Can’t forget my ex – even though I know we need to be apart
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It’s common to feel that way after a relationship ends, especially if there were red flags that you overlooked or ignored during the relationship. However, it’s important to be kind to yourself and recognize that falling for someone who turned out to be a bad fit is a common experience.
It’s also worth considering that manipulative individuals are often skilled at hiding their negative traits and presenting a false image of themselves. This can make it difficult to recognize red flags until it’s too late. What’s important now is to learn from this experience and use it to inform your future relationships.
Focus on taking care of yourself and making choices that align with your values and boundaries. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness in any relationship, and don’t settle for less.
Everything Kate said.
No need to feel stupid. Most of us have been in similar situations. I know I have. You learn and move on. Don’t let this hiccup get you down. You got relatively fast. You’re doing good.
It seems like this guy just likes being the centre of attention, and nothing makes him more interested than someone ignoring him. You could be perfect in every way and he’d still be unsatisfied. I suspect you’re not the only ‘ex’ he’s communicating with and trying to cheat on his girlfriend with. You are not to blame for his behaviour and immaturity.
I also don’t know why you refer to his girlfriend as his ex if they’re now back together again.
It was an 8-month relationship that has been over for 4 months, right? I think it’s time to start dating other people. Back in my day – I was 22 – when I was broken-hearted over a relationship that was super intense but not super long-lasting (nine months), my friends told me that the best way to get over one guy was to get under another. I’m not advocating for jumping into bed with someone else if that’s not what you want, but hitting the market again and going on dates and reminding yourself that the manipulative ex is far from the only guy out there can be pretty helpful in moving on.
I read your post from yesterday. This guy’s “last message” has done exactly what he intended it to do. It props a wedge in a door that you’re trying to close. His message forces you to think about him, question yourself and your decisions, and rethink everything. He’s manipulating you into doubting yourself. He’s trying to snake his way back in using your guilt and desire to believe that people can change – that he’ll change just for you. Walk away from this.
Staying in this loop is going to keep you anxious, sad, sleeping too much or too little, and not focused on your health and career like you should be. Get yourself unstuck and you’ll end up feeling much better and being open to good things coming your way.
We’ve all been there because we’re older, but look at that message. As part time lurker said, it did exactly what he meant it to and now you’re wasting more time in your one precious life on this waste of space.
This is a great time to start exercising self control. Stop purposefully thinking of him. Redirect your thoughts when he comes up in them. Go out on some dates with better guys who don’t treat you badly, and don’t treat other people badly. It ended four months ago and was only four months long, right? Just stop with this guy. It can be that easy. You just have to block and block and never read a message or email from him again. See his name? Delete. Don’t even open it.
You choose what you spend your time on. Stop pining away for a guy that doesn’t really exist. This guy is crap and the only reason your relationship with him didn’t get worse is you had the sense (at the time) to stop seeing him. Remember that intuition, hold onto it and just do not engage with him ever again. Feel the power of not giving a shit about someone who treated you badly and continued to treat his girlfriend horribly. It’s awesome when you have the self control not to screw around with the bad exes that need to stay in the past.
I don’t think you have anything to feel stupid about, LW. It can be easy to ignore red flags at the beginning of a relationship when things are new and exciting — especially when it’s one of those fast, intense connections.
