There are some things that bother me about their relationship, though. Like, sometimes he seems irritated with her. He says she talks a lot, which she does. She is a normal 5-year-old girl. At night he doesn’t say prayers with us or help tuck her in. She asked him to tuck her into bed one night and he refused. I ask him to do stuff for her sometimes while I’m busy and he won’t. Is he just being lazy or does he not know how to really be a parent? Am I expecting too much of him? (He has a 5-year-old son whom we get, but has never really spent a whole lot of time with him because of his mother).
I’m wondering if he’s going to make a good step-dad one day, and I just don’t see it. I feel like he should love my daughter as his own. But maybe I’m wrong. When I approach him with my feelings, he gets mad. He told me once she’s not his kid, which hurt my feelings. He’s not a bad person nor is he mean to her — I would never be with someone like that. I’m just wondering whether he’s a good choice for my daughter and me in the long run. I don’t want to marry someone who makes me feel like I have to constantly stick up for my child. Please help me! — Cautious Mom
When you ask your boyfriend to do stuff for your daughter, he refuses. When she asks him to tuck her into bed, he says no. He gets irritated with her for being a normal little 5-year-old girl. When you express your feelings about how he treats your daughter, he gets mad or says, “She’s not MY kid.” And even if she were his kid, there’s no indication he’d treat her any better. He has a child of his own — one who’s the same age as your little girl — and you say he hardly spends any time with him. And yet! And yet, you’re wondering if he’d make a good stepdad to your daughter?
This guy’s an asshole and not only does he make an absolutely lousy choice as a potential stepfather, he sounds like a rotten choice in a boyfriend, too. Kick him to the curb and MOA. Any man who is lucky enough to be allowed into your daughter’s life — and I HIGHLY recommend you start vetting potential mates a little better before you introduce them to her, let alone let them move in with you — and doesn’t treat her like gold isn’t worthy of your time. The fact that you actually LIVE with this man (and after less than a year together!) is alarming. Your kid deserves better than this.
You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.