Copa
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@Dre – Try not to overthink it and have fun! If he wants you to meet his friends and colleagues, that’s a GOOD thing — and very normal in a relationship! Is this going to be the most time you’ve spent together consecutively? You’re almost guaranteed to have fun because it’s a vacation. I have a friend who is married and miserable. She and her husband have been separated for over a year (married for a little over three). She keeps deciding to “try to make things work” because they have fun together when they vacation together every now and then. And I wanna shake her and be like, “OF COURSE YOU’RE HAVING FUN! IT’S A VACATION! EVERYONE HAS FUN ON THE COAST OF FRANCE” It’ll obviously be good to spend the time together, but I guess I’m opposed to the idea that six days will truly test anything. Before you seriously consider moving, you’d hopefully have a whole lot more than a few stray vacations on which to base your compatibility. I’m sure there are people on here who can chime in with advice on how to make sure you’re compatible when you’re dating long distance and don’t want to be an LW :), but I have no advice on that! For now, though, I think you should just relax and have fun without thinking about where the relationship MIGHT head. Meet his friends and colleagues, wear a great outfit to the wedding, eat some great food, and enjoy the vacation!
Wow! Veritek – how annoying! I personally wouldn’t give that guy another chance, especially since it sounds like this is his reputation, and these weren’t just isolated incidents of bad lucky/bad timing/inability to get out of whatever he was doing at the time he thought.
Not much new on my end with dating. Still texting the guy I went on a first date with recently. He was out of town for vacation, back in town for 22 hours while I was out of town for my new job, and now I’m back and he’s traveling for work. (Another work traveler!) So, we’ll see. We check in briefly every few days and I’m at least glad I haven’t been ghosted yet. Ha. Potentially going on a first date this weekend, but it’s still tentative.
I started my new job, and I’m wondering just how much my last job messed me up. I’ve only been there a couple days so I still don’t own anything yet, but it’s weird that I no longer have to rush through the work I’m doing. My new supervisor is so, so nice. He keeps telling me that it’s okay to just ease into things. He told me it’s not a sink or swim environment, that he and the other staff want to help me succeed and grow. My former supervisor left work on my last day without saying goodbye to me. I know our relationship wasn’t great — and to be honest I didn’t really want to acknowledge him on my way out, either — but I was planning to be professional and courteous and thank him for the opportunity because I wanted to leave on a high note. Nope!
@Ale – That’s hard. This isn’t quite the same, but I moved back home for a couple years after grad school and my mom was relying on me for things you’d normally rely on a partner for, from emotional support to money. I felt like the biggest jerk in the world when I moved back out, but had to for my own sanity and because I want my own life. Your boyfriend’s situation sounds way more intense, so I can understand why he’d feel that he’s abandoning her. (Though it’s unclear if he still lives with her?)
“The fiance and I decided that when each of them graduate high school, we’re going to take them on a trip to nearly anywhere of their choosing.”
…can I be your niece!? 😛 That’s amazing, though.
@veritek – I don’t have insomnia, but I do sleep very poorly many nights — so any night where I get 7-8 uninterrupted hours of sleep is amazing. So I hear ya!
So, this may vary from person to person, and I’d be curious to hear what others have to say, but my parents have/had a terrible marriage. They’ve talked about divorced. They’ve ANNOUNCED their divorce. The paperwork is the only proof of their “marriage” at this point. I do not understand people who say they fear marriage because of their parents’ divorce. Despite what I’ve witnessed, been subjected to, and felt about their marriage, I still want my own. I’ve never dated anyone who says they’re fearful of marriage because of their parents’ divorce — so I suppose I don’t know how I’d feel or react — but because of how I feel, if a guy told me that, I think I’d be inclined to think they just don’t want to marry ME.
@K – I think your boyfriend could still go to therapy and find it beneficial.
@veritek – Okay, I kinda love that you guys are a missed connection about to connect! Even if you meet up and only have friend potential, it’s a funny story! 🙂 Let us know how it goes!
Yay @missdre! That sounds awesome! Unrelated, and I don’t know that they’d fly to Europe, but I fly Porter when I visit my friend in Toronto and I’ve never loved an airline so much. Free wine! Free cookies!
@Hfantods YAY! That’s good! I hope you guys have a great time on your second date!I’ve been texting just a tiny bit with the guy I’ve been out with while he’s on vacation but other than that nothing interesting going on my way as far as dating goes.
My last day at my sorta-toxic job is tomorrow and I’m so exhausted — I’ve been working a lot the past few weeks to try to wrap up as much as I can, because I truly like and care about most of my coworkers and want the transition to go well for them. But I’m so incredibly relieved and excited to be done here. I went to happy hour with some co-workers last night and learned what I suspected: Almost everyone is trying to get out of this place ASAP. I wrote an honest and balanced Glassdoor review of my company, it was approved by Glassdoor and posted online, and within a few days mysteriously disappeared — I strongly suspect HR (or a higher up) saw it and flagged it as inappropriate, and had it taken down. (There are some very fake reviews of my company on the site, and looks like someone also patrols for less-than-flattering reviews and flags them for removal. Wow.)
The men I go on 2+ dates with usually beat me to the punch when it comes to sending the first text. The last guy I met was last Thursday, and as our date was wrapping up he told me he wants to see me again when he’s back from vacation. I really like when a guy is confident enough to say it in person. On Friday I was going to text him after I got home from work — and my life has been so busy that I was genuinely worried I’d somehow forget (I’m a good example of that rare someone who really, really DID like you, but truly sucks with the follow-up and texting and all that) — and when I finally got home at maybe 9, I got my phone out to send him a message, and was happy to see he’d texted first. It made me feel like I won our first date. (Kidding.)
I think I’ve also gotten better at reading if my date actually is having a good time with me and attracted to me vs. just getting through an okay evening with someone. Which I think has helped me manage my post-date expectations. In the past year, I’ve been surprised by how quickly things have gone from seeming good to falling to pieces — but I’ve never once been surprised by who I went out on more than one date with.
Not saying this is anyone here, but one of my friends was so terrified of being rejected that after every first date she went on, she would call me in a panic when she didn’t hear back from the guy immediately. I’d remind her it’s okay to text first, and her response was always, “I don’t want to be rejected!” I don’t want that to be anyone on this site, because good grief, it’s just a text saying you had a nice time (if indeed you had a nice time). You should be able to gauge pretty early on by a guy’s actions if his interest is sincere, so I never hesitate with the first post-date text.
Also, my therapist has reminded me before that men have anxiety about dating, too. So even if you’re not comfortable texting to ask about a second (or third) date, I do think a “great meeting you” text is a good way to open the door.
Eh, I think it’s fine to text first. You can’t really tell if the effort is all one-sided until a couple dates have come and gone, so why not make it known that you had a nice time?
@freckles I think it’s really interesting that you always saw yourself with kids despite not liking them. I’ve left many people aghast when I admit I don’t enjoy spending time with children, but that feeling is why I’ve always thought procreation is something I should pass on. When I have had fleeting moments of thinking about my life if I somehow had kids, I always qualify the thought with, “But I’m sure I’d like MY OWN kids.” I’m not sure if that’s always true, though. So to hear that someone could still picture their life with kids despite generally feeling the same way I do is pretty interesting.
Also, nobody’s really mentioned this, but I also struggle with the idea of bringing a child into a world that seems to get shittier by the day. :-/
On the opposite end of the spectrum, my former supervisor at my last company started dating his now-wife when they were probably 37, married at 40. Kids weren’t a part of their plan. I can’t speak for his wife, but I know my supervisor didn’t want kids or long for them. They had a daughter a couple years ago, and another one last year. They’re now both probably 44-45. He thought his mind was made up, but life had other plans — and he is a GREAT dad and actually really loves fatherhood. People do change their minds sometimes, but I do think no matter what you do, there’s always the choice to make your life one you love even if the circumstance aren’t QUITE what you imagined for yourself.
