Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Pregnancy Hopeful” Responds

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Pregnancy Hopeful,” a woman who wondering the best way to tell her infertile sister that she was planning to get pregnant soon. Find out how they’re both doing now over a year and a half later.

I decided not to tell my sister when we started trying just this past fall. She had gone through several failed IUI cycles and was preparing for her first round of IVF. We thought there was a good chance of her getting pregnant around Thanksgiving via IVF before we’d have success.

In early November, two cycles into trying, I fount out I was pregnant! She, on the other hand, was overstimulated before egg retrieval during this same week. They ended up retrieving over 50 eggs from her, when less than 10 is more typical. After a week of fertilization and embryo growth, 11 were healthy and frozen while she was told to wait a couple cycles for her hormones to level out.

In anticipation of morning sickness giving me away and a desire to, potentially, not completely ruin Thanksgiving for her, I opted to tell family about us the week before we travelled to be with them for Thanksgiving. I called her and had a plan to let her know gently and give her space if needed. My sister could not have been more awesome. She said this was the best pregnancy she’d heard about in the past five years and better than from any of her friends, and she was excited for us and the potential that we’d have kids with very close birthdays. Thanksgiving came and went, and I never had any morning sickness (I learned my mom never had morning sickness either). So, I probably could have hidden it longer, but I’m happy I didn’t.

I was careful not to get too emotionally attached to my pregnancy until I saw a beautiful ultrasound with a heartbeat after seven weeks. A week before Christmas, I experienced a missed miscarriage between 9-10 weeks. A medically-managed route didn’t work, and I wound up having a surgical procedure to complete the miscarriage so that we could travel to be with family for Christmas and New Year’s. Thankfully, that all worked out.

Now my sister is a week or two away from her first embryo transfer, and my husband and I are supposed to wait a few cycles before trying again. She and I are as close as ever supporting each other through all of this. With some luck, we may both still get to have 2016 babies.

 
Thank you for your update. I’m so sorry for your miscarriage, and I wish both you and your sister good luck as you try for successful pregnancies this year. Please keep us posted!

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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6 comments… add one
  • Lianne

    Lianne January 11, 2016, 2:05 pm

    I am so glad you had a good honest discussion with your sister and it went so well. On the other hand I am so sorry for your miscarriage news. After experiencing two of my own miscarriages within 6 months of each other, I can’t help but feel extreme sadness whenever I hear news from someone else with a similar story. My only advice is to remain positive and keep trying. Lots of internet love to you…

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  • juliecatharine

    juliecatharine January 11, 2016, 2:13 pm

    What a bittersweet update…it’s wonderful that the sisters are supporting each other. Here’s hoping for happy healthy babies however they come into your lives!

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  • courtney89

    courtney89 January 11, 2016, 2:28 pm

    best wishes through this LW. This is crazy, because just this morning i was doing my own research about options i have for having children. I have turners syndrome and being a mom was ruled out for me 15 years ago. Infertility is devastating and i truly think it’s had a definite impact on me and my relationships, knowing i will never be able to carry a child — it’s definitely made keep my guard up and think “hey, the minute i tell a significant other i cannot bear children, well what man is going to be okay with that? will the man i love love me enough to say, okay. there are still options, or will he be like i need to find someone who can provide that.” It’s scary!

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  • avatar

    Adrienne January 11, 2016, 2:35 pm

    I’m so sorry for the loss you and your husband experienced. But I want to go ahead and wish you congratulations on a family that I’m sure will grow, both from you and your sister. Good luck!

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  • FireStar

    FIreStar January 11, 2016, 3:17 pm

    I’m so sorry about your miscarriage but how wonderful you and your sister can support each other on your roads towards motherhood! All the very best luck to both of you and I look forward to your next update about the pitter patter of little feet!

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  • avatar

    wobster109 January 11, 2016, 3:51 pm

    LW, best wishes to both you and your sister! I hope you both get the 2016 babies you’re hoping for. Thanks for writing in and sharing how kindly and reasonably your sister took the news.

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