Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Girl from the Bar” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Girl from the Bar,” whose letter appeared in a “His Take” column when she wrote in wondering if a guy she met in a bar and hooked up with later that night was only interested in her for the sex since he wasn’t texting her each and every day.

Thanks so much for the responses. I appreciate them all, including Jarek’s. Sorry you got flack. I also appreciate sarcasm, a lot.

Before Wendy posted this (and thanks very much to you as well), I already came to the same conclusion everyone else did – that I’m being a crazy girl. I don’t like being a crazy girl. I listened to friends, who said he was only in it for sex, and I freaked out. Also, I have baggage from a past relationship I’ve been working through for a couple years. Who doesn’t, right? I thought I was finally OK and ready to date again. Apparently not. These things weren’t sitting well with me and I started over-thinking.

I ended up going out with him again. I told him I liked him. I got the impression he sensed I started to freak out. He was spot on. We’ve been out a couple times since and have a lot of fun together. I’ve chilled out, I’m treading lightly, and having fun. No more crazy and I feel more at peace and I’m trying to remember to take things as they come.

Sometimes it really does help to get a male perspective.

Oh, and I loved him bringing me beer on our first date instead of flowers. It was a nice touch. Remember that all you single boys who read this blog.

 
Thanks for the update!

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

12 comments… add one
  • avatar

    camille905 August 18, 2011, 12:51 pm

    Awesome update! Sometimes I think we start to act how everyone else thinks we should, instead of listening to ourselves. It sounds like you learned some stuff about yourself and that’s always good :). Good luck!

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  • MaterialsGirl

    Elizabeth August 18, 2011, 12:54 pm

    Ladies just helping reel back other ladies from the ‘crazy girl’ moments. Glad we caught you!

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    • becboo84

      BecBoo84 August 18, 2011, 1:03 pm

      Love this comment!

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    • bagge72

      bagge72 August 18, 2011, 1:07 pm

      Umm it was a his take so I think the guys should get a little credit too! :0)

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      • avatar

        TheOtherMe August 18, 2011, 1:56 pm

        You should be one of the “his take” boys 😉

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      • bagge72

        bagge72 August 18, 2011, 2:54 pm

        Thanks! Now I wish I gave myself good advice, because I’m always doing stupid things haha!

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      • avatar

        LW August 18, 2011, 2:27 pm

        It was. I thought it was a good “His Take” question. I appreciate all the advice from the fellows and the ladies.

        On a side note, the relationship ran its course. Not really too bummed about it and can look at it for what it was . . . getting me back in the dating game and learning a little bit about myself in the process.

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    Painted_lady August 18, 2011, 1:59 pm

    LW, here’s a bit of completely unsolicited advice that comes from a lesson I learned a little over a week ago: be careful who you seek advice from when you’re asking it of friends. I think many women default to the mode of getting everyone together over drinks or at the very least calling every girlfriend you’ve got and asking their opinion, which is both useful and pretty fun a lot of times. Sometimes, though, it can contribute to the craziness. You know your friends, and you know each of their biases. My boyfriend seriously screwed up a couple of weeks ago, and I was completely freaking out and unsure how to handle it. I have a couple of friends who tend toward the, “Don’t put up with that shit, dump him,” and a couple who tend toward the, “Oh, just let it slide.” And then I have two really objective friends who will simultaneously be honest and help me form my own opinion. I didn’t tell anyone but them, and they were so, so helpful and supportive.

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    • avatar

      MJ August 18, 2011, 2:13 pm

      Yes to this. I tend to overthink everything, and drag friends into overthinking with me. And I’ve found that most of my women friends will happily be dragged along into this overanalysis. Sometimes you just need an objective person to figuratively slap you upside the head.

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    • avatar

      LW August 18, 2011, 2:25 pm

      PL – You are so right! I wrote to Wendy looking for unbiased opinions because I realized one of my friends was telling me what I wanted to hear and another was a little jealous because she’s not in a good place with her personal life. I need to find that one person who can just let me vent and talk things through. I think I found her.

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    • Budj

      Budjer August 18, 2011, 2:07 pm

      The best advice givers are the ones that try and take an unbiased opinion….I equate when people let their biases affect their judgement/opinion to astronomy when the earth was thought to be the center of the universe.

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  • Heather

    Heather August 18, 2011, 6:01 pm

    From what I remember correctly, a lot of comments on this letter, mine included, were pretty harsh.

    Seriously LW, kudos to you for looking at it rationally. Glad to hear about the update, hope it goes well for you.

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