In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
Everything seemed to quiet down for a couple of months. But then one day my boyfriend and I were talking and his phone started going off with messages from his sister-in-law. He told me that she is one of his close friends and they talk all the time. I never knew they were so close. Well, slowly he has started spending more time messaging her and playing games with her into the night when I am over. (My boyfriend’s brother has to go to bed early, so the SIL gets bored and blows up my boyfriend’s phone). Once, it was 11 at night and they were playing games and talking. I was pouting a bit, so I asked him if he would text her hello from me. I was feeling left out. He told me he did not want to. After I begged, he agreed to, but then she never responded. I have since called her and texted her many times, and she won’t respond.
I am finding myself becoming increasingly jealous over her and hurt. It’s not even so much that he is friends with her — it’s what I feel like is a lack of respect for me. I’m not comfortable with my boyfriend having a female best friend, but I would still be upset if this was happening with one of his male friends. In this particular case I do not believe that my boyfriend would ever dishonor his brother by having sex with his SIL though.
My question is: what are appropriate boundaries and how to I get my boyfriend to understand how his relationship with his SIL may not be healthy for us? Is is common for SILs and BILs to be so close? Help! — Jealous of His SIL
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.