It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “In The Middle of a Mess,” the woman with a new baby who had a list of problems, including an older daughter — being raised by her paternal grandparents — with cancer, unemployment, no money, no car, and a boyfriend/baby daddy in jail for aggravated assault against her. She wrote: “How on earth do I get help to get a car to go to find a job and how can I do that when I’m the sole provider now for our baby? I’m at such a loss as to how to take care of myself and our son. My credit score is poor due to my ex-husband screwing it up with credit cards he took out in my name when we were married. So I can’t get personal loans or car loans. Heck, I can’t even get to the benefits location we have five miles away because I have no ride. How on earth am I supposed to get my baby boy and me out of this mess?”
Keep reading for her update (and be sure to read her comment in the comment section for an even more detailed update):
My mental health has been much improved as well. The doctors determined I suffered brain damage from the blow I received to my frontal lobe but that my neuron pathways will be making new connections over time to make up for the dead zone now. We believe that to be the main reason I was suffering from so much depression and a sense of hopelessness and leaning on my son to make me happy. Looking back, I cannot believe I put that upon my little angel. I still see him many times a week by getting rides, but, until my situation is 100% stable and I’m moved into a place of my own, I have given my parents custody of my son.
Honestly, all of you were right in your advice to me. I was so angry by your responses though and didn’t want to see the truth that was already staring back at me. My son needed a stable situation that I couldn’t provide, and, once I sat my parents down and explained how badly my son needed a stable situation and owned that I wasn’t in the right position to give him that, they took him in, and he is happy and healthy and so smart. He’s eight months old now. Luckily, I didn’t have to give him up for adoption or foster care, but for any lady going through a similar situation: Please don’t make the mistake I did of waiting so long. My son is my world and my joy, but a child cannot be happy or healthy if a parent depends on him for his or her happiness and strength. YOU MUST find it within yourself.
Thanks for the update. I’m so glad your son is safe and happy and healthy in your parents’ care, and I wish you well as you continue to get your life back on track. Good luck with everything.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.