FormerlyThatGirl

I am simultaneously heartbroken and enraged by this post, because I am unable to avoid taking this one a little personally.

You see, OP, I WAS your son nearly 10 years ago. I went to a prestigious private college prep school from pre k through my senior year of high school. At my parents’ encouragement, I took ALL the AP classes, played 3 sports, sang in the choir, practiced mock trial, and acted in the plays. I kicked the SAT and ACT’s butts, and was admitted to a top 10 university close to home with a scholarship even though I struggled with ADHD and was unmedicated. Everyone thought I was going to end up a notable lawyer, and my parents were so proud. I was 17.

Except I was fucking MISERABLE. I was run so ragged that once I got to my first semester, I crashed. I burned out. I didn’t have enough energy left to care anymore. I *did* graduate, but on academic probation with LITERALLY a 2.01 overall GPA. I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I took a job as a college recruiter, and moved 7 hours away from my parents. That was the best thing that I ever did.

They had so much expectation and control in my head, I had no idea how to be me. I had no idea what would make me happy, or even who I was without that list of achievements I thought I needed behind my name. My mother’s best friend’s daughter got her bachelors degree at Harvard and her law degree at Princeton. This is what they had expected for me. My parents were incredibly upset, and made that known. LOUDLY. REPETITIVELY. Why wasn’t I going to law school? What about THEIR PLAN for my life?

I’ve taken several different jobs in a variety of fields since then, moved to five different states (including Alaska and Hawaii), and desperately sought myself. It took me six years since my undergrad, but I’ve fallen in love with my career and am halfway through a graduate program in Social Work that has commended me for my work experience over my first go at college. In a few years, I will be licensed to practice therapy and open my own practice. I have married a handsome, incredibly smart man who never even got his associates. Instead, he joined the military and is now an incredible pilot. Our paths have not been traditional ones, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. We know ourselves, we love each other, we love our families. We follow our passions and are successful in our careers. We are incredibly, unquestionably happy.

OP, your disdain at your son’s decision to take time away from school and figure himself out is not only pretentious, controlling, and rude; it is incredibly insulting to those of us who have similar stories. My husband is NOT less than because he does not have a degree; I am NOT less than because my path to education did not take the traditional route.

I understand having hopes and dreams for your children. But I would hope that you care more that your son is HAPPY, rather than collecting letters behind his name to feed your ego that YOU did a good job.