’t know and have seen and haven’t seen of his life?
We don’t want to put an irrational fear in your head, but if it isn’t totally irrational, I think it’s wise to at least investigate a little if you can (social media, google, etc.).
Is there a reason you have to doubt he’s lying about a job interview? I mean other than us speculating. If he hasn’t done anything shady so far, why the doubt? Are there things you’ve been overlooking until now? Or do you have trust issues? Even if he doesn’t take the job, it doesn’t sound good for the relationship if you don’t fully believe your partner at this point.
Have you googled him? Is he really who he says he is?
Whatever you do, I would not put your life on hold to hear back from him.
Yeah but behavioral changes in the face of life-changing circumstances (in this case an international move) is perfectly reasonable.
Thanks for helping with the words Wendy.
I don’t think it’s possible that he’s married. For one thing, where I live men my age aren’t married. Like, ever.
Is it possible that he’s hiding another relationship? Could be. No I haven’t been to his home. He always flies to my city to be with me. Neither of us have met people in each other’s lives, but that seems normal to me since we’ve only been together for 2 months. In my mind, yeah we’re exclusive but we’re still establishing our relationship and I haven’t even thought about introducing him to my friends yet.
I know for 100% fact that he is not lying about his job or his flights. If you want details about how I know this I can give them. But I do have tangible, physical proof that everything he tells me about his work is true. I have done my fair share of googling (something I do with all my dates, not just him).
If he is hiding another relationship, then what does he get out of talking to me all the time? It isn’t sex, cuz we’re long distance. And I wouldn’t even sleep with him in the beginning. So why would he get on a plane to come see a girl who won’t even fuck him? And what does he get out of calling me and face timing me every day, if I’m just a side piece?
Anyway, sure. It’s possible that he gets a kick out of having two girls on the go at one time, but that’s not really my fear at this point.
I’m mostly fucking pissed that he led me to believe that he was looking for something serious. He’s the one who asked me what I was looking for, and I told him I was looking for a life partner. He asked me what kinds of things I wanted in a parter. He was the one initiating contact with me. The daily phone calls. The texts. The face timing. He’s the one who told me he had taken down his dating profile.
We just spent the night together on Sunday. And then all of a sudden he goes quiet and cold. No phone call. No indication of when I’ll hear from him. All I get out of him is “I know it will affect us. I haven’t decided about the move yet.” And then silence.
I’m not expecting him to turn down a job for me, if this job is what he wants. I have no say in this job thing since we’ve only been together for two months. But I am so hurt that he has basically shoved me aside and given me no indication of what’s going on.
