temperance
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I agree with Elanie. I’m still going to correct people who call me the wrong name, but people definitely take it as an aggressive act (probably because in a lot of circles, changing your name is the norm).
@Bethany: believe it or not, my full name (first+last) is what I was known by to a lot of people I grew up with. My initials are alliterative and it sort of became my nickname.For me, changing my name is not even a consideration and never was. Even when I dated my last bf, who was very religious and traditional, I said I would hyphenate because I couldn’t imagine giving up my whole identity, which is name changing felt *to me*. Now, I can’t imagine even hyphenating or adding another name to mine. (FWIW, even my own MOTHER has told me that I’m disrespectful to my future husband because I don’t want to be Mrs. Him. She’s an ass, though, and part of the reason I’m so openly feminist and anti-tradition in these matters.)
I know that my FMIL is going to be disappointed and hurt, because in her mind, rejecting the family name is rejecting the family, but I don’t care that much about anyone’s opinion on the subject outside of my own. My fiance has said that he loves Temperance “MyLastName” and that’s who he fell for, not Temperance “HisLastName”, who is someone he doesn’t even know.
I think that, at the very least, it should be a compromise and a discussion rather than a flat-out assumption that the woman has to take the man’s name. There are plenty of reasons to make the choice to change or not change (or add), but I think they need to be part of a larger conversation about expectations in the relationship.
