Talking to a married man, am I wrong?
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You are overthinking. To an extreme. This didn’t need seven pages of analysis.
“I’m talking to a guy, found out he’s married, claims it’s an open marriage, but the way he talks about his wife makes me uncomfortable. So I’m going to back off.”
“Hey, guy, I’ve enjoyed our talks, but they’re getting a little too personal for me, so I’m going to say goodbye now.”
See? That took about thirty seconds to resolve.
There’s a simple reason that you’re giving this situation so much headspace, and resisting our advice to stop talking to him. You’re really into him, and you’re trying to justify continuing to talk to him. You don’t want to let go. You wrote in hoping that we’d tell you it was ok to keep talking to him. You’re not being honest with yourself.
There are billions of people on this earth. I’m pretty sure you can find someone to talk to who isn’t married.
I think unfortunately after 7 pages you actually didn’t comprehend anything that was being said, especially if your take away was to ask him if he thought he was being inappropriate. If you thought it was inappropriate that should have been the end of it right there, this guy isn’t a long time friend of yours that gets forgiveness, and the benefit of the doubt, he’s an online stranger, who most likely was lying to you, and will keep lying to you if asked about it. I guess I see why so many people get catfished now…you are literally more worried about hurting the feelings of an online persona than you are about how you get treated.
“All I did was just ask him if this is inappropriate and that if it is then I don’t want to continue to talk to him. Thats the general gist of it. Trust me, I’ve probably learned my lesson now.”
LW — Can’t you even see what you wrote? You literally handed him the script for what he needs to type back in order for you to continue this on-line romantic (of course it’s romantic — that’s the reason you’re so tenaciously hanging onto it and how it came to eat up both of your lives with the all day, everyday texts, and why you have no visceral acceptance of the danger) relationship with a guy you’ve never even met.
I give up. You’re going to resume this relationship and in a few months you’ll be sending him nudes, out of fear that he’ll end it if you don’t comply with his wish. He was fading, but now sees he has you thoroughly hooked, so that with a couple weeks of reassurance it can be on to the next level.
Agree with Ron. You don’t want to end this. You like the attention. You want more. If you didn’t want more you’d end it.
Do you know he has an open marriage? Have you talked to his wife? She might be really surprised to learn she’s in an open marriage.
You’re feeling defensive, which is leading you to claim multiple contradictory things. You specify what his marital status is and that you are developing feelings for him in asking if this is appropriate. But when people say it’s not, you claim you just wanted to be friends and there’s nothing related to romance at all. It’s OK to just acknowledge that you were wondering if his marital status meant it was fine to pursue something with him. I feel like part of what’s wrong with society is that people always feel they have to seem perfect and like they don’t care about anything.
People here were trying to give you honest, albeit blunt, advice. It’s OK to get advice sometimes that reflects that maybe what you were doing wasn’t the best thing for you. You don’t have to try to change the entire narrative to prove that you were right all along or that you don’t even care about the situation at all.
BGM – totally agree and I have no issue with an open marriage if that’s the agreement by both parties. But when someone says “I’m in an open marriage.” and “I am very unhappy in my marriage.” and “I’m thinking of leaving my marriage.” … I would not advise getting into that mess.
Based on stats too, there’s at least an 85% chance his wife isn’t in an open relationship or doesn’t know she is.
We talked and decided that it’s not best for us to keep talking. He said that he made a mistake by telling me his wife’s issues and I told him that it made me uncomfortable. He apologized, so did I. I told him that I feel bad for talking to him especially when his marriage isn’t on good terms and he said that I shouldn’t feel bad but I reiterated to him that I do. We took each other off Snapchat.
Yeah it was necessary. We ended things amicably like we just decided it was best to not have each other on Snapchat. I’ll miss having someone to talk to but I need to find a guy in my real life to do that. So again I appreciate everyone’s comments. I especially new it had to end because I definitely caught feelings for him or whatever you would call it. Better to end it now before it got worse.
