CeeSea
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I’m definitely not from a “guess household” and I agree with @Northernstar. I’m from an “ask when appropriate household.”
I have 3 sisters and believe me, we ask each other to borrow or have things all the time. My oldest sister is a giver beyond belief and will buy me things I never even knew I wanted. But when you are around generous people, you have to be cognizant that they can often feel uncomfortable saying no and also that just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
This is not to the LW or you in particular but if there was a 1% chance that I was taking advantage of someone’s generosity I would not ask.
Sorry, I did not see anywhere you had stated you were offering to buy the ring in the initial post – my mistake.
If you feel like you can offer her a fair price go ahead and ask I guess.
What would you do if you she refused your money? Would you still object to having anything handed directly to you?
If the ring is just a thing then why must LW ask for THIS one? I don’t understand why her and fiance can’t save and eventually afford their own ring to make into an heirloom for future generations of their family.
I would be saying the same thing if she was asking for a car by the way. The only difference would be an added suggestion that she make an offer for a fair price rather than ask for it outright. Since LW can’t seem to afford her own ring right now, and there is the added difficulty of putting a price on something of sentimental value, I did not make that suggestion in the case of this diamond.
My mother and her siblings just divided all of my grandmother’s personal effects last year. It took them 5 years after she was gone to get this done and only afterwards did my mother pass along some of the items she inherited to my siblings and I – we didn’t ask for anything. She invited us all over, sat us down and we discussed what we each wanted. That is how heirlooms are passed down, willingly and most often after one is deceased.
I understand that your mother may have off-handedly commented that all of her jewelry would go to you once she is gone, however, until she is actually gone and the will has been read she has every right to change her mind. What you would like to do is circumvent her rights and ownership and call it a “new family tradition.”
It seems as though you and your bf don’t have or don’t want to spend the money to buy a diamond but you really want one. Rather than saving to buy an antique ring at an estate sale you have decided to pre-inherit your mother’s ring.
I would never dream of asking my mother this even if I was an only child. She would either say yes out of guilt or say no and feel guilty for refusing me. It’s just not a fair ask. Don’t do it. Don’t hint at your need for a diamond either. Just because someone isn’t using something at the moment doesn’t mean you are entitled to it. Would you ask your parents for their savings? After all, they aren’t using it now and you’ll probably stand to inherit the money once they die…
Look, maybe the reason you have to ask strangers how to ask your own mother for something is because there is no good way to do it and it shouldn’t be done at all.
