musicmomma

Original poster here, just wanted to clarify a few things:

First off, WOW, some of you are incredibly rude and insensitive! I thought this was supposed to be a place to support and advice? Not to be ripped to shreds based off a post that shares an infinitesimal glimpse into the woes and intricacies of my marriage.

I was attracted to him when we first began dating, but it faded over time as his weight shifted from a heavier muscular man, who went to the gym, with a more “healthy BMI”, to no longer going to the gym and his body changing considerably. His Dr. labeled him severely obese, and diagnosed him as at risk for diabetes at the age of 26. I don’t see how that is fair to his family with the potential of losing his life at an early age and leaving my son and I behind just because he wanted the world to love and accept his unhealthy lifestyle. If this were a problem with alcohol, or smoking, or drugs would I still be called names on this forum?

On top of this, he only prefers thin/skinny women, and is not attracted to overweight women at all, so yes it’s a hypocritical and unfair double standard. He once mentioned he would marry this friend of ours if she lost “100 lbs”. And for your information “juliecatherine”, I’m now 10 whole pounds heavier than when we started dating. So that’s where I rank.

This is way more complicated than you all seem to make it out. Some of you say I’m “grossed out” by him. Not true. Some of you say I mislead him, also not true because I most certainly was attracted to him. But speaking of misdirection, he mislead me in terms of supporting my career choice. But I came to find out later that he just though it was a phase I was going through, and was secretly wishing I wouldn’t pursue that. Talk about a heartbreaker for me. But I didn’t lash out and tell him he lied to me, and tell him I was gonna find someone else who accepted me and loved my career choice. Because you don’t just bail on a marriage like that. It’s a give and take, and if you love someone, you’ll do anything for them. And that includes changing the negative things about yourself, and constantly striving to be the best version of yourself, especially if its within your power to change. Even something like your health and losing weight.

Here’s another fun fact: his mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer exactly 5 days after we got married. So what did we do? We moved in with her to help take care of her. And we lived there for 4 years until she passed away. So don’t pretend like you know the whole story and pass your judgement on me.