Eagle Eye
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
The most amazing thing about this thread is just how much people feel so deeply about this topic! Whether for or against – and the most interesting part about it is that there are essentially two different arguments going on, or maybe two sides of the same one?
I think that its essentially about identity and what it means to forge a new family, and I think that names are incredibly powerful tokens of both.
@painted lady, yeah, I have to agree with you, as an academic I do read a lot of actually totally radical feminists and queer theorists – like the really angry rant-y stuff, and most of the time its nutty nuts nuts, but idk, sometimes I think radicalism is kinda good, it lets you know that some really kooky ideas are out there to fix society’s real problems, and that’s kind of cool in its own way. Plus, it makes the more reasonable steps (i.e. birth control and other more mundane things) seem more mundane and so much more reasonable!
Oh, I would also like to point out that my mom never changed her name and there was never any confusion over whose children were whose and my parents have been married for nearly 30 years.
So, I guess the whole, really ‘being a real family’ thing never really meant much to be regarding names?
Also, my boyfriend doesn’t care and, while I don’t think that his dad will be thrilled when he finds out, he thinks i’m pretty great anyways, so hopefully it won’t impact our relationship too much.
I think that the heritage thing can’t really be overstated – I will not be taking my boyfriend’s last name if we marry, its just, I’m pretty Jewish (and while my name isn’t super Jewish, it fits with my heritage and my first name really nicely) and he has a super Italian last name (which he’s not a big fan of). So, I just don’t think that I would be able to do it, I feel as though it would so totally wipe out my heritage, that it just kinda bothers me a bit. Especially since we would definitely not hyphenate our names (it would be cruel and unusual punishment to our future children) and even though our children will be raised Jewish, idk, I feel like someone has to carry on the tradition? Does that make sense?
Also I’m an academic, so probably by that point I’ll hopefully has some talks and publications in my name, which I’ll need to make sure will always find their way back to me.
I’ve been a lurker since theFrisky days, and her advice is always so solid, plus, she’s done such a great job fostering a positive community, I know that there are other websites where I like the author but the commenters are always so nasty that it really turns me off.
I also really like the letters in which Wendy chastises people for not communicating enough in their relationships since it makes me feel so much better and more secure about mine! LOL
