alafair
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@Copa – that’s great! Dude def. doesn’t deserve any space in your head. So much better when you can be just supremely indifferent.
@ale – I’m curious about Pet Guy date as well :).I’m all excited – the AG has been on the east coast leading a tech/academic summit in this thing he created since Tuesday. He was supposed to go directly to Canada for a tech conference that starts on Monday. Instead he’s coming home reallly late tonight/tomorrow morning and we’re going to hang out Friday night before he heads to Canada early Sunday. Anyone who travels cross country just to hang out with me deserves a homecooked meal at least, so I’m thinking about roasting cornish game hens and maybe making brownies for desert. Haven’t figured out the sides yet though.
I also made a run to Sephora with a friend at lunch and picked up some perfume that just smelled amazing – versace eros pour femme. Between dinner, the perfume and whatever I pull out of the lingerie drawer hopefully he thinks the extra cross continental flights were worth it 🙂
I’ve tried to update this thread twice and both times the response has disappeared after an edit for typos. Let’s see if I can manage to avoid spelling mistakes on attempt number 3!
@Copa – I’ve been married twice. The first time we were 18, in the military, and had orders to different duty stations. Being young and stupid we decided to just get married so we could be stationed together. We stayed together for 5 years before he cheated on me and I divorced him. We have two college age kids and very successfully co-parented them. I adore his new wife and consider them both family. (She also helps me pick out date night outfits!)
#2 was definitely more complicated. We dated for 2 years before we married. After the wedding I found out exactly how much he drank – and when he drank he became abusive. Long and classic abuse story short, I left for the last time when I was heavily pregnant and he put bruises on me. Our son is now 12, and his dad has been sober for 10 years. There I have sole custody and his dad sees him in a supervised manner during the summer and winter break holidays.
I spent a few years after laying my childhood to rest, cutting the toxic family out of my life and figuring out why I made the choices I did with the help of an amazing therapist. Got to the point where I was at peace with the past, content in the present, and hopeful for the future. My baggage is now a manageable carry-on size 🙂
Wasn’t until I had a major health scare and multiple surgeries that I acknowledged the fact that I was missing something. After I got well physically I started dating again. By this point it had been well over a decade since I was involved with someone so it’s been a weird and scary transition.
I’ve been really upfront about my severe aversion to marriage at this point – when the AG and I had the “what are you looking for” convo before we met I told him I was allergic to marriage but was looking for a long term commitment…that I wanted to be the choice someone made every day not because they have to but because they wanted to.
@Copa – I love the note on the neighbor’s door. Apparently he’s annoying everyone!
..and apparently the epically long reply I wrote to the “are you divorced” q got lost someplace. I’ll have to rewrite it when I have time.
Living with someone again scares me too. Some days living with the kids is hard enough and I’d sell a full year of my life for a single evening to do only what I want to do. And my kids are really well behaved!
After everything that’s happened in life, home is sanctuary. It’s where I go to recharge and just..be. (yes I’m a giant introvert) Opening that up, even to someone who could enhance my life immeasurably is scary. Good thing I’m nowhere close to that!
@Ale that sounds like a great date. I’ve never been good at keeping it unemotional either, but maybe just have another date with him and low key hang out? He might be in the same place, where he’s glad to have someone willing to keep things light for a while.
@Vathena – he’s apparently only been in her house ONCE. After he broke it off with her because of it. Again, SO DAMN WEIRD.
It’s been like 3 months and I have yet to spend the night with the AG. We started talking about it though because as I mentioned we both fell asleep the other day and I left in a slight panic. We are going to see Star wars at the hollywood bowl tomorrow, which I am incredibly excited about – star wars +orchestra +picnic!
AG lives like an actual adult, owns a house with a kitchen I actively lust for, nice furniture and art on the walls. Actually has a small collection of geek things so gets mine. He has yet to see my place though I did do a video walk through for him – I have kids at home after all and 3 months is nowhere NEAR ready for that. Maybe over thanksgiving when is Dad’s turn to have them? I dont know.
re: the best friend’s GF. I (well, honestly, barely) tolerate her. She treats him as a wallet attached to a man. Very rarely does what he needs and wants come into consideration at all. I HATE that for him, but after I said my piece initially, I’ve just backed off into polite tolerance. It’s a mistake he has to make apparently.
ETA- he STILL hasnt seen her bedroom. It’s been almost a year and a half.
@Copa – agreed – wanna know about the date and how his apartment looked and his cooking!
My best friend wasn’t let into his GF’s apartment till they’d been dating for more than a year. He actually ended up breaking up with her over this before she relented. He still hasn’t seen her bedroom or the bathroom. I’m convinced the woman is hiding a husband, a creepy doll collection, or some bodies up in there cause that is WEIRD.
The AG and I had out first long-ish date/day together on Sunday. He’s selling his house, beginning the packing process and looking for a new place. I offered to help and ended up having lunch together, going to like 6 open houses, then having dinner, drinks and watching the 20th anniversary of the Big Lebowski. It was a really good day – I always love the possibilities of open house, and he made it fun.
He made a silly joke about wondering if I was going to sparkle in the sunshine like some bad vampire movie and I realized up till now we’ve pretty much only hung out at night. Still spending that much time together was eye opening in a good way.
re: beds..I have a king sized bed. My youngest son would climb into bed with me when he had nightmares or a migraine (he’s prone to migraines) and I’d wake up black and blue because he used to kick and flail around like crazy. The bed I slept in last night was a queen, which should have felt weirdly small with another human in it but didn’t.
On the topic of money…the AG and I haven’t discussed it since we’re so new (only a few months into this) but I already know he has a whole lot more than I do. I work in IT and make decent money, enough to solely support myself and the 3 kids comfortably. He was one of 3 founders for a startup that sold to a big tech company. I actually remember the sale because the tech they built is pretty damn cool, and I remember what the startup sold for. I just didn’t know he was part of it till recently when he mentioned the startup name. I don’t know what portion of it was his of course, but…yea. A whole lot more than I’ll ever make.
I don’t have any crazy shopping type debt, just medical related stuff I’m still paying for (both me and my youngest son had to have major surgery within the same month) This may have actually contributed to the minor freakout. I’ve always either made at least equal, if not more money than anyone I was seeing. Happily we seem to have very similar approaches to money, with a few exceptions that probably have to do with disposable income. I’m slightly weirded out by the difference in income though – I like a level playing field, and I don’t ever want him to think that’s what I’m interested in.
So my AG came home, we had our netflix/hulu and takeout date tonight and it was wonderful to see him again. Kinda weird though – we both fell asleep cuddled in his bed after sex, then woke up and repeated the cycle. I typically can’t relax enough to sleep with anyone ever so it was a big surprise for me to wake up a few hours later and go “oh wow, I actually slept…TWICE!” I went home after I woke up the 2nd time because I’m not quite ready to do the scheduled sleepover thing, much less a spontaneous one. I have a huge meeting tomorrow (today?) too so I need to be able to get to all my stuff and be ready.
Yes, I’m doing the overthinking What It All Means right now. It’s been close to 15 years since I slept easily in a bed with someone I hadn’t given birth to.
@Copa – Before I met the guy I’m seeing now, I sort of dated another one (never got serious or even got to the “I really wanna see him naked” type stage) who I mentioned here before. Dude called me up drunk Thursday night, then was still drunk when calling me Friday morning at work. By noon I’d told him to never contact me again… which he promptly ignored for a couple of weeks until the blessed silence of the block button was employed. I actually saw him in the grocery store the other day and was poofing behind stacks of bananas in the produce department in order to stay out of his line of sight like a bad grocery store ninja. Needless to say, I went elsewhere for my grocery shopping that day.
In happier news my AG just got confirmation he’s coming home on Thurs…and asked to see me that same day. I suggested a low key hulu/netflix and takeout date at his house because he needs to decompress. I’m excited to see him again!
