“Is My New Marriage in Trouble?”
- This topic has 4 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 8 months, 4 weeks ago by
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From a LW:
“I remarried five months ago and am struggling with some aspects of my marriage. I feel that communication about feelings is lacking. I feel like sometimes I don’t know where I stand with my husband. I have tried to talk about things with him and he says that he loves me but “is not the type to talk about his feelings.” I know that one of my issues is fear of loss, as I became widowed when I lost my first husband 3 1/2 years ago, and have been diagnosed with anxiety.
We are planning to move this summer for his job, which means that I will be in a totally new environment two hours away from my support systems and moving my child. I don’t know if I am having relationship anxiety or if my marriage is in serious trouble. Am I going making something out of nothing? — Freaking Out”
I think we need more information about things. Has communication changed since you got married? Even if he’s not good at talking about his feelings or listening to yours, do you communicate in other ways and enjoy each others company? He will have a different communication style to your first husband and may compare them. Can you give us any examples?
Sometimes anxiety means you can need constant reassurance and that can be a lot for a partner. I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing, but I sometimes feel the minute I make a plan that will reassure a family menber they then come up with something else to ruminate on.
What do you want from him?
Agree with Tui, more information needed. You need to trust your gut, which will be hard when it’s churning with anxiety! Even if your husband is not a feelings communicator, if you sit with your own feelings and have a stab at working out what you might need to make the transition, he should be able to talk to you about practical solutions/implications. You’re going through a hell of a lot, bereavement, new marriage, child losing a parent (?), relocation, job loss/change (?) and you really need to be able to share your whole experience with your spouse. If you can manage on your own, and you need to, over the longer term, you have your answer. 🙁
It sounds like you know that this man can will not provide you the emotional support you need; and that may have been fine when you were closer to family and friends who provided that support. A husband or wife does not need to be their spouses only emotional support. But this upcoming change is making you anxious and you are looking to your husband to fill in where you see a potential gap and he is not able/ not willing to do that.
So you have a choice, you move and take on the task to build yourself a new community in your new location or you stay where you are.
Has anything changed since you remarried?
Without knowing more, I’d recommend seeking out the support of a therapist to talk things over and help you manage/decipher your anxiety.
