Difficult situation
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anonymousse. I genuinly appreciate everyone commenting here. But again, you should close your internet browser. Not because you’re saying things that could be considered hurtful or offensive. You’re simply going on about things that i know to not be true. With all due respect, i disregard everything you have to say.
Except for one thing. The crossing of boundaries. In all honesty, i never felt like asking more about the situation is actually actively crossing a boundary. I never considered it like that and maybe you’re right. I never had a role model on this matter. Maybe worth noting is I had an abusive mother. I genuinly feel that fucked me up from the start. Because of that, ive always been very very shy around girls. The reason i can’t keep girl’s interest is because i have major difficulties opening up to them. I feel like they’re bored with me after a while. As i said, the obsessive thought only come when faced with potentially losing one. Fear of abandonment?
Guy Friday: I’m sorry but i wrote a really long reply to you because i genuinly feel like you’re right but it didn’t come through for some reason. Would you think it’d be a good idea to apologise for not just accepting her initial rejection? IF i see her again , which could be in a month or two, potentially, im not going to see her for that specifically or something.
So if it weren’t clear already: I am backing off, leaving it as it is, 100%. You have given me great insights in the errors of my way of thinking and will actively recognize it when those thoughts come. Because of this i’m able to understand what i’m feeling better.
“Don’t need the “you got friend zoned brah, move on”. Thanks.”
By that i really meant i was looking for more elaborate replies than just this. Because i know it happened, i wanted advice on how to deal with it rather than a simple “move on”. As i said before, i feel like a lot of what im saying on here is coming through wrongly because of translation.
Other than that, good way to show me why my thinking isn’t how it should be. Thanks.
Okay, Hans, I guess IRL you never shout, tell people to fuck off, or call them derogatory names. You did say, though, that you always end up angry at the girls who break it off with you, though.
Anyway, this: “if you tell me you want to stay friends, still want to go out on dates, to parties, let me sleep over, chill at my place, i will get in on that.“
Well, it’s a bit problematic because, before saying that, she told you she felt nothing for you. So in all honesty, yeah, it’s weird that you wanted to carry on doing all that stuff. It sounds like you don’t care the least bit what her feelings are, you just want to keep trying to get at the sex. To further that point, you never mentioned any actual date-like hangouts, but you carefully detailed each occasion that you were supposedly about to hook up. I for one do think it’s sketchy that you hear “I feel nothing for you,” and think, “cool, let’s cuddle!” Like she’s just a cuddle doll. Doesn’t matter that there’s zero connection.
Next point… I’m not 100% sure of the timing, but it sounds like AFTER that conversation where she told you you could still hang out, you knocked on her door and had another conversation? During which you got on her case about another guy, and told her to tell him she wasn’t interested in anything serious? If so, you should be able to see it’s likely that your behavior after the initial conversation may have caused her to reconsider ever hanging out with you again. Because she hasn’t. And a person’s actions tell you much more than their words. Whatever she may have originally said, she obviously has changed her mind, and you seem to think it’s not ok for her to have done so.
Eh, fuck you Hans. I can keep my browser open all day and all night. IDGAF what you think about it. If you contact her again, I hope she calls campus police, her RA, or asks her new boyfriend that she actually likes to talk to you about respecting women.
Your mommy issues are no excuse for your shitty behavior. Grow up. Stop blaming everyone else for your creepy behavior. I’m not surprised you blame your mother, what a joke.
Hey Kate. I really don’t, never in an angry manner. I end up angry with myself after break ups, because i can’t blame someone for not liking me. I blame the part of myself that isn’t likeable, if only i knew what it really is.
I know, i wasn’t sure about the whole thing either. Know that she told me about her not feeling anything before our last date. We drove to the nearest McDonalds to get food and went to the movies afterwards. We then strolled about in the middle of the night in Brussels, under the Atomium (look it up, it’s quite nice at night)). It was freezing cold and i held her to ‘warm’ her and we had a brief little kiss. After which i stayed over again to cuddle. Because she said before she didn’t feel anything, i figured it would be nice to have this sort of thing going on, purely for some phsyical contact and affection. Plus, it wasn’t the sex i was after. I can get laid if i want to, it’s a real connection im missing out on, which i why i don’t like casual sex (with someone you don’t really get along with, that is). This made me think she saw me as a cuddle doll, not the other way around!
And yes, the first conversation about it was before said date. Some days later i went out partying with my friend who lives in her hallway. Because i wasn’t very sure of where we were at at the moment, i decided to go ask. Actually i wanted to let her know how i felt about it (im very uneasy with sharing my feelings right away, i need time to let conversations like the first one sink in before i really know how i feel about them). I wanted things to stay the way they were, it was great. But then she started going on about how great i am, called me a gift from god, said she’d never connected to a guy like me before, on the moment we met. THAT made it very very confusing for me. This conversation was also a bit rushed because me and my friend had to catch a bus, so it was all said in like 15 minutes. Another thing, i went on a party earlier and had a lot of female attention. I decided to ask what she’d think of that in order to get an idea in how serious she was taking “””us”””. Then she told me about how free she feels at uni and she also does what she wants so i wouldn’t have to worry. Okay, cool, i guess. But then she said she wouldn’t be in any relationship anythime soon, not now, not in a month or three. And then i asked where she felt the need from to tell me all of this. Then she told me about the guy, right after the relationship thing. So what i said was in a more joking matter, to be honest, i feel shot down by you people for saying that.
But yeah, the day after. I stayed to sleep with my friend but he sleeps long, like a rock and i was awake very early. So i walked into the kitchen, hungover as fuck and most people from the hallway were there. I asked if i could borrow a towel to shower, she said yeah sure come pick one up. So i knocked on the door, had a little chat, asked if we were good but she seemed more and more distant already. So dropped the towel off later, went to chill in the kitchen but my friend wouldn’t wake up at all, a real rock. So me thinking we could still hang, went to knock on her door. She was lying in her bed watching a series on her laptop. Normally id just watch with her but i felt very awkward. So she felt that as well. And i do think this may have caused her to change her mind after all, yes. I think it’s okay, but i hate to be left in the grey zone. And okay i learnt that i have to be able to simply take it as it is.
anonymousse, keep raging.
keep spewing hatred.
i really hope you feel a little bit better in your life.got anything else to say?
if not, see ya.
I mean, it does sound like the events of that night when you were partying at her dorm caused her mind to change, right?
This stood out to me (after reading through all of this):
“But id just rather know why than have her try not hurt me. I want to know why, so i can improve that part of myself.”
Maybe for one minute just stop – not everything is about YOU. SHE is allowed to stop liking you because of any reason in the world – maybe it has nothing to do with you at all. Relationship are about two people. No matter how “perfect” you may be or become, that isn’t going to mean that you are compatible with everyone. Acknowledge her right to autonomy. And maybe she doesn’t know what she wants right now – that is fair and that is her right but again has nothing to do with YOU. Instead of obsessing and wasting your time trying to convince her to give you answers, just realize that not everyone is a good fit for each other, get some therapy to deal with your emotional issues and drug dependency, and don’t date until you are comfortable and confident in who you are rather than trying to fix things for other people or be someone you are not.
Yes, and i feel it might be because i wasn’t confident enough in showing i was okay with being friends. I think this made her feel like i was expecting things from her, which pushed her away further. I can’t explain fully because there were more things said before, but it makes sense to me it wasn’t for the good.
And because i already had that feeling, i came to look for advice before trying to meet up to talk again. Good job, eh?
samidee, you’re late to the party, really. ive already come to that conclusion. I just want to know these things because it has happened many times before, it would be nice knowing you could improve something about yourself, no?
I am not trying to convince her to give me answers. I am here asking for advice on wether i should or not.
I already am no longer dependant.
I’m raging? You are the one obsessing here. You are the one who is angry at having been rejected.
I’m telling you we can see right through you.
Enjoy living in your mother’s basement!
