CONTROLLING OLDER SISTER, FEEL TRAPPED AT 20
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Definitely get your birth certificate and social security card in your name (as well as whatever other paperwork is needed). Tell her it’s for an application to a new job or whatever. If you have to get your brother in law to open the safe or get you these documents.. do it.
With your financial aid, is it possible to move into the dorms?
Yeah, I’d say to get the important stuff out, like the irreplaceable stuff, out ahead of time. It’s entirely possible that she could say, “Fine, then move out now” or something. Her implication that you are not functioning at a 20-year-old level is ridiculous. The amount of careful consideration that you’ve shown just in explaining the situation and your plans definitely shows that you are capable of making adult decisions.
Wow, thank you so much for the confidence guys and to answer some questions 1) no she does not have experience “parenting” any 16 year old girls she just basis me off how she was at my age she was very advanced (not so much in a positive way). 2) I am preparing for the worst I’m setting up an emergency bag just in case I was told to just leave 3) it’s inter that you brought up sending a letter because I was considering just leaving and then telling her afterwards but I sort of decided against it as I thought maybe that would be immature even though it would be easiest in some aspects. 4) I would have to wait till Fall2019 to move into a dorm as that is when I will be transferred to a university and dorm eligible
Honestly, while setting up an emergency bag is a great idea (you never know what might happen as you prepare to leave), I wouldn’t even have this argument with her. She’s 100% going to try to talk you out of it, and I think it’s a mistake to give her that opportunity. Sending a letter is NOT immature when your sister has PROVED to you that she doesn’t talk to you with respect for you or in good faith (intending on viewing your position as valid even if different). Move out when she’s not there and then send the letter. Your sister is making things hard for you for no reason. It’s okay to make the situation she’s causing you easier for you.
If you do want to have the conversation in person, I still suggest the same. Move out first and then meet her in a public place.
Here’s the thing, even if your sister wanted to, she may find it hard to re-calibrate how she treats you. I just don’t see an upside to giving her another chance here before you gain some independence.
Kasey,
You are showing a lot of courage and maturity in a very difficult situation.
Whether you decide to tell her in person that you are leaving or write a letter, you need to be prepared to act as soon as she knows you are moving out. I am afraid that the odds are very small that your sister will react positively to an adult discussion.That you have already packed an emergency bag shows that you are already starting to get prepared. I will second the advice of other commentators. Get together important documents such as your birth certificate and social security card. When your sister and brother-in-law are out, you can also pack other items such as clothes and sentimental items from your father. Your BF can bring his car to help you transport your things, and you can store them at your BF’s apartment.
Here is one more thing that none of the other commentators have mentioned. It sounds like your sister is monitoring your texts and email, making it difficult to communicate with your BF. Since you still have a little money of your own, buying a disposable phone that she cannot monitor will help you facilitate your escape plan. The opportunity to move your things may come at short notice, and you need to be able to contact your BF.
Good luck.
You should not bother talking to your sister. Not going to change anything. A chaperone at 20. You are not having grand mal seizures or live in the Middle East. And who told you there was no will/trust, your sister? Most cancer patients do this first thing, especially when there is a minor child. For all you know she could be getting money as long as you live with her. You need to make it a priority to see an estate lawyer for then to do a record check. It will not cost that much. T
I will consult with an estate lawyer when I have gotten out of this situation. Originally I wanted to talk to her about being able to regain control over my life whilst living under her roof. However, upon reading everyone’s advice I have thought about reconsidering this. If I were to move out ASAP I would have to move in with my boyfriend- which she has already made clear that “she knows where he lives” and that she’s appalled at that idea of me ruining my life and would reach out to my mom and never let me come back for help if I needed it. According to her I wouldend up getting pregnant, dropping out of college and having to do “something strange for a piece of change”. Which is not the case I’m very responsible and safe. I’ve tried to contemplate all the solutions I could take that would promote the least amount of drama possible.
Why did she make you quit your job? How are you going to support yourself going to college? What about saving money for the future?
She made me quit my job because she thought I was being influenced and wanted to keep an eye on me so she has me work for her 3days a week for 4 hours if I want a job. I currently pay for college through my financial aid and my scholarship. I was able to save for the future previously when I had my own job but now I’m living off my savings to pay for gas(car expenses), schoolbooks (and other school needs that are not covered by aid), and my phone bill.
Kasey, the things your sister says you to are bringing me right back to my own situation that I went through at a similar age. My parents also predicted I would end up instantly pregnant and homeless, never graduate, etc. I just want to let you know that NONE of those things happened to me. Because, like you, I was actually a pretty responsible young adult who researched, had a plan, and was only ever trying to get out a situation that made me want to curl up in a ball and die. Please know that I believe in you! You got this
Also, there might be resources you’re not aware of that you could use through your school – ex. emergency loans, summer housing for students who can’t go home, or even just someone to talk to and help you work through all the shit your sister is laying on you. Now is the time to take help from your community if you need it – it’s there for people in your exact situation.
Anonykins,
Thank you so much for your encouragement it’s really great hearing from people who have through similar situations and gotten through it. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond
