Why are men so confusing
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My advice to my friends when it comes to men is ‘if he’s interested, you’ll know… if hes not, you’ll be confused ‘ yet I’m finding it hard to heed my own advice now. I was seeing someone years ago in my teens. It was electric between us.. but life happens and we went our separate way. We then reconnected early last year after like 9 years. We ended up have some amazing dates. However I felt we changed a lot as people, the chemistry was amazing but really couldn’t see anything long term. It fizzled out but it was his lack of effort that did. I wasn’t too bothered by it as knew it was nothing serious however was annoyed he wasn’t honest. He then texted a few months later and we just chatted. We chatted on and off for months but generally just platonic chit chat. We then pumped into eachother out… I’ve been seeing someone else casually so told him as I was not interesting as could sense him flirting a lot. We ended up kissing. Once again, the chemistry was electric. He text again just wishing me happy Christmas and our text continue. I was home watching a movie and he had mentioned going to a party but wasn’t totally in the mood. I invited him over and he came straight away. We spent hours chatting. Then had amazing sex. Even the next morning, we could not keep our hands off each other. We went for breakfast, came back to mine and watched tv. He would not stop kissing me, and we could not keep our hand off eachother. He offered to drop me to the train station that night instead of getting a taxi even though it was 30 minute drive for him. Even dropping me off, he could not stop kissing me. Anyways, we haven’t spoken it since and cannot stop thinking about him. I know it’s been a week but he has not texted and it’s driving me crazy. I usually wouldn’t mind texting but I had made all the effort. Why are men sooo complicated!!!!!
I don’t mean this disparagingly or condescendingly, but this isn’t complicated. It’s one of those situations where you have physical chemistry but he is not interested in putting in the effort for anything more. He doesn’t want to be your boyfriend. Texting is low effort. Coming over for sex is low effort. I get that with the chatting and the drop-offs it feels like mixed messages, but it really isn’t. He’s just interested in casual sex with you.
You could hook up and text with him if you can deal with it only being that. If you can’t deal, you should cut off contact.
When you tell him you’re not interested, it’s a taunt to him to see if he so can still get in your pants. Like you’re both playing here but it sounds like you have actual feelings, which is not great in this situation because you are going crazy wondering why he isn’t texting you. He’s not interested in more than sex. If you think this will ever be more, I think you should stop, literally actually stop letting him play with you. It’s making you crazy but he’s not being confusing.
I should add that in these situations men will absolutely do sweet things for you, and chitchat, and sometimes even hang out in a place that’s not your home or theirs, things that feel boyfriend like. But there will be an absence of really committing to being your boyfriend, like going on real dates with you and asking you to be exclusive and calling you their girlfriend and putting in that consistent effort at sustaining a relationship.
This all makes sense. I know for a fact we aren’t compatible long term. If we were together ultimately the excitement would fade and we would be too very incomparable and unhappy people. I suppose after having a good time together I hodge he would just check in. He was so so interested in person. What I’m feeling now is just a result of A nice weekend and lots of hormones flowing. I suppose losing control is what’s causing me frustration. Alas this too shall pass!
If he was checking in, you’d still have stars in your eyes and think he was into you. In a way, he’s being clear about his priority-the pretty lady currently in front of him. As soon as he’s gone, you’re not on his mind, as sad as that is. He’s a bit of a player.
So yeah, a boyfriend would be checking in and really consistently contacting you.
And unfortunately I do think sometimes people you’re not compatible with, you can have intense physical chemistry with. The danger is when you start thinking like, oh, we must actually be compatible because the sex is SO good, we have to be able to make this work, I just have to crack the code somehow. That’s an illusion and can waste years of your life.
This is “put of sight out of mind”. When you are together, he is happy so share sexxxytimes. As soon as you are out of sight, he’s unwilling to put in any effort. He’s not thinking about you, at least not enough to bother texting.
Admit he’s your personal kryptonite and stay away from him unless you’re single otherwise you’ll destroy your meaningful romantic relationships.
Not to downplay you’re feelings, but men aren’t confusing, our hormones just make it feel that way. Oxcytocin is a powerful hormone that gets released when we engage in sexual activity. So even when we haven’t built a genuine emotional and mental bond with someone we can definitely begin to feel an attachment which leads people to create all kinds of scenarios in their head.
There’s nothing confusing about his behavior. He is clearly indicating that he wants sex and fun and that’s it. You’re available and providing those things. You just have to decide if you want to give in to that chemical rollercoaster and exhaust yourself with “what if’s” or spend time building a real relationship with someone.
