TaraMonster
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PLEASE fly BGM to your SIL’s wedding. Pretty pretty please!!
I saw your second comment after I posted again. My bad! Yeah if you know it’s going to be small, then of course focus on other things. I am a perpetual worrier and right now that worry is centered on how to tell my future MIL we don’t want 500 people at the wedding haha.
Oh yes, @Copa makes a good point that I forgot to mention- traditional Hindu weddings are very involved and I’m not sure how you would make it small. I was trying to explain this to my aunt the other day. She thinks that we can just have a pandit say a prayer and that will be enough to satisfy the Hindu side. I almost laughed when she said that. She meant well with the suggestion, but she was looking at it through a very simplistic lens. I’m pretty sure his parents would feel totally erased from the process if that was all we did.
Oooo this is so timely for me! My boyfriend was also raised Hindu, but is an atheist. And I’m an agnostic who was raised Catholic. We are planning to get married in the next year or so (not engaged yet, but it’s coming) and have been talking a ton about what kind of wedding we should have. His parents are super religious and I know they’d want us to have a traditional Hindu wedding, but my boyfriend isn’t sure he wants to- tho I can see his mother lobbying HARD for it. When the time comes it’s going to be a delicate balance between what feels right for us as a couple and seeing how much we should try to please our families. We already decided it’s going to be buffet style since we’ll essentially have to have two menus. One of the main reasons we are already semi-planning it is to save and busget for it- it’s worth it to have these discussions for the financial planning alone.
@PaintedLady- I didn’t read the whole thread, but if it makes you feel any better, I agree with you. I think a lot of work has been done by people who think equality means they’re losing some “rights” to make feminism sound like a dirt word. I, personally, refuse to mitigate that with a “but I’m not one of those feminists.” I have no idea what that means when someone says it all loaded with negativity like that- that’s THEM making up definitions in their head and drawing conclusions about a movement that they likely know very little about except that there’s an association of extremeness with it. Frankly, with the whole wide internet out there and the nuttiness that went down this year with GOP policies, I’m not here to educate. And I’m definitely not here to apologize.
Love,
TaraMonster the (gasp!) Feminist
I think the last name issue is personal, so I’ll just state my personal beliefs.
I really dislike the patriarchal naming system. When I think about it, I just go further down the rabbit hole of ‘women are property’ and it bugs the shit out of me. I don’t think there’s a really good solution or fix to this either.
People thinking about it, and removing the presumption that the woman will take her husband’s last name is progress, IMO. And I would never tell another woman to make my choices. But I tend to be of that mindset across the board- you want to be a Jets fan and have to root for Sanchez and look at Rex Ryan’s rudy rage-face every Sunday? Well that’s your sad choice! I kid I kid (kinda).
Anyway. I think it’s a personal decision, and I personally can’t see myself being compatible with someone who doesn’t see it that way. When my ex and I had this conversation he said, “I always assumed you’d keep your name. That’s who you are. And I can’t imagine being with a woman who didn’t want to keep her name.” This is a man who was raised by a feminist, and was completely unfazed by being teased after he told his friends he was a feminist on the playground in 3rd grade. Oh jeez. I’d like to stop loving him already. DAMMIT.
The only name change I ever intend on making is a pen name. Because I write sci-fi, and also plain old regular fiction, and my name sounds like a made-up romance writer’s name. I’m serious. I do love my last name, but everyone always assumes my last name is some country-ass add-on to my first name (think: Carrie Mae or Jenny Lynn) and it makes me bonkers. There are people in my office who STILL forget my last name is not part of my first name and you don’t need to address me with my full name 24/7. And since these people email me nearly every day and all our emails are [email protected] I.Just.Don’t.Get.It. /end rant
