It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
My friend is turning 50 and wants a party. I don’t mind throwing her a small party for close friends and family with several people helping out bringing a dish and drinks, but she wants it at an event place with a rental fee and she has a list of 150 guests. She mentioned she saved $500 and her mom is paying $500 and now she expect me and three others to each put in $500. This just doesn’t seem right. Or am I wrong? I said I would help but never told her my budget, and she just assumes I can put in $500. — Not My Party But I’ll Cry if I Want To
Your friend is beyond tacky. You want a birthday party? You throw it (i.e. pay for it) yourself (unless you are lucky enough that someone offers to throw one for you and then you don’t dictate what that party looks like, you just be grateful for what is given). Can you imagine if someone threw a wedding and asked a handful of the guests to cover the costs? Why is a birthday party different? Tell your friend you’re sorry but you aren’t able to spend $500 on her birthday party though you’d be happy to [fill in the blank with one contribution you’d be willing to make, like bake/buy a cake, play bartender for an hour, help her find a dress to wear, etc.]. If she has a problem with that, oh well.
I was in love with this guy for almost three years and we were happy. Though we had up and downs like normal couples do, we always talked about our problems and fixed everything. Recently I found out that my boyfriend has a son with another woman back at home. When I asked him about it, he started to fight with me, he told me that he can’t love us both, and he dumped me just like that. Then a few days later his mom passed away after suffering from cancer, and since then he’s been different. My problem is that I love him so much and I don’t know if I will be able to let go of him. — Can’t Let Go
He had a son you didn’t know about for three years? And when you found out, he dumped you, saying he chose someone else over you? Honey, your heart never had him to let go of. MOA.
I’m a 25-year-old lesbian and I’ve been dating my girlfriend for over a year and a month. My parents weren’t ok with it, but they let me see her. A week ago, though, they forced me to break up with her or else I would have to move out of our house. I really love her with all my heart and it’s killing me inside not being with her. I just want to die. I don’t know how to explain to my parents that it’s she who I want to be with forever. They’re very religious and it’s hard for me to convince them. I need help like so bad. — Broken-Hearted Lesbian
You’re 25. Isn’t it time you moved out on your own anyway? Why would you throw away a relationship just to stay at your parents’ home when you’re a full-grown adult? Get your own place. Make your own life. And then apologize to your girlfriend for letting your parents railroad you into dumping her.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.