DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Well we cancelled surgery. Husband was not happy about the bait and switch, although I don’t think it was with ill intent and the director of the facility is livid and nearly was in tears with me. Plus, for the amount we would pay we could have the best doctor in the country. I already have a consult set up with a great doctor out of state who is very upfront with his pricing and has done over 8k procedures but just pushes it all back months and months. I think there will be a lot of tears shed in my house the next few days. Really need a damn bath tub right now so I can sit in it for a few hours and mope….and a bottle of Kettle One of course.
All I was saying was no matter how our kids actually are and how we raise them those little gendered ideas can still creep into how we speak about them. They’re that pervasive. I’m not at my most articulate seeing as I’ve been stuck at my house for a week and the supermarkets have no food but it was a small observation, I wasn’t trying to start a nature vs nurture debate.
I’m sorry about your surgery JD. Do you have to start right from scratch, like with basic initial consults and everything? If so that really sucks.
In my academic experience, external gender socialization is a very strong force, and that many things attributed innately/biologically to gender are really from our society. For instance, I remember reading a study that looked at young American boys that artificially lowered their voices before the physical change happened, and girls artificially raised their voices. If it was only biological, that should not be possible, but gender socialization is a strong force. I remember reading other studies that looked at how play in children as young as 3 mirrors the society’s gender roles (and those activities varied by culture rather than gender). And that even with parents who tried to avoid introducing gendered activities, their children picked up on the gender roles enforced by the world around them anyway (peers, teachers, media, etc.).
This was the first text from my language and gender class, which I though had an good introduction to gender socialization that seems accessible to a lay audience while citing a number of studies on the subject (specifically the part “Learning to be gendered”): https://www.ffri.hr/~ibrdar/komunikacija/seminari/Eckert,%202002%20-%20Language%20and%20gender%20(chepter)%20-%20sanmo%20uvod.pdf
And I’m sorry JD, that is *so* frustrating! I’d be angry if I went through all those hoops and waited all that time only to have that happen. Ugh…
Culture is definitely ingrained in us no matter what we try or don’t try. It’s impossible not to be! It’s in the way we were raised and a lot of it is so subtle that you (general you) may not even realize what your doing – how it’s being perpetuated. It takes being aware of all those subtle things we do to make changes. but it’s probably impossible to catch all of them. Anyway, these are my opinions. I have no data (though i’ve read a lot about it as it fascinates me and this is a general take on the cumulative things I’ve read).
Seriously though, that sucks. Something like 2/3 of our close friends have had long fertility processes and I know how frustrating it is.
Thanks guys. Yes we have to start from scratch, but this out of state Dr already has an initial phone consult set up in a bit over a month. Since we went though most of the process we can just send records to him and do lab work here then go there for surgery. 90% of his patients are out of state so he works around and doesn’t make you fly out numerous times. He is said to be THE GUY so let’s hope that goes well. I will look into more doctors locally though as I’m not putting all my eggs into one basket again.
