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Yo, im sick and tired of people misunderstanding what im saying.
Things happened in a way i find difficult writing down here.
She also initiated physical contact after she told me about her feelings.
You really think i’d get confused if it was all so clear like you make it to be?I’m off, ive had a lot of good advice and insights.
But im tired of having to explain my statements.And anonymousse, she commited suicide by jumping in front of a train while drunk when i was 12.
Please try that yourself, too, it’s a very good way to get rid of useless people.Goodbye, i will delete this thread if possible.
samidee, you’re late to the party, really. ive already come to that conclusion. I just want to know these things because it has happened many times before, it would be nice knowing you could improve something about yourself, no?
I am not trying to convince her to give me answers. I am here asking for advice on wether i should or not.
I already am no longer dependant.
Yes, and i feel it might be because i wasn’t confident enough in showing i was okay with being friends. I think this made her feel like i was expecting things from her, which pushed her away further. I can’t explain fully because there were more things said before, but it makes sense to me it wasn’t for the good.
And because i already had that feeling, i came to look for advice before trying to meet up to talk again. Good job, eh?
anonymousse, keep raging.
keep spewing hatred.
i really hope you feel a little bit better in your life.got anything else to say?
if not, see ya.Hey Kate. I really don’t, never in an angry manner. I end up angry with myself after break ups, because i can’t blame someone for not liking me. I blame the part of myself that isn’t likeable, if only i knew what it really is.
I know, i wasn’t sure about the whole thing either. Know that she told me about her not feeling anything before our last date. We drove to the nearest McDonalds to get food and went to the movies afterwards. We then strolled about in the middle of the night in Brussels, under the Atomium (look it up, it’s quite nice at night)). It was freezing cold and i held her to ‘warm’ her and we had a brief little kiss. After which i stayed over again to cuddle. Because she said before she didn’t feel anything, i figured it would be nice to have this sort of thing going on, purely for some phsyical contact and affection. Plus, it wasn’t the sex i was after. I can get laid if i want to, it’s a real connection im missing out on, which i why i don’t like casual sex (with someone you don’t really get along with, that is). This made me think she saw me as a cuddle doll, not the other way around!
And yes, the first conversation about it was before said date. Some days later i went out partying with my friend who lives in her hallway. Because i wasn’t very sure of where we were at at the moment, i decided to go ask. Actually i wanted to let her know how i felt about it (im very uneasy with sharing my feelings right away, i need time to let conversations like the first one sink in before i really know how i feel about them). I wanted things to stay the way they were, it was great. But then she started going on about how great i am, called me a gift from god, said she’d never connected to a guy like me before, on the moment we met. THAT made it very very confusing for me. This conversation was also a bit rushed because me and my friend had to catch a bus, so it was all said in like 15 minutes. Another thing, i went on a party earlier and had a lot of female attention. I decided to ask what she’d think of that in order to get an idea in how serious she was taking “””us”””. Then she told me about how free she feels at uni and she also does what she wants so i wouldn’t have to worry. Okay, cool, i guess. But then she said she wouldn’t be in any relationship anythime soon, not now, not in a month or three. And then i asked where she felt the need from to tell me all of this. Then she told me about the guy, right after the relationship thing. So what i said was in a more joking matter, to be honest, i feel shot down by you people for saying that.
But yeah, the day after. I stayed to sleep with my friend but he sleeps long, like a rock and i was awake very early. So i walked into the kitchen, hungover as fuck and most people from the hallway were there. I asked if i could borrow a towel to shower, she said yeah sure come pick one up. So i knocked on the door, had a little chat, asked if we were good but she seemed more and more distant already. So dropped the towel off later, went to chill in the kitchen but my friend wouldn’t wake up at all, a real rock. So me thinking we could still hang, went to knock on her door. She was lying in her bed watching a series on her laptop. Normally id just watch with her but i felt very awkward. So she felt that as well. And i do think this may have caused her to change her mind after all, yes. I think it’s okay, but i hate to be left in the grey zone. And okay i learnt that i have to be able to simply take it as it is.
“Don’t need the “you got friend zoned brah, move on”. Thanks.”
By that i really meant i was looking for more elaborate replies than just this. Because i know it happened, i wanted advice on how to deal with it rather than a simple “move on”. As i said before, i feel like a lot of what im saying on here is coming through wrongly because of translation.
Other than that, good way to show me why my thinking isn’t how it should be. Thanks.
anonymousse. I genuinly appreciate everyone commenting here. But again, you should close your internet browser. Not because you’re saying things that could be considered hurtful or offensive. You’re simply going on about things that i know to not be true. With all due respect, i disregard everything you have to say.
Except for one thing. The crossing of boundaries. In all honesty, i never felt like asking more about the situation is actually actively crossing a boundary. I never considered it like that and maybe you’re right. I never had a role model on this matter. Maybe worth noting is I had an abusive mother. I genuinly feel that fucked me up from the start. Because of that, ive always been very very shy around girls. The reason i can’t keep girl’s interest is because i have major difficulties opening up to them. I feel like they’re bored with me after a while. As i said, the obsessive thought only come when faced with potentially losing one. Fear of abandonment?
Guy Friday: I’m sorry but i wrote a really long reply to you because i genuinly feel like you’re right but it didn’t come through for some reason. Would you think it’d be a good idea to apologise for not just accepting her initial rejection? IF i see her again , which could be in a month or two, potentially, im not going to see her for that specifically or something.
So if it weren’t clear already: I am backing off, leaving it as it is, 100%. You have given me great insights in the errors of my way of thinking and will actively recognize it when those thoughts come. Because of this i’m able to understand what i’m feeling better.
i just wrote half a page in reply and it didn’t come through 🙁
really, i appreciate everyone taking their time to reply here.
im feeling like A LOT of the things i typed on here are getting misinterpreted as fuck. A LOT.i agree, it would actually be funny to hear a dramatic reading.
Thing is, people, i see where i’m in the wrong. I understand this comes over as very obsessive and i do not want to be that guy, really. I have the clarity i wanted, and i didn’t get it from her but from you people. It’s just that i am young and confused, because if you tell me you want to stay friends, still want to go out on dates, to parties, let me sleep over, chill at my place, i will get in on that. Is that me being naive? Because in all honesty, you don’t need to say things like that to me. I am the calmest man you will come across. It’s the one thing people describe me like: calm. I have never lashed out to anyone in my life. But i do understand her point of view, and as what youve all said, girls would be conditioned to be nice when rejecting someone, i get it.
I also don’t consider myself a gift from god, those were here literal words, which made it all the more confusing for me. It did boost my confidence a bit (with which i have major problems normally). I know i have it in my to initially spark a girl’s interest, and in this case i feel like i blew it by showing myself to be too avaliable, too desperate for affection even. In trut: these thoughts ive shared with you all only start when faced with rejection. So i accept what you all say: i become obsessive when that happens. And i don’t want that to happen. But it can’t be the cause of her losing interest. impossibly.
Well i agree on what a lot of you have to say. But you portray me as some serial rapist or something, while im rather innoncent, really.
And exactly, Leslie, I feel like i can request it!!! I don’t expect her to be able to pinpoint what she dodn’t like in me, i don’t expect anything. I can only ask?
Plus it may be a misunderstanding as well. I didn’t ask her to tell the guy she’s not looking for anything serious to have ‘exclusivity for myself’ or something. I honestly wouldn’t want any guy to be in my position, that’s the truth, how sad it may be.
And yes, i have a big mounth and a small fragile hearth, i know.
ktfran, not trying to make her jealous. I don’t want her to feel awkward, either. This just made clear to me that she wasn’t serious at all when telling me the things she siad about still wanting to go do this and that. By the way, she texted “i’ll see you sometime in the future” afterwards. I’m nt even going to think about it.
Now im off.
Thanks! 🙂Dear Wendy. I’m sorry but i have the idea you fail to grasp the concept of my post here. I did not press her for anything, i was thinking in doing so, which is exactly what im asking advice for.
I have a very graphic way of speaking, i’m not threatening anyone, im just telling them to fuck off if they haven’t got anything helpful to say.
And again, i haven’t continued to press anything. At all. You really don’t get it, do you? I said i want it, didn’t i? That i feel like i need it, not actually need it. And i said i didn’t have any contact since our last face to face conversation, didn’t i? i said i’d move on, didn’t i? I said i’d leave it as it is, didn’t i?
Seriously, stop assuming things. This has gotten way out of hand and i feel like im debating lonely frustrated SJW feminist internet keyboard warriors. But yeah, in America everything is sexist and racist, am i right? Political correctness in overdrive.
I am going to leave it here.
Everyone who took the time to read my post and formulate a genuine helpful response, big thank you.
Everyone who gives me shit for feeling the way i do (i don’t know what to feel, honestly, confusion?) from the ‘moral high ground’, go Fuck yourselves and please do have fun doing it. (i understand harshness can make one think too. Y’all take me way too serious).Goodbye 🙂
Thanks for the input, Kate.
Glad you’re part of this team.
*sigh*LisforLeslie, thanks for the reply. My problem is she confused me a lot by saying the things she said. She made it seem like everything would stay the same and nothing would change. That’s just being dishonest, while i prefer to get the hard truth. While i understand it can be hard to do that. She left me in a very grey zone which is in my opinion a recipe for weird situations, clarity is very important. I have actually been on the other side of such a situation as well. Where a girl suddenly is all over me and i don’t really see it happening. In each case, i was brutally honest.
New update: We had made a ‘deal’ some time ago (after the ‘break up’) where she asked me to come to a certain party that’s today. I told her sure, if you’re coming to this party next month. Hadn’t heard from her so i texted her: “I won’t be able to come tonight, in case you were wondering. So i broke my part of the deal and it’s up to you if you want to uphold your part.” Response: “I’m not sure bc i don’t have any money for tickets right now so i’ll see what my friend is going to do.” Before, she was very very excited to go with me to this party of my choice and kept talking about it. So i responded with: “Ok, got it.” and ignored her response. It’s clear to me now, really. But at least i was able to send a message id not be chasing her. As i said i rarely show my true emotion and hate to burn bridges, yet it’s better to do so sometimes, i guess. Helps for closure, which is what i need, i really thought about every comment here, too.
And yes, maybe i was being in denial for a time. Mind you, i am in fact a lot younger then most of you here and have no freaking clue on how to deal with stuff like this. So really, with all my heart, everyone straight up giving me shit can go F themselves with a cactus. As if none of you ever struggled with love and whatnot. Worst kind of people, honestly.
Dear Wendy, I. DO. NOT. FEEL. ENTITLED. for anything. I feel like i need to know these things in order to deal with the situation, move on, and learn to get to know myself and my emotions. She does not owe me anything. My choice of words may not always have been the best, as English is not my first language. But yes, i feel like the other guy made a bigger impression than me, obviously, you could say that the other way around and it wouldn’t be considered ‘sexist’, right? Jesus. But i feel like i caused this to stop, that it’s some deficit i have, something i’m missing. Wouldn’t you be looking for answers if you’d feel like that? Maybe it is in fact wrong to go bother her with my problems, which is what im learning on this forum, yes thank you. I have to be able to find closure from myself. But according to you i am a bad person because of my inability to do that? Geez.
You people have been a great help, for which my thank. But please tone down in your feministic political views, pretty please. We’re young, this whole thing was never serious and i never ever pushed anything onto her. I never invaded her personal space with my questions or issues. I have no idea what this bracelet thing means but it sounds like you’re seeing me as some fuckin sexual predator. Now that’s VERY exagerrated.
It’s funny because ive also posted this exact same thing on another board that was predominantly male. They were actually able to understand the problem while giving the same advice as you all did: leave it alone, don’t think about it, see other people and don’t bother her with the serious stuff. Yet they never felt the need to talk down on me nor feel morally superior in some way like you did. I am a young male with emotional problems. Way to go for some of you, some of you should get a load of themselves. And the stereotype for women goes they’d be more caring and whatnot. Plus I also started replying really late. I didn’t see there were already 4 pages of comments so i replied to the last one on page 1, while the other three were already spiralling down in frustrating comments while i had had no say at all.
Conclusion: you guys gave me good advice, im going to leave it as it is. I will most certainly see her again in the future, not intentionally, but within a few months probably. By then id have found rest and we should be able to have a chat again. If she shows interest again, i know what to do and what not to.
Honestly there is a bigger picture here. I’m not just frustrated by the fact that i lost her interest in me. Ive got complexes, unprocessed personal history and was heavily addicted to weed and videogames. When i met her it felt like a finally woke up from a 5 year long haze. I quit weed and gaming, put 200% effort in school, got a job and all. And she was connected to the change. Because of it all, i was literally living on a cloud for two months, everything was great. So this is a hard, hard comedown. It’s difficult to not relapse which is why i was desperate for closure. And desperation does not bring about the brightest ideas.
