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Yeah, it’s bizarre. I haven’t heard the full story yet, but I’m like, if he was going to lie about his marital status, why did there have to be a dead ex-wife at all? I guess a few people have told her to let the lie go. But… just no.
So BG’s mom cannot make it! She’s in Florida and seemed both genuinely glad I asked and sad she couldn’t come. So I’m glad I worked up the nerve to ask even though it made me nervous.
As an aside, one of my friends just found out that the guy she has been dating for the past 4-5 months is secretly married! He’d told her his ex-wife died years ago. Not sure how she found out, but his “ex-wife” is alive and well and lives locally, and they are in the middle of a divorce. I met him about two months ago and he seemed nice enough, so I’m pretty shocked to hear he’s shady. I guess some of the people closest to her are telling her to move past the lies, but I couldn’t get past made up dead ex spouses. Good grief.
So on a tangent. I just won the Hamilton lottery in my city and BG is out of town doing some training for his new job, which is a huge bummer to me since it’d be such a fun date night. His mom and stepdad were generous enough to cover my airfare to spend Thanksgiving with them, and now I’m thinking it’d be a good opportunity to invite his mom to see the show with me, if she’s interested, as a thank you. I like her as much as I know her at this point, but have never spent time on her one-on-one, so I’m feeling a little unsure of myself at the moment!
@MissMJ The friend whose marriage I felt most strongly would end in divorce hung on for FIVE miserable years of marriage before it finally ended about a year and a half ago. I started hearing about how unhappy she was a month into their marriage. Their wedding was very beautiful, but I’m curious if anyone else in attendance was also thinking it was going to end disastrously.
One of my friends and her boyfriend broke up this week, and I’m sad about it. It’s like if Britney and Justin split all over again! Heh. They didn’t date THAT long, but I thought he was it for her.
Omg. I’ve attended weddings for couples that I was pretty sure would end up divorced, but I’ve kept my mouth shut. I’m pretty surprised her parents are vocal about it. Wow. Yikes.
Good grief. Who needs TWO receptions?
YAY @TheLadyE! I’m so glad you worked up the nerve to say it — and that he feels it and said it back is also awesome. It’s nice to feel it and it’s nice to hear it. 🙂
@Veritek How have things been with your future SIL?
@TheLadyE Agreed that he sounds really thoughtful. I personally LOVE when a partner notices the things you like and acts accordingly. Maybe he hasn’t said the words yet, but it seems like he’s showing you through actions at this point. My boyfriend does smaller stuff like that pretty often, so sometimes when he says he loves me, before saying it back, I say, “I know.” Because he shows me, and I love that.
One morning in maybe September, I was telling him how excited I was for fall, and asked, “Do you know what I can’t wait to have in cold weather?” I wasn’t actually looking for an answer, but he responded, “Yeah. Soup.” And he was right, I was thinking about how excited I was for soup. (Haha.) I asked how he knew, and he answered, “Because I know you.” And he does, and it’s so nice to have that in my life.
That’s great, @K! I’m glad you had an awesome wedding.
My boyfriend first told me he loved me about 5 months in, which would’ve been about a month or so after we discussed exclusivity. He was drunk the first time and it was via text. I didn’t say it back for a bit. He said it again down the road, I can no longer remember when, and told me I didn’t need to respond or say it back if I wasn’t ready. I didn’t say it back that time, either. If you go back in this thread, I mentioned a couple times feeling it but not feeling ready to SAY it. I think I said it back maybe 7-8 months in? In all honestly I probably mentioned when I finally said it back in this thread, so I could probably find out… but I don’t feel compelled to do so.
I told one ex around the 9 month mark and another one around the 2-3 month mark, we’d been friends for a awhile first, I don’t think I would’ve gotten there as quickly otherwise. So, it’s varied for me. If it matters, I don’t come from an “I love you” kinda family.
If you’ve felt it for awhile, just say it!
Congrats, @K! That was a short engagement, right? Tell us more about the wedding. What was your favorite part? 🙂 (I complain about weddings because the volume feels overwhelming, but happen to love them and hearing about them, haha. I cry at every single one.)
That’s great, @hfantods! I’m curious what our new normal will look like, too. He finishes his current job tomorrow, then has a week off, which we’re calling The Week of BG. Haha. We were initially planning to celebrate his last day/new gig this weekend, but I just got back from vacation where I caught some kind of flu or stomach bug on the last day, so I think we’ll have to postpone.
Also, unrelated to his career transition, but I adore his family. My immediate family, everyone is very nice but we’re very fractured as a family unit, and my extended family is all far away. I spent most of my 20s learning how to operate as independently as possibly in every sense. I really love that his family has welcomed me so warmly and have enjoyed spending time with them. I’m still so in awe that families can hang out and enjoy one another’s company without awkward tension or fighting (I know this probably sounds odd to people, but that’s what I’m used to with my own!).
@CurlyCue I think it’s impossible to end up in a situation where you’ve weeded out all the duds prior to meeting simply by asking the “right” questions. The man you mentioned with the five kids may have been waiting to tell his dates hoping that if the connection felt strong enough IRL, it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker like it might be at the swiping stage. You can put your major dealbreakers in your profile, though it’d be up to potential dates to read that and opt out if they don’t disclose said dealbreaker in their own profile. Otherwise, keep first date activities short. That way if you do end up on a date with someone who isn’t the right match off the bat, you’re only spending an hour or so on drinks or coffee.
