Don’t Let The Bad Guys Steal Your Joy

One thing – ok, two things – I keep hearing since the election, and especially since the inauguration last month is to focus on community and to not let the bad guys steal your joy. Joy is an act of resistance, I keep hearing, and I believe it (though it shouldn’t be your only act of resistance). So, a few weeks ago I booked a weekend in Chicago, where I lived for seven years before moving to NYC to close the long-distance gap in my relationship with my then-boyfriend/ now-husband, Drew. Leaving my community in Chicago was one of the harder things I’ve done for love (sharing a bathroom with a straight guy is also in the top three, don’t ask me about the third) and when I left, I vowed to visit regularly. Now, nearly 18 years later, I can say that I’ve kept that promise and fly into town – sometimes with Drew and the kids, but often on my own – every six months or so, usually once in the summer and once in the winter, because what’s a better vacation than Chicago in February?

I booked my visit for the first weekend of February so that I would have something to look forward to during these dark, heavy days, but of course, how could I know there would be a horrific plane crash the day before my flight and that I would watch a video of the collision multiple times in the hours before boarding and that the fog in Chicago would be so thick upon landing and the turbulence so aggressive that I would be clutching the arms of my chair, squeezing my eyes shut, and praying (to a God I mostly refer to as “Spirit”) for a safe landing? Fortunately, my friend had made us appointments at her favorite spa where she whisked me away after picking me up and now I need every stressful flight – or, really, every flight, period – to be followed by several hours at a spa that serves hollyhock tea and has well-placed platters of rolled up washcloths that are both straight out of a steamer or covered in ice – take your pick (I recommend a warm cloth behind your neck and a cold cloth over your eyes as your lie back on a lounge chair between dips in the cold plunge and swims in the heated pool).

I got to see about ten old friends over the weekend and was – I don’t know what the right word is here for the feeling I had regarding the mutual inability we shared to avoid the topic of, well, what they fuck is happening in the US right now. Relief? Sadness? Yes to both of those, but I think the dominant feeling was gratitude that these longtime friends still share my values and are engaged in the world around them and care about their country. You might even call us “patriotic.” That word was hijacked by the right, but maybe it’s time we took it back. If you are one of the thousands jamming up the phone lines this week calling your reps in congress, you’re a patriot too, and you’re engaged in the world and and I bet we share similar values and would make decent friends. Do you also like long walks, cats, and listening to astrology podcasts? Well, hello!

In an effort to hold on to our joy, my friends and I did try to avoid the topic of what the fuck is happening in the US; every 15 minutes or so, one of us would say, “Oh, let’s change the topic” or “Let’s talk about something a little lighter” and then we’d help another friend pick out upholstery to recover the antique chairs he inherited from his grandmother or we’d trade our favorite recipes from Love and Lemons (half of my Chicago friends are women and half are gay men, and all of us are searching for the perfect farro salad). But without fail, within about ten minutes, the topic would migrate back to the real-time collapse of our society because it turns out this is a far-reaching event that has tentacles in almost all of our personal and financial lives and it’s really hard to talk about anything with close friends that somehow completely avoids our personal lives. Especially if you have friends who are open enough to share their marital sex schedule, not that any of my friends did, but let’s just say that our Sunday afternoon lunch may have necessitated an adjustment of some morning hours among at least one couple in the group.

Anyway, there’s only so much talking you can do with your friends about a billionaire sociopath and his teenage tech bro sycophants stealing your social security numbers and ICE being called on your neighbors and trans youth being denied critical healthcare before you turn to the thing that always brings clarity in times like these: tarot cards. Or maybe that’s just my group of friends, or more specifically, maybe that’s just me. At any rate, I broke out the cards and asked the pressing question on all of our minds: “Who is going down first – Musk or Trump?” And while I shuffled, a card jumped out of my hands – this is always a big deal in tarot; it’s thought that a “jumper” card is especially meaningful – and the card was “Justice,” a major arcana card. That very card jumped out again in another reading I did for a friend who wanted to keep his question private but said “Oh, they’re going down” when I held up the jumper card for him to see. The three cards I pulled for the question about who’s going down first, Musk or Trump, were the Devil card (!!), the 10 of swords (backstabbing) and the 8 of pentacles (the “apprentice” card). A backstabbing devilish person associated with The Apprentice? I don’t think I need to say more.

For what it’s worth, all of the astrologers whose podcasts I’ve been listening to are saying the same thing: March is about to be off the fucking hook. They’re predicting world-changing events that will shake things up for decades to come. They are saying that February is the “calm before the storm,” and I don’t know about you but if what we are experiencing right now is calm in comparison to next month’s energy, I am going to need a whole lot more hollyhock tea and ice cold compresses. And community and joy. Don’t forget to make time for those things as you keep jamming your reps’ phone line and sharing crucial info with your people, my fellow resisters, many of you I bet are simply friends I haven’t met yet with farro salad recipes I hope you’ll share.

Here are a few resources that may be helpful for you right now:

5Calls
The easiest and most effective way for U.S. constituents to make a political impact.

Heather Cox Richardson
A history professor shares her “Letters from an American” on Substack and Facebook, providing context for today’s events with historical events and sharing action steps we can take to make a political impact. As she says, “the past doesn’t repeat itself; it rhymes.” Recognizing patterns from history as they repeat in modern day is a helpful strategy in our fight to save democracy.

Jessica Craven
Jessica is an activist and organizer whose Substack, Chop Wood Carry Water, is fulled with daily actions, including scripts to use when calling your reps.

Mediterranean Roasted Sweet Potato & Farro Salad