snoopy128
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I tend to equate the super gung-ho-from-the-start-about-being-exclusive-people to that one friend we all have who is so excited and into helping out whenever someone pitches an idea for something fun. They are good at getting the momentum going, at getting people involved, in going the extra mile to do some brainstorming or adding in some extra ideas……but when it actually comes down to nailing down the time or the location, they put the brakes on and suddenly aren’t sure if they can 100% make it. The planning was fun, the brainstorming ideas was great, but when it comes down to execute…..they were more in it for the hype. It’s not because they are bad people, they just get wrapped up in the momentum and aren’t actually looking at how things work into their day/life plan. In the moment, things are great! awesome!
This is kind of how I see this guy- he’s so into the idea of finding a life partner, so yeah, he’s going to fly to visit you, he’s going to be sweet and contact you, etc etc, but when a big life decision comes along, he needs to pump the brakes because he hasn’t really given much thought about what he wants from life or how you might actually potentially fit into that.
And yeah, ghosting is bs.
I seriously vote you don’t read that letter. Burn it. Don’t open it. Give it to a friend to hold on to. There’s nothing in there that will make you feel better; letters like this are ALWAYS about the letter writer making themselves feel better by trying to explain what a mess they are.
I don’t want to dump on you when you are down, but I think your example is exactly why some other posters consider too much attention from a guy at the start is a yellow flag.
Wait- was this ranting and wine with him?
I mean, what you wrote here, you tone and all- pretty much tells me you know this is a bad idea and feel the need to punish yourself and go through with it. So the question is why? Why do you feel the need to punish yourself? To make yourself go through this and feel shitty?
I mean, he lured you in with the warm and fuzzies and then dumped a bomb on you that contradicted all the warm and fuzzies he reeled you in with and got you hooked. Whether he did it on purpose or not, it seems like a bait and switch. I thought the point of being in relationships was to be open and honest, especially in a polyamourous one where you are dealing with more people and more feelings and more grey lines for which there are less societal norms to help you out with.
Ugh, sorry Stone, don’t beat yourself up over getting attached. I’m glad you have lots of distractions planned this weekend.
Lucia, don’t assume it’s a breakup, but I’d approach it cautiously! I also hate those kind of texts. My mind just goes into overdrive when I get them and I can’t shut it off.
@veritek, as someone who also needs a plan and hates ambiguity (and would also sit around forever ‘just in case’ someone got free), OWN IT! Don’t apologize for it. Stop making consessions and trying to ‘lighten up’. A little bit of flexibility is good. Pretending you are happy to try to wing it for 5 (8?) weeks, is not. That’s how you get into incompatible relationships- where he flies by the seat of his pants, and you need a schedule and it causes tension. So instead of being anxious and drawing this out in hopes that this guy *IS* more prone to planning (and less flaking) when his schedule settles down, take a break, and try again when his schedule is good. Don’t get more invested in the current state of things when it isn’t working for you. That’s not true to who you are.
And I agree with jlyfsh….too much familiarity by date three with the whole playing-the-weekend-by-ear thing.
@veritek, I think that’s totally fair. It’s clear this guy doesn’t really have the time right now to be in the early phases of dating and giving the attention you would like. I think you should just let him know exactly what you said. But don’t plan a date for 5 weeks from now, just leave the door open if you are both interested when this all dies down. Worst case scenario- he’s not interested when things get less busy- but really, it just means he wasn’t interested enough *anyways* and then you didn’t waste weekends waiting for him to be available. Best case scenario, you two resume seeing each other when things get less busy.
Honestly, in reading your last updates, I was confused why you were so chill with all of this cancelling and rescheduling and last minute date thing. It sounds like your life is so hectic already, why would you add to that?I don’t see anywhere where she suggested he was a jerk for being interested, or that he didn’t have the right to send her a message.
Oops. By gel, I mean shellac.
I’m very tempted to get a gel manicure this weekend to celebrate starting my new job. But I’ve bitten my nails super short and would prefer to wait until they grow out a tiny bit more so the girl can shape them nicely for me. Thoughts on a gel manicure before a trip to Hawaii? I’m pretty rough on my hands so shellac lasts me 2-3 weeks tops.
The third link, the black one, is too safe. I think my favourite is the green backless.
I’m glad you decided to go to the ball and are trying to cut down your work shift so you won’t be as tired!
I actually forgot about this until now, but my boyfriend and I started dating because he asked me to his engineering formal because he needed a date. I agreed to go as a ‘friend date’…..but in the two months between the ask and the formal, it turned into a FWB date, which then eventually turned into a relationship. But going as his non-girlfriend date was really fun. Most people are there to socialize with their pals and have fun. The assumption (at least for the formal) wasn’t that dates were girlfriends or boyfriends.
@mucha- do you have a good tailor? I good tailor can do wonders to alter the fit of a garment
@Kare, congrats on passing your PMP. I hope you celebrated with lots of vodka
