Copa
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
I also think communication skills can be worked on if both people are willing, but recently watching a friend go through a separation (one of their biggest issues is communication and divorce seems likely for them at this point) makes me think you can only work on it to a point. Like that eventually you reach a point where you each are who you are and even despite effort may never be able to communicate in a way where the relationship is workable. I feel exhausted just listening to what’s going on with them because they spend 80% of their relationship trying to fix something that just doesn’t seem to work between them. But maybe that’s not you guys, I can’t say. That said, it sounds like he’s just sweeping things under the rug with promises to do better next time (and likely not doing better next time), which isn’t great.
I got next to nothing done at work today. Unless you count not crying. Which I am actually filing away as an accomplishment. Sigh. I wish we could’ve hung out and consoled one another today, Dre!
I feel down on dating right now, which I’m sure I’ll get over in the next week or so once this rejection feels less fresh. I haven’t been in a serious relationship in a couple years and I miss it, feel ready for one. The past two years has amounted to a lot of first dates but only a few several-month relationships (one guy ghosted me, one I decided I didn’t feel the way I thought I should after several months and ended it and felt surprisingly sad about that, and now this one). They were all fun beginnings full of hope but I miss the companionship of being in a LTR. Most of my friends (local and long-distance) are seriously coupled and taking all those next steps that I wish I could be taking with someone. I know a lot of what I’m feeling as I type this is just the sting and shock of unexpected rejection, but I feel down, lonely, and frustrated that finding a partner isn’t entirely within my control.
@MissDre – No explanation OR apology? Good riddance. I wouldn’t give him the time of day.
I responded somewhat rudely to the guy who texted me. Feel bad now. Debating apologizing but probably not worth it.
I did think we were on the brink of either walking away or committing. I guess I just thought we’d go the commitment route, things were (I thought) going really well. Not doing the best at concentrating at work today (oops) and keep wondering which signs I missed or misread.
All that said, though, I’m glad I didn’t get ghosted. That was the worst dating anxiety I’ve ever felt when it happened to me, and it wasn’t even with a guy I’d been on a date or two with. Ugh.
I got the text message when I was getting ready for work this morning and was trying not to cry as I put my mascara on. So pitiful.
On the bright side, I just moved into a new apartment this weekend (which Guy I Was Dating enthusiastically offered to help me move into just days ago) and I’m excited about that. I was in my last place for less than two years and didn’t love it. (The layout was odd and it was an inefficient use of space with lots of dead space that I could never figure out what to do with.) The new place is old but charming and I’m so excited to make it my own in the upcoming weeks, I feel like it has a lot of potential. It’s also pet friendly so I think I’m going to foster a dog soon. Good distractions from The Sads coming my way!
From what little I know of him/the situation, I’d be inclined to believe the Middle East thing is real, @MissDre — though mostly because I think it’d be fairly bonkers to make up an international trip/job offer to ghost someone who already lives a distance away from you. How he handled everything else was shitty.
The one guy to totally ghost me after a few months of dating was a little less than two years ago, not long after I moved here. We live in the same neighborhood and I run into him from time to time. The first time we ran into each other, it’d been a few months and I was over it, would have said hello and continued with my day, but he pretended he didn’t see me. We don’t have run-ins often, but because he chooses not to acknowledge my existence, it’s uncomfortable when we do. And every time, I think to myself, “THIS. This is why you break up with someone, even if it’s just through text, ESPECIALLY when you live just blocks from one another.”
ALSO – even though I just said I don’t want to focus on why (heh), my first thought was that there is an ex in the picture (based on a conversation we had awhile ago). Which I want nothing to do with. But really trying not to focus on what went wrong or what I was lacking or whatever.
Eh, I’d rather not focus on why/what happened because I’ll drive myself nuts wonder what’s wrong with me. As a general rule, though, I don’t think the reason someone doesn’t want to date me matters. It only matters to me that they don’t want to be with me.
He’s a Republican and I was actually wondering about whether we’d be compatible longer term myself — I’m not quite sure our values were enough in alignment for a future but it seemed premature to call it off myself. Pretty sure he was horrified by my pro-choice stance, though. Ha.
@MissDre – I’m sorry! I know I was in the “I’m not sure if this is weird” camp, BUT I think it’s horribly rude to not respond to someone who is clearly reaching out (which you did). Even if he DID reach out to you at this point, would you even want to give him the time of day? I know a lot of people seem to do it, but I have NO PATIENCE for people who think slipping away quietly is the kinder thing to do, ESPECIALLY if there have been more than, I dunno, 2 dates. You’re better off without him!
So in the course of less than 24 hours, the guy I’ve been dating went from making plans a couple months away to sending me a “I don’t think we should continue dating” text at 6:15 this morning. Because Monday mornings don’t suck enough, right!? We’ve only been dating like 2.5 months but the past month we’ve been seeing one another really regularly, so I’m sad because I think I’ll feel the loss/change in my routine even if it was still new. Feeling a bit disheartened and wondering if there are obvious signs I missed (I was cautiously optimistic, but this felt REALLY abrupt for me). I guess if nothing else I’m glad to know he doesn’t see us together long term sooner rather than later. Onto the next, I guess! Bah.
Good move, @MissDre! I think what sucks is that regardless of whether his behavior is unusual or not, the only thing you can really do is wait to see if he contacts you and how he explains himself. The waiting game makes me incredibly anxious — I’ve been ghosted once after a few months of dating someone and decided to give him a week to get in touch before I concluded it was indeed ghosting. That week made me so anxious and sad. So, I’m sorry you’re now just waiting to see how things shake out. BUT, I do think reaching out calmly and politely was a good move because then it’s like you did all you could and can walk away at least knowing that, should it come to that.
Yeah, I just don’t know that I find it weird if someone who is in contact daily temporarily ceases contact when he’s abroad for an interview. It IS a change in behavior, but there’s also been a change in normal routine on his end, which is why I don’t find it THAT weird. It’d be way weirder to put this much effort into ghosting someone, if that’s what he’s doing.
ALSO – I just saw what you said about how you’ve both discussed what you’re looking for and how you feel misled about this. Isn’t it possible that this opportunity came out of nowhere? When I moved to my current city, I applied for a job I didn’t think I’d hear back from. In the span of about three weeks, I interviewed a couple times, quit my job, and moved to a new state/city. I wasn’t dating anyone at the time, but if I had been and they’d asked me what I was looking for at the time, I would’ve told them I was looking for a life partner. I still would’ve applied for the job I moved for notwithstanding and don’t feel I would’ve misled anyone if I’d said I wanted a life partner and a job I thought was a long-shot ended up working out in my favor. It just would’ve been shitty timing.
