Eve
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Ugh this would put me off as well @Stonegypse.. Sounds like he is solely focused on hooking up.
I would just make some bullshit excuse for Monday hoping he’ll get the hint. If he doesn’t, I guess you just need to tell him you aren’t interested in dating him.:/ (not sure how this works, I’ll let the more experienced people pass on their wisdom).Good to hear about people’s dates. 🙂
My date from last week invited me out again so yay! Still not 100% sure how I feel to be honest, is it really bad if there are no fireworks immediately? But he’s the first guy my intuition allowed me to go out with, so I figured this must mean something. 🙂
My only problem is that I am very tight on cash now and dates tend to end up quite expensive.. Any ideas for no cost dates? (I don’t want to invite him to my place yet)Good to hear for Stonegypsy’s awesome date, fingers crossed for the next dates!
TheLadyE, I’m glad you had a good time with no-kissing guy, I guess if you manage to entirely change the way you see him from ‘date’ to ‘friend’, you will avoid the future anticipation and disappointment and just have a great time with him. I personally also find it strange a guy who has interest in you not even kissing you after spending THAT long time with you, so I would probably start seeing him only as a good friend and enjoy your time together (and keep seeing other guys!) 🙂
My date went okay, it was my first date like that so I’m not sure what a particularly good or a bad date is meant to be. I followed your advice and wore a light purple dress and white high heels (I felt pretty awesome. 😉 ) We spoke the entire time, had quite a few drinks, he walked me back, spoke for a while in front of my block, when he arrived home he texted me to continue some conversations we were having before. He said he’d like to do this again, but I guess he might have just been polite. I made it clear I’d like to see him again too. There was no physical contact whatsoever, aside from a good bye hug (is this normal ?!)That’s it from me, nothing too interesting I’m afraid.
Good luck to everyone! 🙂I’ve never used online dating websites or apps, but I know of some long-term relationships which have originated from Tinder. I’ve been told you need to be persistent and not give up, because many of the men will be rubbish (setting you up etc), but every once in a while someone great comes along.
Sorry for sounding dumb, but why is it important what day of the week the date is? I thought the actual location/activity is what matters? And perhaps evening versus afternoon?
And yes, I am definitely listening to Kate on any topic from now on. Even when I post about my problems from an anonymous account. 😉Haha I get drunk after 3 drinks and start acting like a kid, I will spare him from seeing this for sure! Sitting at the bar is a good idea, it’s somehow more open than hiding behind a table, I will try to make this happen. 🙂
Noo I won’t be that casual definitely, no sneakers or trainers or jumpers. I am actually very short so am tempted to put some high heels on.. though my feet hurt so much that I generally reserve high heels for super formal occasions like very formal dinner or… job interviews. I could wear a summer dress and small heels but I don’t want to look like I’ve put ridiculous amounts of effort for a first date/that I am overly eager? But he tends to dress quite smart from the few times I’ve seen him so I don’t want to be under dressed compared to him.. I mean I love wearing dresses and skirts too, but jeans is more “me” like.And I won’t ramble like that on the date, don’t worry! I have (slightly) more self-control when talking than when typing. 😀
Thanks everyone for the advice, you’ve been lovely! 🙂 🙂 Everything you say makes so much sense, I like the “dressing as the best version of you” idea as well.
It will be an evening date, but we haven’t decided where yet. He asked if I would like to go for dinner or drinks and I said I would love to, then we agreed on a day of the week (which is Sunday by the way). When the day comes I will text him asking if he has any preferences, if he asks me back I would definitely go for something casual like a quiet (but nice) local bar or something of that sort. I don’t like the idea of fancy dinners at fancy restaurants for a first date. I just want to chill and have a drink and a good time. Anyone here who can give better ideas?
@ktfran I think you should be the one extending invitation next, it will show how much you’re enjoying your dates and will reassure him that you are into him. Maybe he’ll find it discouraging if he does all the invitations? I think it will make him happy if you extend an invitation. 🙂
@Kare It’s so unlucky that you saw this douche, but I don’t think the cute guy would have texted you this if he didn’t mean it. Focus on he fact that your date went well and there was no dull moment, this is such a good sign! 🙂(since when did I start giving dating advice anyway.. 😉 )
@Nookie thanks! 🙂 🙂 I needed a slap on the face and someone to tell me to chill. Realistically it is silly getting so wound up over a date. And that’s an absolutely great way to think about it – going out with a friend and later thinking about how you felt during your time together. Is that also how men perceive it though ? Hm.
And yeah jeans, trainers and a top is my style as well. I would like to make some basic level effort though, perhaps a nicer top than usual lolI need to start taking notes, so many useful things I’m learning about the world of dating here.
Annnd I also have a date. I’ve met the guy a handful of times, he seems very nice! He’s a bit younger than me but he definitely looks older than me (he acts as if he’s much older too, which I like in guys).
And that’s my first date of this type ever, I think I’ll get a heart attack. I know I will go with the aim to have a good time and be myself and blah blah blah. But it is still nerve-wracking for me. What do I wear? I don’t do ONS so don’t want to send the wrong signals, but I still want to look attractive obviously. I guess work conversations are a no-no? What do I look out for? Any common first date red flags? Any stupid mistakes women tend to make which I should avoid doing? I mean, not obvious mistakes, like talking about ex-boyfriends or rambling on for ages.. I’m not 16, I have some social awareness haha.
I’ll probably end up reading Cosmo-style article online.. can’t believe after 4 years of relationships I am reading dating tips on Google.. I feel like a teenager again.I don’t have the chance to write here consistently but just wanted to say: hope everyone here finds their “perfect” other half soon, as the shitty/disappointing/less than satisfying dates start coming to an end! You all deserve this!:)
I am sorry I can’t give that much advice here because, as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve never been on actual dates (not in this sense of the word) because both of my long-term relationships started off with quite solid friendships through mutual friends. I actually really liked it that way, it felt like a natural progression from friendship into an intimate relationship, none of the crazy mind reading stuff you seem to need to do while dating someone you don’t know at all. Why can’t relationships always start off like this ? Is it that the older we get the more people have settled into relationships already?
On a different note, a guy I’ve met up with a couple of times (on work-related matters, strictly professional) suggested we go out for lunch next week. Not entirely sure what this means but I said I’d be happy to do that. After complaining to my friends for months how all guys I meet just want to sleep around, without expressing any interest beforehand in getting to know me the slightest, this was quite refreshing to hear (and frankly, surprising).
I was looking forward to reading more exciting stories about people’s dates!
@TheLadyE – good luck and have fun with the dates, sounds quite promising! 🙂
@veritek33 hope things with the attorney work out well, I think it’s better when the physical stuff happens more slowly, because you can actually truly get to know each other well and have fun in other ways before moving to the next level. Good luck 🙂
I, on the other hand, seem to have the opposite “problem”. No awesome dates here. Everyone my age (early twenties) and circle seem to be solely interested in casual sex. Hence why I haven’t been asked on an actual “date”, only received interest from guys I’ve just met who are looking for some fun. And these are guys I do NOT meet in clubs/bars/online, by the way.. All of this is quite ironic because I’m one of the few girls around who is not into the whole casual sex/one night stand/FWB thing.
And I found that men who are principally interested in being in a relationship, are already in one (good for them, seeing happy couples makes me happy). 🙂If I ever get asked on a date I will contribute to this thread in a more meaningful (and positive) way, fingers crossed. 🙂
