nickel_5
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@TheLadyE sounds like he’s already told her everything she needs to hear, but I get being the older sibling whose voice is ignored. Frankly, if you’re going to let your parents have veto power in your adult relationships, you probably shouldn’t even start down that path with anybody who doesn’t fit their standards. Of course, he probably just wants to fool around out of their sight without having to stand up to them about his decisions when he gets serious with someone
@Copa yeah, the whole situation was just ridiculous and unnecessary
Anyways, a hiking buddy / former FWB will be passing through my city next weekend, so I have some casual uncomplicated fun to look forward to
Sure, he could be seeing other women and that’s fine. We met recently, don’t know each other well enough to be moving into relationship territory yet, and I assume that until that point any guy is or could be seeing other people. I don’t necessarily want to ragequit something that seemed to have potential, but he lied, got caught, made a desperate attempt to avoid notice, and then followed up with another lie. I don’t really know a way forward that doesn’t seem to just passively accept that
*waves* hello again DW regulars. I think I just hit a new low point in “adventures in modern dating.” Met a guy a few weeks ago (in person, how novel!), hit it off pretty quickly, and have been on 4 dates. There’s a small voice in my head cynically wondering what the catch is. He’s one of the most attractive men I’ve ever met, has his life together, shares many interests and acts fairly into me. He’d initiated all of the previous dates, so I texted him a few days ago asking if he was free this weekend. He says he’ll be visiting his family out of town all weekend, but we should get together next week. I tell him to have a good trip and figure I’ll hear from him when he’s back in town. Lo and behold, I went for a run with a friend this morning and ran into him on the local jogging trail. He sees me and jumps off the trail to duck behind a bush. I call his name, give him my best smile, wave, and penetrating look, and keep running. He texts me a while later saying he was in a hurry and taking a shortcut to his car, which is patently untrue based on the part of the trail where I encountered him. I’m not going to dignify the bullshit with a response or contact him again. I’d rather find out that somebody is shitty early, so whatever, on with my life. Just…really? LITERAL running and hiding when caught in a lie.
Ha, fun article, Copa! I’m in austin and the bearded techie with weird hobbies thing seems to be true…I generally like that though, so it’s good! I’m still seeing one of the guys I posted about a few weeks back. I’m not in any particular rush to get in a LTR and we’re on the same page about that. Honestly, it’s been a lot of fun to meet new people and get out for low expectation casual dating over the last few months.
Can confirm, wear makeup and have hiked literally thousands of miles.
And I get having preferences for certain body types, but how does a list of “acceptable” weights in a dating profile come off as anything but crass and offputfing?
Kate – interesting, I can see how that might contribute. This is now my 3rd foray into online dating (1st was super brief before I met someone IRL, 2nd was 3 years ago) and I didn’t really experience ghosting/fading either time, not counting when neither of us reached out again after an uninspiring first date. It’s a tiny sample size, but this time I’ve had one guy ghost after several dates and another was pretty flaky and would text about getting together and wanted to just “play it by ear.” I mean, I can be flexible to a point, but I’m not going to sit around waiting for somebody who can’t commit to a time/place. I try to at least have the courtesy to send a brief no thanks text to somebody who reaches out to me if I’m not interested in seeing them again.
To give some perspective on the “why would he date if he might be moving?!”, this has been my situation for the better part of the last few years. I’ve moved frequently and will continue to travel for several months at a time for both work and play. There’s rarely been a “good” time to date since there’s always been uncertainty about where/when my career will take me next, but I wasn’t willing to sit out on the sidelines indefinitely. I’m open about it in my profile. Enjoying a few months with someone and then parting ways isn’t terrible in my view, nor is the prospect that something more serious could develop if we’re both around and interested when I return. My situation is different from that of someone who knows they’ll be leaving their area permanently, but it sounds like most of these situations that DW readers have encountered were with guys who didn’t know for sure until the last minute.
Veritek – too bad for the guy, but maybe good for you?
Both dates were really nice! The first was with a young professor who I met at a coffee shop that serves s’mores and gives you a tiny fire to roast them over. We had a nice conversation peppered with Arrested Development references, he was clearly nervous, and I had a nice time but didn’t necessarily feel it for a second date. The second one was a lot of fun. We met at the park, started out just relaxing on a blanket in the sun and playing with my dog, drank cheap mimosas at a nearby patio bar, and finally ended with a little making out in the parking lot when he walked me back to my car. I found him super attractive and our conversation brought up that we had a bunch of long term goals and some hobbies (a fellow long distance hiker!) in common beyond what was listed on our profiles. We made plans to meet again next week.
House got weirdly hot and cold and now seems to be fading out. Meh, we had some fun dates but I’m over the on/off again behavior, not going out of my way to contact him again. I’m meeting one new guy tonight and another tomorrow afternoon – one advantage of being back in a big city is that there is no dearth of attractive, educated, outdoorsy men here!
Best of luck to everyone who’s job searching. I’ve been slightly stunned at my luck in the last few months at finally getting to a place where my work is satisfying, pays well, and has a lot of flexibility. While I haven’t been laid off, I did recently make a major direction change after years of working my ass off trying to break into a niche part of my field. That work is really cool on paper, the pay is terrible and the attitude is that there are hundreds of overqualified people ready and willing to replace you, so be grateful for whatever you get. Realizing that it was soul sucking and quitting was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Veritek – that situation/his reaction to it so far sucks, sorry : (. I will say that I’ve moved frequently over the last decade and been on both sides of that kind of situation, and have usually just ended it. I did have one relationship that started as just a casual thing because we knew he was going to move away, feelings developed and persisted even after he’d left, and we ended up having a mostly LDR (he did spend a few months/year with me in between contracts) for several years. I think it’s reasonable to keep low expectations but you never know.
Copa – ugh, I’d be annoyed too! I find ghosting acceptable after maybe 1-3 dates, though I’d still rather have somebody straight up reject me. Ghosting somebody you’ve been seeing for months is a dick move
My update – gave it another shot with House and whatever was missing last time came roaring back. Honestly, what I felt as lack of chemistry/enthusiasm on the one date may have just been exhaustion on his part, as it was after he’d spent a 12+ hour day at work. Finding time to get together between our two work schedules (mine changes every week and typically includes weekends, his is currently crazy due to a project deadline) is difficult, but he’s consistently communicated that he wants to see me again, so all’s proceeding well so far
Aww, a planetarium date sounds really fun! Glad it’s going well so far.
Had another date with House that ended in a bit of making out and…it felt really flat. Like maybe we’ve got better friend chemistry than sexual/romantic chemistry. He’s hilarious and trading jokey texts with him has been a lot of fun, so I’m hoping we can parlay it into a friendship if nothing else
*waves* been away from this site for a while and mostly a lurker previously. Now I’m circling back as I’m making another foray into the online dating world. I found that paying okcupid a few bucks for incognito makes a world of difference for me – no more being bombarded by bros looking for a quick hookup, dudes my dad’s age, or even just a lot of well-thought out messages by people I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be interested in. After a few first meetings with no spark/interest in a second date from one side or the other, I’ve had two great dates with a new guy over the last week. There was that rare (for me) feeling of hitting it off from the start and a lot of fun witty banter. Plus he looks like a younger/cuter Dr. House. No telling if it will go anywhere this early on, but it’s nice to be excited about someone after being mostly out of the dating scene for a while!
I’m finally starting to get out and meet people again after a long hiatus. Backpacking for 4 months, then moving across the country and starting a graduate program where I spend a lot of time doing fieldwork in the desert were not very conducive to normal dating. I went out dancing and spent half the night talking with a geeky-cute physicist over Thanksgiving. He lives in my hometown, so there’s no opportunity to see him again any time soon, but it was still nice to have that feeling of hitting it off with someone you’ve just met and indulging in a little flirtation. Last weekend I went to a holiday party and wound up giving my number to a guy I met there. We’ve got a coffee date tonight – nothing too exciting but we’ll see how it goes!
