Copa
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@JD Hahaha, yeah, she did say she recognized me from photos. I’ve really never been one to take a ton of couples pics, but he always suggests it. Which I think is cute! My parents literally never ask me if I’m seeing anyone, let alone to see pics. (I’m not sure how normal it is that my family shows no interest in who I’m seeing, but at least I’ve never felt bad about it when I go home for the holidays!) You can tell his mom still takes an interest in his life in a way I think is really nice (he’s 37 and she knows all his “core” friends by name, asked about them at dinner). He’s the youngest of his siblings and the only unmarried one, so I think they’re excited he met someone with potential. Honestly, though, as much as I’ve been hoping and trying these past couple years to meet a nice, honest guy who is ready for a meaningful relationship, it freaks me out a bit that it might actually be happening.
OMG. Shouldn’t doctors be trained to not say stuff like that? I think at like 35+ women are considered geriatric when it comes to pregnancy, and if it’s just calling it by its medical term or being direct about medical/biological realities of your childbearing years, fine — but some of these remarks sound like they’re made fairly insensitively. Yikes.
Met BG’s mom and stepdad a couple nights ago over dinner. His mom was very nice! “Suburban” is the only way I know how to describe her. Stepdad was nice, too, a quiet man. BG picked a restaurant near my office (when he’s not traveling, he works remote) and I arrived about 10 minutes early. His mom and stepdad were already there, and his mom recognized me when I walked in, so I spent the first 10 minutes with just them, sitting between them at the bar. Heh. She reported back to BG that night that she thinks I’m “a peach.” And indeed, I am.
@ktfran Are either of these couples glad they had kids even though they didn’t want them? A former supervisor of mine was like that. Adamant about not wanting kids. He and his wife got married at about 40, and a couple years later had a surprised baby on the way. Turns out, he LOVES being a dad. They had another kid not longer after.
How did Thanksgiving go, @veritek?
@JD, How much snow did you get where you are? It wasn’t that bad in the city, IMO, just very very cold! I thought my commute yesterday would be terrible so I left early, but all was well. A couple of my coworkers slogged in pretty late, though, which is fine, but I was happily surprised that there weren’t any delays for me!I’m meeting BG’s mom and stepdad tomorrow. The next couple weeks at work are kinda crazy leading up to a big conference we had so I’m working late tonight so I won’t be stressed when I bolt right at 5 tomorrow. I’m so nervous! As much as I don’t care what, say, my family thinks of the guy I’m dating, I really want his mom to like me.
@veritek33 That’s super exciting! If he’s interviewing now and gets an offer, sounds like he could be moving as early as the next couple months! Wow!
I keep telling my therapist about how weird it is to date someone who doesn’t give me anxiety, and how this one just feels so different because he’s a genuinely good, nice guy who is consistent and reliable. And we’ve talked about how the brain can process anxiety as excitement, which can lead to people keep going back for relationships that aren’t good for them. I think even the last guy I dated seriously, which was a handful of years ago at this point, gave me a ton of anxiety. Because he was divorcing and I knew it was consuming his emotions moreso than our relationship, and even apart from that I think I always kinda knew we weren’t a great forever fit, but I blindly adored him anyway. My therapist let me borrow two books that she thinks I’ll find interesting and helpful. One is Attached, which is about how the attachment styles we develop as kids affect our relationships as adults, and I’m excited to read it.
I’ve had two serious long-term boyfriends. Both had nice, loving families. I’ve had nothing but positive experiences meeting the parents/families for the first time. My last serious boyfriend, his family was HUGE (his mom passed away like six months before I met him, but she had nine siblings) and I met a TON of family — his dad, aunts, uncles, siblings, a grandma, cousins — all at once at his dad’s birthday dinner. I was so overwhelmed and I think it showed, but I did my best (I’m shy but friendly, but in situations like that I have to actively force myself to be outgoing). I don’t think a first meeting could ever overwhelm me more than that one did, but I’m still nervous. From what I can tell, BG’s family seems very nice. His parents divorced when he was in high school but both are happily remarried now. His parents actually sound like they handled things very amicably and are still friendly.
@Ale No harm in continuing to get to know him. We’ve had at least one success story on this thread from a similar situation (@MissD).
@Cleopatra_30 Growing up one of my best friends hated showering! One summer after my family had moved away, I visited and spent a couple weeks with her. We were maybe 12-13? And her mom had to nag her to shower. And she’d lie about it. So weird! (She grew out of it.)
Things with BG are still going really well! I had some of my oldest friends in town for five days a little over a week ago, who I’ve known since I lived overseas as a tween/teen. BG had a work trip followed immediately by a quick weekend trip, but he was able to meet them one of the nights he was in town and I’m really glad he did. I only see these friends maybe once a year at this point, sometimes less. We had a really nice night in on Friday (so much wine!) and it was the first sleepover where we could actually enjoy a lazy morning together. We made breakfast and ate it in his little sun room that faces his backyard and geeked out to podcasts and watched the snow fall. It was pretty snow for once! He invited me to his mom’s holiday party in a few weekends, but I guess she’s excited to meet me and suggested she and his stepdad come into the city for drinks or dinner the week after thanksgiving. I am a little nervous — it’s been like five years since I’ve met anyone’s parents.
@ktfran I went to dinner with my sister + cousins a couple weeks ago, and they were telling me to bring him. I thought about it but decided against it because I was starting to feel a little self conscious that I kept bringing him around new people. So yeah, I can relate to feeling bothered by it. But then I think, he’s in his late 30s and it sounds like in the past couple years, his friends have slowly but surely moved to the ‘burbs as they marry or start families. He’s originally from this area and I’m confident his local network is way bigger than mine is — it just happens my friends are almost exclusively other city dwellers.
So I met BG’s college roommate, his wife, and their two kids yesterday and loooooved then. I may have mentioned on here that I feel like BG has been pretty constantly meeting my friends, while I’ve only met few of his pretty early on at an event, so I was excited and nervous for yesterday. I am so happy I liked them. His college roommate’s wife sent him a text absolutely gushing about me, which felt really good. I don’t think meeting the friends has to be a big deal but do do feel like it’s a positive sign to genuinely like an SO’s friends.
Also, for me to relax, it really depends on the stressor. For most anxieties, I turn to exercise. When work is stressful, I find myself drinking more (like 1-2 glasses of wine at night after work). If I’m generally feeling stretched thin, I pull a @ktfran and do a “me” day or weekend.
