Heatherly

I’ve kissed many a “frog” in my early days of learning about what I wanted in sex. They were not my physical ideal by a long shot, but it gave me experience and more importantly confidence to go after or accept the attention of those I did want. I admit I was never this naive as this LW & not all of them I totally enjoyed, but I wasn’t being assaulted. So I gave advice based on my experience and on the LW’s desire to have more sexual knowledge. It seemed like: “buyers remorse” & being weighed by others expectations of what a proper good girl should be. Oh & racism; or by racism of her dad meaning she was damned by the physical contact with a differently melanined man. But what do I know?

I think she needs to learn to say yes or no, be more aware of situations & get her friends to help out ocassionally. Oh definitely stop with the racism.

I also just realised that your response to this is a show of anxiety so here’s a video on dealing with intrusive thoughts:
https://youtu.be/Con_uC8tUrA

Right, almost everyone has hookups/kisses with people they regret. You learn from your mistakes. Next time say no thanks to men you’re not attracted to.
(http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2012/11/how-to-reject-guy-at-bar-part-1.html?m=1) This may have been your first time, but it won’t be your last time, so time to learn a strategy / signal for having friends on back up if you need them & vice versa. Also feel free to kiss, dance etc with men who you do find attractive. If you do decide to take it further then make sure you have condoms as even “hot” men can give you STD’s or get you pregnant.
(http://www.scarleteen.com- for all kinds of advice on sex etc) I’m saying all this as you seem to have been fairly protected/sheltered, but it has some drawbacks- in that you don’t know how to deal with some routine situations.

As for the racism of your parents & you’ve apparently been taught by them…sigh. Not every lesson our parents teach us is right or good, and this one of them. We’ve all got racial bias ( yes even black, latino, asians people do too) etc as we live in this society that is built them and actual racism, but to actually not try to see past that to fact that other races are actual normal people?! They sleep, work, have kids and dream of a better life just as we do. Unfortunately, they’re also have deal with racism & ignorance on top of the hard knocks of ordinary life. Don’t be a person who adds to that burden, you’re far better person than that.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/busting-myths-about-human-nature/201305/how-not-be-racist%3Famp

Big F**king Sigh. People are …interesting.