SavannahAnna
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That is great, Soph! If you carry away that lesson about what you will & won’t put up with in future, it’s absolutely golden, and will make the whole rest of your life immeasurably better. I was afraid that, at first, you were just bristling at most of the (excellent, IMHO) advice you were getting, and tuning it out. And it sounds like you’re already feeling tender from a recent family loss. But it is SO valuable to know your worth, and walk away quickly from love-bombers and from people whose actions don’t match their words. Best wishes.
I’ve missed you, AP!!
I’ll leave the summarization of 746 pages of awesome dates (and lots more!) to more able minds…
What Anonymousse said! To pay double doesn’t make sense for a couple. For him to pay until your house sells doesn’t change this a bit — if you were really thinking like a couple, this extra expense would make zero sense. And to wait for canoe season to move ahead on your engagement and other plans seems extraordinarily silly. That’s probably at least part of what seems “off” to you.
I know people who have moved abroad with their cats, and the vet did give them something to relax the cats and make a very long trip tolerable for them. And yes, they had their kitty passports!
According to Urban Dictionary, “friendo” is:”An intimidating word you use when you want to shake down or scare someone who actually isn’t really a friend.
‘Call it. Friendo.’ – A remorseless hitman to a simple store-owner in Texas, from the film ‘No Country for Old Men.’ He wants him to call the coin he just flipped. If the store-owner calls it wrong, the hitman will kill him. If he calls it right, he’ll let him live. A real friend would just let the guy live regardless.”Javier Bardem was chilling in that film!!
SO much depends on your own dog! Just like my childhood dog hated riding in the car (to her, it meant a trip to the vet, UGH!), and yet it is a supreme pleasure to so many dogs… a black Lab I know used to know absolutely loved going to Halloween parties as Cujo, and gloried in the attention and fun. Other dogs may feel differently. Your mileage may vary.
TrixyMinx, I know — it sounded like an incredible date and I don’t see how he didn’t see that. Not the guy for you!
TheLadyE, do you have an “extra” email account that you use for things that might inundate you with spam? You could post it here, and check it today & tomorrow. If there’s a message from someone who identifies as TheHizzy AND she offers a number you can text her at, there you go! You’ll know it’s really TheHizzy. And use the forms like the this-is-my-address dodge to further confuse automated “scrapers”. Otherwise, you can ignore any spam as you usually do and let it age off. That work?
Best wishes!
@theladye, you’re right that someone needs to show early interest in you for it to go forward at all. But then, he DID that — where it goes off-kilter is that he didn’t leave it there, and let things develop organically. He sounds like he isn’t managing his own feelings, but rather is putting it on you to deliver the “us” after an astonishingly short period of time. That’s sounding like “future-faking”, or else a high-pressure sales tactic: limited time offer at this low, low price! Going fast…
A man who really has it together does his own emotional labor, doesn’t try to line up a relationship commitment (“us”) after just a handful of dates. You’re right that you need to enforce boundaries. In my opinion, though, a “quality” man wouldn’t be putting you in that position so very quickly.
Owwww, Ale — I’m so sorry! You had gone so many miles above and beyond already, and gave so much to this ex-relationship. I hope things turn around for you and you can leave this guy in the dust!
Ale, what he is doing is unbelievably cruel! And he sounds like he has a towering sense of entitlement and selfishly just wants what he wants, when he wants it. He should change gyms as a small gesture to make amends and ask NOTHING of you, ever again. Protect yourself and let your heart heal.
I am so, so sorry, Ale! This has to hurt like crazy! The pain is probably all you can feel right now — please take good care of yourself and go easy on YOU, please. What you just added makes it clearer than ever that what people have been telling you is absolutely true: it isn’t what you did, it’s about who he is. “Dick” seems more than fair, and he sounds like a callous user. You need somebody way better than him. To me, it seems like the only thing you did was give love and support to someone who wasn’t deserving of it. You didn’t pull the chain and flush him away once it was pretty clear what he was like. You sound like a very giving person. Later on, if you can do what Chump Lady calls “fix your picker”, you can hopefully find a truly wonderful guy who who will be worth all the love and care you likely will pour into that relationship. Very best wishes to you!
