In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
Soon, I started noticing him talking weird and passing out a lot. I would ask him what’s going on and his same response is ‘noooothing.’ Within that year I found out I was pregnant. Scared and worried, knowing my husband and I make very little money, I became very, very stressed. During the first month of my pregnancy I found my husband passed out in his car and realized more and more money was going missing. Becoming more stressed, I went to the obgyn to see if too much stress would harm the baby. Well, needless to say, I found out my baby no longer had a heartbeat! I believe this was the first time I truly believed I hated my husband.
As time went on, the rent checks would bounce and he’d continue coming home hours late. I felt if we moved from the area maybe all the trouble he was getting into would decrease. WRONG! Five months after my miscarriage, I found out I was pregnant again. Hoping he wouldn’t want a repeat of the last miscarriage I thought he would definitely change now. Still, with my resentment and hatred from the first pregnancy we never could really getting along. At 25 weeks pregnant, my life started to go completely down hill. Walking outside to go to my doctor’s appointment to find out the sex of my child, I saw that MY CAR WAS GONE. Calling the police to report it stolen, I was informed it was on the repo list! The money I’d been giving him for six months never made it to the bank. Checking the bank account, I realized he had depleted our entire savings account — the account I had saved in order to take five months off work to stay home with my son and pay hospital and doctors’ bills.
Confronted on the issue, he denied any part of this! He is an idiot, I KNOW! I threatened to leave him and raise our son on my own, and a week later he admitted he had a drinking problem. He said he lost his job a month ago and was taking the car money to feed his addiction. I cooled off hoping with my support for him he would turn his life around. WRONG ONCE AGAIN. My son is now five months old and my husband had gone from lying and ACTING sorry to now lying, stealing, drinking, smoking, and openly admitting he does not care. I’ve tried tried and tried again. His and my family have joined in on trying to help, but he’s made it obvious he doesn’t want it. He denies God, saying it’s my fault because I am an atheist. He is nothing but excuses and pointing the finger.
I have threatened to leave him from the beginning and he has called my bluff. Well, I have filed for the divorce, but until I get my promotion I can’t financially raise myself and my kid alone. I hate hate hate my husband and yet he still lives here to help me support our son. He is a loving father, but a piece of shit of a husband and family provider! The divorce papers are still in the works, but I don’t know if I should kick him out now or wait. I am miserable!! We scream and fight constantly. But I need his income to help with bills. Any advise, please?!? — Distressed New Mom