potatofries
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Dear CanadaGoose,
No worries, I am not offended by your kids’ analogy. And it’s not far from reality of how adults think in many contexts. Thank you for your suggestions, it really does help. I will come back to give an update at the end of March!
Update: He had done the three things I listed which he put in his calendar, all on Monday, I got to his place at 22h30 after my volleyball training to a better looking apartment and a warm dinner. I was grinning from ear to ear.
Cheers to all!@SM and Nikemom
I clean once a week, but if I notice a big smudge/spill on the mirror/sink I tend to clean it right away. I am not a clean freak either, I have weeks where I travel on the weekend or doing some activities after work which leave me no time for cleaning but that is not a normal week for me. And also I actively try to find a slot in my schedule to organise and clean my place which is not how my boyfriend works. I do leave dishes in the sink (but not on the dining table/working space), leave laundry out couple of days even after they have been dried (drying stand is sometimes like a wardrobe for my boyfriend), but my threshold for this is couple of days. I can not accept him the way he is now, I told him I would not compromise on this.Update: This weekend I had a big talk with my boyfriend on this (again), and he asked me to point out what are the top 3 things that needs immediate action in his apartment , so I did, and he put these things in his calendar. He thanked me for my communication, and I told him I would not be doing this all the time. The things I listed would need regular check and he should do it. He said “he knows”, so lets see.
Update: So I will move-in with him in March for a one-month trial, I will still be keeping my apartment during this trial.Hello again,
I have spoken to him about this number of times, especially pointing out particular mess that had surpassed my tolerance level. His most common response to it is he is too busy and he is stressed from his work and can not put efforts into “these things”. And when I expressed about how I worry about moving-n with him because his perception of mess is really really really different from mine. His response is, “I live alone so I do not have the motivation to be organised but if you come live with me of course I will do better , I will make efforts”. The big problem is he doesn’t see mess like I do, he can learn putting dishes into the dish-washer right away, throwing the cartons boxes right into the bin, wiping the cook-top etc but I fear he will never learn to notice the smudges on a mirror, spills over the sink top, the fact that the garbage bin requires cleaning too or dusting tables etc. It infuriates me sometime to realise that I know his kitchen better than he does. We almost everyday sleep together, mostly in my apartment during the weekdays and fridays and saturdays at his as it is convenient for me to go to work from my apartment. And after all these discussions, now he has slowly learnt to do things my way in my apartment.
When I met his family I understood, partly, why he is the way he is because his mum told me she did all the stuff for him. The thing is my mum did all the stuff for me and my two brothers. one of my brothers turned out to be exactly like my boyfriend. But it is not a justification, one should start adult-ing when being an adult.
The thing is I am renting and he has his own place, so I could really do the “trial move-in” before I give up my place (if I were to consider moving-in at all) because I do not want to go through apartment hunting again. Thanks for pointing out this possibility.
