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Dear Wendy

Daughter in law rejects our gifts?

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  • #689884 Reply

    I’ve noticed a lot of parents (baby boomers I guess) have become, if not hoarders, then at least comfortable with having a lot of stuff in their houses.

    Oh my gosh, this. My parents have so much stuff. My MIL has sooooo much stuff. Whereas we constantly make runs to Goodwill. We don’t give each other tangible gifts hardly anymore, and try to direct our family away from things.

    Part of it might be they have larger homes that they’ve been in for decades; whereas we have our small starter home (maybe, maybe not, maybe we stay here forever) and have only been there a few years. It’s possible after 30 years we’ll have accumulated a lot more, but I do think to a certain extent there is an generational difference.

    We want less stuff, in general.

    #689885 Reply

    I’m late to this, but oh my. I think it was dinoceros who said “Giving someone the same gift for every holiday is incredibly lazy and impersonal.” Exactly! Even if she does enjoy the art, to get the same thing over and over (even if each piece is different, and even if your husband worked hard on it) requires little thought from you. She wants you to think, for once, about something else that she might like.

    My boyfriend is an artist, and he’s incredibly talented. He has given me a couple of paintings as gifts, and I have to admit being a little bit disappointed when he gave me a painting as a birthday gift this year, after giving me one for Christmas. I want him to think about something else I might like (even though his paintings are wonderful). So imagine how your DIL feels after getting 20 PAINTINGS from you guys!

    #689891 Reply
    Avatar photobagge72

    Haven’t read all of the replies yet, but it seems like you hate her. You keep forcing left over art that nobody else wanted on her for every special occasion in her life. “hey dear your special day is coming up, come over and pick out a piece of poop particle art that we can wrap up and pretend it’s a big surprise in front of everyone”. You can’t really think that your husbands art is so special that she would want to cover every square inch of wall space in her house with it can you? I’m going to hang a couple of my paintbar art pieces in my bathroom and invite my mom over next week for her birthday and let her pick one out.

    #689895 Reply
    Avatar photobagge72

    Ok so read the replies, and oh man grandma! 20 pieces of Art! You think because your husband put his heart and soul into something it makes a good gift? That only works if he put his heart and soul into making something specifically for somebody. I put my heart and soul into a lot of things nobody would ever want! Your poor husband too! You’ve been trying to pawn off his art as unwanted gifts to everyone, and he probably feels like shit when your son has to return them. Get her the friggin bubble bath for her birthday and something off of her damn registry!

    Now your son and daughter have nothing to show from you and your husband in their house that is useful to them. It sounds like you owe her a lot of gifts, thank god she is kind and respectful, and doesn’t actually want much or anything from you. You should be lucky to have such a thoughtful daughter in-law, and she is lucky she has a guy that sticks up to his parents. This is honestly the type of thing that could break up a marriage if they didn’t work so well together!

    Sorry for all of the ranting you are probably a wonderful woman. You sound like the type that gets in everyone’s business but legitimately thinks you are helping.

    #689897 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa

    Oh, wow. I’m late to this party, but I agree with the comments I’ve read. She’s not being dishonest with you if she had her husband give some gifts back! So, stop getting her art! Even if you think gifting someone bath items is silly, who cares? It’ll cost you like $15, and it would probably make her very happy to get a gift that she ACTUALLY wants and isn’t repurposed from your bathroom. If you really believe a gift is a gift, then by all means, get her something she wants or has asked for even if it’s not something YOU would like. If a family member kept giving me the same exact gift for all occasions, I’d think they’re lazy and thoughtless, to be honest. If I were your DIL I’d start making super ugly crafts and gifting them all to you.

    Also, yes to Baby Boomers having a ton of crap. My parents are in a decent-sized house and the basement and attic are basically storage for things nobody uses anymore. Whenever my mom comes to visit, she’ll bring me random hand-me-down kitchen gadgets that I don’t ask for and almost always do not want. Like she once brought me some of their old camping dishes, which I turned around and donated, because I have no need for ugly plastic sporks, plates, and mugs, especially when I’m already in a one-bedroom and at a stage of my life where I still move units every few years.

    #689904 Reply
    Avatar photorosie posie

    I have been following this since last night when it was posted and have agreed 100% with everyone else’s comments.

    I have to say that I had the exact same thought as bagge72. It really sounds like you hate your DIL and this is a passive aggressive way of showing it. Do you give your son one of his dad’s pieces of art for every single gift giving occasion & if you don’t, why not? I commend your son for standing by his wife and dealing with his family without throwing her to the wolves and she is a saint for being well mannered and tactful enough to deal with your behavior as well as she has.

    Copa, YES! I was thinking the same thing about the crafts. This woman is so lucky her daughter in law has been gracious. I have to wonder how many times the DIL was out with for a girls night and they all joke about the things she should start making and gift to her in laws. Good on her for not actually doing it but I’m sure she has had to let off some steam now and then.

    #689906 Reply

    On a side note – I need a large piece of art for a tall wall in my new house.

    #689907 Reply

    I know where you could probably get one if you’re nice.

    #689908 Reply

    My mom doesn’t have a ton of stuff, in fact she’s always trying to get rid of stuff and purge because she’s a minimalist. Unfortunately that means she’s always trying to give me crap I don’t want/need. And I tell her no mom it’s ok, I won’t use it, just get rid of it. Yet I then find it sitting in the back seat of my car and I have to figure out how to get rid of my mom’s old lamps that I hate.

    #689909 Reply
    Avatar photobagge72

    @Copa “Even if you think gifting someone bath items is silly, who cares? It’ll cost you like $15, and it would probably make her very happy to get a gift that she ACTUALLY wants and isn’t repurposed from your bathroom. ”

    You think so, but where do you think she is going to get the bubble bath from! She’s going to bring her in the bathroom again, and have her pick a half used tube right from tub!

    #689910 Reply

    Add me to the list of people whose parents are hoarders. I can’t wait until they pack up (hopefully get rid of everything) and move to AZ.

    #689911 Reply
    Avatar photoJuliecatharine

    My parents have so much stuff. My mother has furniture in her basement and attic that nobody wants but she won’t get rid of it because ‘some of it is valuable’. She has at least five sets of good china. I think some of it is being raised by parents who lived through the depression.

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