muchachaenlaventana
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Yeah, many asexual people have sex sporadically or even often at first in newer relationships before it tapers off, so that doesn’t necessarily indicate he is not asexual. Also if he is asexual, it isn’t a big deal in general but probably will be to the Lady E– that said, it has only been 3 months, the Lady E is comfortablish in this situation, and happy, and knows she needs to address it sooner than later. I do hope he makes a move soon so you don’t have to address it @the lady e, but even if he doesn’t, the way he responds to that conversation will tell you about as much about him as the prior three months have. Either way, good luck and enjoy this now! I would go in to the talk hopeful and confident, not scared or nervous (if that is possible).
Yeah. I agree with all of the above— not to pile on, but it seems like a pattern you have. I do recall that you come from a very conservative Christian upbringing and I wonder if there was some sex negativity involved that you see these things as normal and maybe put up with them longer than you should, leading you to not being able or open to having other fulfilling relationships? I want for you to feel desired and wanted on a level beyond just emotional intimacy and just from this brief snippet it doesn’t sound as if you have experienced that. If you have never listened to Dan Savage I would 100% recommend listening to his back history of podcasts.
As far as hippie guy– I agree you need to have an honest conversation with him. At this point, you guys spending all this time together and seeing one another so frequently and in a lot of ways “dating” it shouldn’t be a hard thing, nor should it push him away. In fact, the way he responds to this will show you a lot about him and whether you want to continue down the path of dating with him. I know it has been awhile since you had this type of connection and you are afraid of scaring him away or shaking the status quo, but how long are you willing to keep this up just snuggling, hugging, and being his girlfriend except not. Maybe you aren’t as confused as all of us nosy busybodies and of course you know what is best for you and what makes you happiest and I hope you continue to pursue that, but this just seems very out of the norm.
So I think this is not that complicated. The facts– Veritek and this dude spent a great weekend together, him just saying “I can’t come to you for the next month because I am insanely slammed” doesn’t secretly mean he doesn’t want to see her or wouldn’t love to see her, he is just giving her a heads up if he seems more distant or isn’t offering to come down again, that is why. Until his actions stop backing what he is saying, I would just enjoy this for what it is and live a bit more in the moment.
Sometimes people get busy, even when they are first dating and are legit very interested in someone. Not everyone is the type to drop things or do anything to make time with someone, even if they really like them, when they have just met and begun to get to know one another! Maybe he didn’t say “I can’t come down for the next month but would love to see you so lets plan a Sunday thing or maybe you can come up here if its not too much” or whatever, because it has been 3 dates and maybe he doesn’t want to come on too strong and they had just banged and spent a great evening/day together and he just assumed it was implied they would work out seeing one another before then, even given his busy schedule. Maybe he didn’t want to make Ver feel like its all on her to come up and so was giving her sort of a heads up/disclaimer when he isn’t offering to come visit her.
accidental repost
@mimosa I understand the anxiety you have regarding the safety of your boyfriend because I am a super anxious person who constantly fears for those around her. There was a time when I was dating my first boyfriend I would make him check in with me when he got home and if he didn’t call within like 5 minutes of how long I knew it should take to get home I would lose my shit and call and call and text and it was bad. I was also 18– in the years since I have learned sometimes you have to just let go and trust someone as the adult they are to make the best decisions. In the end, no amount of nagging you can do is going to make a lick of difference to how your boyfriend acts, in reality its just going to make him stop telling you when he does things you wouldn’t’ “approve” of and that is going to suck because it brings a layer of doubt and mistrust to a relationship which you don’t want. I went to therapy to deal with some of this anxiety and would definitely recommend that approach because it is a really shitty way to live always fearing and being anxious, so you do have my empathy there.
And I really don’t want to touch on the race aspect of this but I can’t not put this here. Please everyone who is confused, look at the definition of racism:
rac·ism
ˈrāˌsizəm/Submit
noun
the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.
prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one’s own race is superior.What people on here are saying about this neighborhood being dangerous because of the race of people-like this is an implied thing (white people areas are just naturally better/more safe and black people areas are obviously full of crime because, black) IS a racist way of thinking and continues to perpetuate stereotypes against black people and perpetuates all of the issues that continue to exist with the systemic racism in our country.
Things that do not classify as racism by this definition– calling out a white person as a white person, please this is is no way, shape or form racism. Yeah maybe this could be construed as threatening or scare someone or as “othering” in some sense but it is not an example of racism or reverse racism (which doesn’t really exist–type this in to google and a lot of great articles on why this isn’t a thing will pop up).
Omg!! Never again can you use being in a parking lot as an excuse for a dude who didn’t put the moves on your sexy self. I’m SO happy for you. Do you all have any plans for a second date? Yay!!!
@veritek that is pretty sweet he thought of that! Yay for new dresses. I am having a really shitty time right now personally dealing with some insecurities in my relationship and just being pretty confused, and reading everyone’s dating stories is really keeping me entertained! Thanks guys and keep them coming.
Ha so funny, I would have slept with more people too or just been less rigid about what I considered “okay”. I was such a prude and damn I was hot and the boys wanted that shit. Be safe about it, but have fun! Those experiences and spontaneous things you do are what you remember going forward. I rarely remember the boring nights I stayed in or abstained from drinking for whatever reason, I remember the nights things got wild and I just went with it.
I agree with the advice about being practical to an extent–I think if you have the forethought you can be practical and do something you enjoy or possibly love… I didn’t really give two thoughts to my life outside of college and so wound up in a shitty position with basically nothing going for me and now 6 years later wanting to finally break in to the field I realized I want to be in, I am pretty much SOL because I have no experience or qualifications. Sorry if this is downer advice.
Also if you have the opportunity now for a crazy adventure, take it! I had a crazy adventure when I was 24 and it was the best year of my life and something I will always remember. If you can stretch that adventure out, do it, I returned home for practical reasons and sometimes wish I hadn’t.
Second on birth control. One of my best friends got pregnant at 22 and it didn’t ruin her life, and her baby daughter is just a beautiful little thing, but it was a shitty situation for a long time and now she is 26 and a single mom and really struggles.
22 isn’t old, I remember I thought 22 was so old, 23 24 25 etc. but it isn’t you are still so young and have so much ahead of you!
