muse

Ktfran–Thanks! I just really love how centered I feel when I have a good routine going.

I agreed with a poster who wrote that they got stressed just reading about your life Veritek, so I can’t imagine how tough it must be to live with that. Sure the external factors you can’t control like a family member’s health and the options for dating available in your city, but you can control how stress free your home life is the minute you enter you own home. If you can find a way to be at peace with things you can’t control then hopefully if and when you are ready to date, the dates will be fun and joyful. Its totally understandable to have a reaction to all that stress you face with tears and need a release. Maybe factor in some self care and reaction time if you need to deal with your mom anytime. The stress of not knowing how normal or unhappy and cruel she will be must be horrible, and its natural to have a reaction to it even if her behavior is not ‘that bad’ I know keeping busy is the new norm, but its not for everyone. Its definitely not good for those of us who need a lot of reflection and self care time after trying ordeals.

And a personal favorite–is there anyway you can go for a massage or facial? I always feel refreshed after one of those, a spa pedicure is more affordable but still relaxing.

Oh man I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles Veritek. You always seem like such a genuine and nice person on here, its sad to see you suffering. I won’t offer advice to you directly as I don’t know you and your situation exactly, but I will talk about steps I personally take to work on stuff similar to what you wrote.

I too have some family issues with my parents and also have one parent who is mentally ill. I’ve discovered boundaries are the best thing ever. As is remembering that mental illness is a bitch and the person inflicting the pain is so ill that they are not aware of what they do, and the extent their words and actions hurt others. We are allowed to feel pain at their harshness, but we are lucky to not have the same illness. I keeping reminding myself We are in a better place mentally thus should be compassionate. Its not always easy, but distance and awareness of mental issues make things a little easier when things are rough.

I’ve also become diligent in my self care routine. For me, eating well means taking the time to prepare healthy nutritious meals, cut back on the alcohol as it exacerbates my anxiety and paranoia that no one likes me, and getting in some physical activity. Routines also help when things seem unsurmountable. Is there anyway you can simplify your routine over the next few weeks? Like get up do some light physical activity, have a healthy breakfast and get ready for the day. Work your 8-5 or whatever hours you have, come home decompress then prepare yourself a healthy meal and clean up. Before bed you could read or do some uplifting activity and sleep on time at 10 so you can be ready to get up at 6 and start all over again. Keep this up until things get a little more under control? I find a routine really grounding when things feel overwhelming in my personal life. Getting enough sleep, and sometimes needing sleep aids like melatonin or calming teas, drinking enough water through the day, eating a balanced diet, all this starts to center you. Take a hiatus from social media where everyone posts happy holiday photos and just focus on you. Try to not date until things seem more manageable and you can roll with the punches better.

I wish you the best.