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@Ale Never!? I actually feel wedding burnout at this point and compared to some people I know I don’t go to that many. My friends are pretty scattered, though, which means attending tends to involve travel. Of the five I have this calendar year, only one is local-ish (about 45 minutes away). One I cannot attend due to a work conflict. The fifth and final one is this fall and I think I’m going to sit it out. I love weddings and seeing that piece of friends’ lives come together, but it’s been a lot of time, money, and travel on my part over the years and I’m starting to feel a little resentful. Which is totally on me and mine to manage! But I think that’s my cue to start sending my regrets.
Yeah, and I mean, I’ve never actually been in the reverse situation, but my immediate reaction would be to double check dates and costs, operating under the assumption that I’d be paying my own way. I think I’d feel a bit odd allowing someone else to pay my entire way.
Sooo… I dunno. I agree that it’s situational, but when I’ve traveled to weddings, if I’ve gone solo, I’ve kept my own costs down by sharing a hotel room and rental car with a friend or two. So I guess I don’t necessarily agree with the logic that it’s not an extra expense.
I’ve always taken the approach of inviting boyfriends to destination weddings with zero pressure on the situation, and have never offered to pay. I’m fine traveling and going to weddings alone. My friends and family have gotten married in very fun places, and since I’m someone who would only invite a boyfriend as a +1, it’s always been with the intention of turning it into a long weekend getaway of sorts.
With an ex of mine, I had a wedding in Napa when we were together and invited him, but he ultimately declined. I would’ve expected him to at least pay his own airfare, because that alone would’ve been another $400-500 or so for me. That’s a lot of money! I didn’t have that kind of extra cash at the time and wouldn’t have been able to pay his way (I easily paid $1K for myself even splitting the rental car and hotel four ways).
BG and I are going to a wedding next month at a resort area next month and the hotel room even with the group discount is pretty expensive. I made the reservations for us and covered the cost. He already told me he’d pay some of the hotel costs, which I appreciated, and I told him we could settle up if needed later since he’ll be driving us there. I would’ve been a-okay if he couldn’t come, but if that had been the case, I would’ve found a way to keep my own costs down.
@Ale I’m also glad it turned out well! The insecurity and early relationship talks weren’t great, but yeah, nerves sometimes get the better of us. As an aside, the immediate relationship talks remind me of how I navigated relationships when I was younger. Like my first LTR, I met the guy when I was like 20 and we didn’t have a casual dating period; we met in school and were friends for a year or so, then became an item. Anyway, you’ll have to let us know how things progress.
He sounds inexperienced in dating to me. IDK. You say you’ve known him for awhile, so hopefully you can judge whether he’s socially inept vs. nervous/awkward from inexperience. I’d be more forgiving of the latter.
My first serious boyfriend was insecure and that was definitely a recurring issue for us, so I can understand why it’s off-putting.
Ultimately your call. If you’re unsure, a second date is still low investment. If you have a bad gut feeling, walking away now is fine, too.
Yeah, I can see why that would be a turn off. It sounds like you do find him attractive and otherwise had a good time with him, so I’d go out with him again. Maybe take sex off the table for now. I’d also address whatever he’s said about wanting a relationship to shut down any premature talks of exclusivity (this would prob scare me off sooner than body image issues).
@ale You’re not hijacking! I’d want him to slow his roll with the relationship talk, but if his looks are the only thing stopping you, I’d go out with him again. I can name plenty of guys whose looks didn’t exactly impress me at first, but to whom I found myself very attracted when I got to know them better. And since you’ve already hooked up, it sounds like you know there is sexual chemistry, right? Looks aren’t everything, and if you’re looking for a long-term partner, well, age is coming for all of us eventually…
I think it’s a bit odd when people bring dates that aren’t real dates to weddings. Like a high school friend of mine lined up a date — a male friend — to go to a mutual high school friend’s wedding. He canceled fairly last minute, like a week out. So she invited me. I don’t keep in touch with the bride and wasn’t invited on my own, so I thought it was weird to ask me. And weird to ask a friend (both her original date and me) to go with her. Who are these people who can’t make it on their own for one evening and absolutely NEED a date, even if it’s a fake date?
I’ve never brought a date to a wedding just to have a date when I was single. I’ve never had an issue attending things like that alone, though, and have been to plenty of weddings solo. I think it’s fine she’s bringing a date to the wedding even though she’s in it. As for the rehearsal dinner, I’ve never been to one — so while I wouldn’t bring a random date just to have a date, I’m also someone who doesn’t know what the norm is. If the invite made it look like dates were allowed or encouraged, I’d probably not think twice about bringing one if I were someone who prefers company. Agreed that if you offered the +1, it’s up to her!
I can’t imagine needing two quilts. I get SO hot at night! It’s worse when I sleep next to someone, and BG is a cuddly sleeper. We always wake up with him snuggled under the covers and my side is destroyed because I tried to get out from underneath.
The dress looks great, @TheHizzy! And so do your traps. 😉
As an aside, but your update made me think of this, one of my friends is getting married next month. She and her fiance have been together for something like seven years and lived together as long as I’ve known her (about two years). Saw them two weekends ago and asked if they were nervous. They said they were most nervous about their parents meeting for the first time, which happened yesterday. I was a bit blown away that their families hadn’t met yet since both live in the suburbs of our city!
I wish BG traveled a little less for work, but I don’t hate that he travels for work. I enjoy alone time and having evenings to myself when he’s out of town. I imagine if we ever move in together, I’d be excited for him to occasionally travel. I need far more time to recharge alone than he does. He’s super social and originally from this area so his group of friends is huge. I need to balance socializing with laying low. I always wonder how that stuff plays out in live-in relationships.
ETA: I have a friend who moved to our city to be with her boyfriend and she immediately moved in with him, around the six month mark. He soon after started a new job where he travels a lot. She’s a lot like me in that she still likes going out for dinner and drinks, but doesn’t tend to stay out ’til closing time, while her boyfriend still likes to stay out late and is always go-go-go. Even though I think they’re pretty similar to me and BG in terms of who likes to go out more vs. who likes to stay in more, and the work travel is similar for both our boyfriends, there’s so, so much friction between them because of it whereas I don’t feel like these things cause any issue in my relationship. Their one-year mark was around the holidays and she was looking for a new place to live online, but now they seem to be trying to compromise and work it out. And I just wonder if it’s just a matter of my friend and I differently managing our own emotional needs, or if something shifts when you move in… IDK!
