BF's Neighborhood – NOT PC
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On that note, I think it’s completely unreasonable for everyone to say that her observation of blatant racism against her and her bf isn’t valid. If she was white and said, “Hey Black girl!” to the only black girl in the store/coffee shop/whatever, then she’d be called a racist. But apparently it’s fine to do that to white people, or even asian people in her case? Racism is not okay, period. She is seeing and experiencing racism, from other racial groups directed at both her (of Asian descent) and to her bf and his friends (Caucasians). It’s still racism, even when directed at the “majority” group.
I know I originally interpreted her comment about “white people” as though someone yelled it at her and her boyfriend while they were walking down the street, but reading it back I don’t think that’s what happened.
I think I conversation or she overhears it on the third person. As in “all those white folks moving in won’t say hello” or something which to me, is not bothersome. I don’t know, maybe it is racist, I dunno.
And even if it is tinged with racism – it’s not a bodily threat against her, or necessarily threatening at all.
It’s still not okay, and is still racist, even if she’s hearing it in passing. Obviously it’s said loud enough for her to hear. If someone (black, white, whoever) would say loud enough, but not directly to her “Look at those chinks moving in” or if white people were going to say “look at all those black people moving in” etc. Racism is a very real thing, and it’s directed at all groups, not just “minorities” (while in the US a group may be a minority, that same group can be a majority in a particular region). There are also minority on minority racism and crime, especially with black on asian crime in the Bay Area, because while Asians are a US minority, they’re a majority in some cities/towns in the Bay Area.
And while people want to call her out for her alleged racism because she described a neighborhood a certain way, well, it’s unfair if the majority of that neighborhood is african american, and she constantly hears anti-white rhetoric from people in that neighborhood, to then call her racist. I’m sure as someone of Asian descent she is well acquainted with racism (as it’s probably been used against her, and probably her own peers/family use may be racists towards non-asians).
No, it is shouted literally on the street. Things like (when we park) “those white people not parking right” or “white boys (since its mostly guys when we hang out) going out to the club”
OK, can’t believe I am wading in here… I know OP said she isn’t white, but regardless, a few posts in here keep bringing up the concept of, for lack of a better term, ‘reverse racism.’ This is ridiculous. Anyone can be prejudiced, but actual racism is driven by institutionalized discrimination, unequal treatment, and oppression. Prejudices are not the same thing. A black person can roll their eyes at you all day, but you are not facing an entire culture that puts you at a disadvantage from birth, and refuses to even acknowledge the problem. (This also applies to ‘reverse sexism,’ btw.) Anyone who is getting pissed or defensive reading this needs to carefully examine how racism has actually impacted their life. Being called a ‘white person’ is not the same thing as being positioned as less-than within society.
Sheesh.
@BlueKate yes, thank you
And look, I’m sorry if I offended anyone. I was just trying to describe the situation as I experienced it and unfortunately race is a known factor of many crimes in my BF’s neighborhood. Like it or not, it is something that is relevant to the issue. I wish it weren’t that way but that’s how I have seen it unfold. I don’t mention this to be controversial or to hurt anyone’s feelings. It’s just true where he lives. I’m not ignorant, and I know that a lot of people of any race can be a certain way and it not be true of that particular race (ex: All Asians are nerds – but guess what I’m bad at math!) . I’m sorry if my language is/was crude, but if there is anywhere I feel like I can be candid it’s here. Yes it’s true that I could have used more PC language but the fact is, the experiences I’m describing don’t exactly get described well if I were to do so.
Regardless, thanks for everyone’s insight. I understand I can’t exactly tell my BF what to do and that he is a grown man. I still remain concerned but all I can do is what I have been doing so far with the checking in. I guess the problem still remains and I have to deal with obtaining peace of mind on my own.
I don’t see how saying “white boys going to the club” is rascist. Blonde girl walking down the street. Redhead buying coffee. White man washing his car. Little boy riding his bike. Tall woman reading a book. Fat man watching TV. None of her examples were anti-white rhetoric. And they aren’t threatening.
Maybe if you introduced yourself and treated them like…um people, because hats what they are, instead of looking at all of your BF’s neighbors as criminals, they would be able to shout “Mimosa and her BF can’t park right!” Just a thought.
Also, not to pile on, but Mim0sa posts on here like clockwork about perceived slights and OTT anxieties (e.g., boyfriend is obsessed with going to the gym, friends aren’t supportive of my job…). If you are honestly so on edge and miserable that you need this much advice, might I suggest therapy? I say this with kind intentions, not to make you feel bad. It just seems like it can’t be a fun way to live your life to fixate on so many small things.
well it’s not really his IMMEDIATE neighbors, its just people in general (in the neighborhood) when we walk around. Like, I don’t think I would ever really feel comfortable going around just introducing myself to random people every time they make a comment but that’s pretty much beside the point. My main concern is that they walk in a neighborhood with known high crime at night after drinking, and they walk through a part that is known to have such racial tensions at a very bad (2-3am) time. 6 homicides have been reported in his neighborhood this week.
Re the anxieties: yeah it’s true and I am trying to find help. It’s hard with insurance, but still looking around.
Yes, maybe the problem is actually her own fear and anxiety. There’s at least one other person who posts regularly about stuff like that (under different names), and it makes me think, ok, you keep posting, and you’re still having the same issues, so the advice you’re getting isn’t working, maybe it’s time to see someone about the anxiety, fear, insecurity, etc. that’s causing you to experience all these issues and project stuff onto other people in your life. The forums are always here for support, but if you’re not getting anywhere, a professional can often help.
Ugh, you don’t get it! As someone else stated above, it’s not race, it’s economic status. There are plenty of areas all over the country that are predominately white that have high crime. You could have used different language from the beginning, and said, “it’s sketchy, it’s a rough neighborhood.” You chose to bring race into it. You have failed to prove why it’s relevant at all to this conversation other than you being prejudiced.
Crime can happen anywhere. High crime neighborhoods are all over the place regardless of the predominate race living there. Why is race a factor in so much crime? Institutionalized racism. Yes, you do sound ignorant and rascist. Yes, the more posts and excuses you make, make you sound worse. You are offending us, because your comments are offensive! Asians are nerds is a really different statement than all black people are criminals. SMH.
